Writing Criticism:

Nyx Blackheart wrote: 10 Jun 2025, 19:23

Phoenix Zhang wrote: 10 Jun 2025, 19:22

Nyx Blackheart wrote: 10 Jun 2025, 19:10

Phoenix Zhang wrote: 10 Jun 2025, 19:09

Nyx Blackheart wrote: 10 Jun 2025, 19:09

Lol, I know right? I wanted something like Cruella, Maleficent, and Wednesday had an evil baby hehe

Definitely hit the mark

Lol, yeah but i love the way that you write, It reminds me of one of my fav authors, tho right now, i can't remember her name!

I actually have a short story I wrote if you'd like I can share it?

YES PLEASE!

Phoenix Zhang wrote: 10 Jun 2025, 19:24

Nyx Blackheart wrote: 10 Jun 2025, 19:23

Phoenix Zhang wrote: 10 Jun 2025, 19:22

Nyx Blackheart wrote: 10 Jun 2025, 19:10

Phoenix Zhang wrote: 10 Jun 2025, 19:09

Definitely hit the mark

Lol, yeah but i love the way that you write, It reminds me of one of my fav authors, tho right now, i can't remember her name!

I actually have a short story I wrote if you'd like I can share it?

YES PLEASE!

Ill owl it to you

Phoenix Zhang wrote: 10 Jun 2025, 00:13 Ill take opinions on the one

To Embrace and To Let Go

Nyx Blackheart wrote: 10 Jun 2025, 22:23 Opinions on this?:

(its what I'm doing 4 the pride errand but i'm not done)

Reducio

Banner made by @Graci Laren

I looked around, mildly interested.
The grounds were covered in things to celebrate Pride at Hogwarts.
I didn't truly understand that at first, because I hadn't really ever done something like this.
My father let me choose what I wanted to do, but the rest of my family tried to get me to interact with other people, and to join things like this.
I had been apprehensive when I first told my family that I was Bi. But my father was supportive as well as the rest of them.
The only one who went ballistic about it was my mother.
I winced as the flashback came uncalled.

I was sitting in the opulent hall that was out dinning room. It was dark, with bloodied candles in my honor.
I had just turned 11.
I had also come to grips with the fact that I was Bi.
I had thought about it before, the way I looked at both boys and other girls.
The way I noticed things on both sexes.
I found myself to be surprised.
Just slightly though.
I had always known that I felt things differently, I supposed it also went differently into the way I liked people that way too.I decided that the best way to tell them was to be frank about it.
What was that smuggled saying, about tipping something off instead of pulling?
Maybe they were talking about limbs.
I cleared my throat.
Everyone looked at me.
I said, in a loud, no-nonsense voice,
"Well, I have an announcement. I'm Bisexual. Get used to it."
Everybody was silent. Then, my father spoke, telling me that he loved me no matter what, and that he was happy that I had figured myself out at such young age.
My uncle told me that any boyfriends or girlfriends I had would have to come to him so that he could deem them worthy.
I was happy though. I hadn't;t expected them to be so... Open.
But of course, nothing good ever lasts.
An undignified shriek came from the air next to my father.
My mother pushed herself up, knocking down the chair altho she was sitting in, in the process. So deep into her fury, she didn't even realize that her sleeve was about to catch fire from the way that she was holding it over the candle pointing at me, her face contorted beyond familiarization.

"How could you! How could you do something like, like, like this!!!"
Her voice was outraged beyond relief. She ranted about how it wasn't right for a proper pure-breed girl. That she was disgusted in me.
She left in fury of cream-colored robes and slammed the door.
My father told me that she would come to grips soon and that she was only shocked.

I knew that she would react like that, but it didn’t make it any less hurtful.
I walked around until I found something that I thought that I would truly ace.
Arts and crafts.
I looked around, suddenly feeling nervous.
It didn't look like there was anyone around.

Simon Poe wrote: 10 Jun 2025, 22:47

Nyx Blackheart wrote: 10 Jun 2025, 22:23 Opinions on this?:

(its what I'm doing 4 the pride errand but i'm not done)

Reducio

Banner made by @Graci Laren

I looked around, mildly interested.
The grounds were covered in things to celebrate Pride at Hogwarts.
I didn't truly understand that at first, because I hadn't really ever done something like this.
My father let me choose what I wanted to do, but the rest of my family tried to get me to interact with other people, and to join things like this.
I had been apprehensive when I first told my family that I was Bi. But my father was supportive as well as the rest of them.
The only one who went ballistic about it was my mother.
I winced as the flashback came uncalled.

I was sitting in the opulent hall that was out dinning room. It was dark, with bloodied candles in my honor.
I had just turned 11.
I had also come to grips with the fact that I was Bi.
I had thought about it before, the way I looked at both boys and other girls.
The way I noticed things on both sexes.
I found myself to be surprised.
Just slightly though.
I had always known that I felt things differently, I supposed it also went differently into the way I liked people that way too.I decided that the best way to tell them was to be frank about it.
What was that smuggled saying, about tipping something off instead of pulling?
Maybe they were talking about limbs.
I cleared my throat.
Everyone looked at me.
I said, in a loud, no-nonsense voice,
"Well, I have an announcement. I'm Bisexual. Get used to it."
Everybody was silent. Then, my father spoke, telling me that he loved me no matter what, and that he was happy that I had figured myself out at such young age.
My uncle told me that any boyfriends or girlfriends I had would have to come to him so that he could deem them worthy.
I was happy though. I hadn't;t expected them to be so... Open.
But of course, nothing good ever lasts.
An undignified shriek came from the air next to my father.
My mother pushed herself up, knocking down the chair altho she was sitting in, in the process. So deep into her fury, she didn't even realize that her sleeve was about to catch fire from the way that she was holding it over the candle pointing at me, her face contorted beyond familiarization.

"How could you! How could you do something like, like, like this!!!"
Her voice was outraged beyond relief. She ranted about how it wasn't right for a proper pure-breed girl. That she was disgusted in me.
She left in fury of cream-colored robes and slammed the door.
My father told me that she would come to grips soon and that she was only shocked.

I knew that she would react like that, but it didn’t make it any less hurtful.
I walked around until I found something that I thought that I would truly ace.
Arts and crafts.
I looked around, suddenly feeling nervous.
It didn't look like there was anyone around.

That made me uncomfortable. Not in a sense that it was bad, in a sense it was so good I felt almost how Nyx felt. It's scary when that happens. But hey, it means you're a good author who can put her audience right where the characters are.

Graci Laren wrote: 13 Jun 2025, 20:45 Can someone read my errand post? poof