Bad Advice

@Jorah Moussa You're supposed to give bad advice

Train it to attack anyone it barks at, because barking isn't enough.

My vision is just getting worse everyday, to the point that I'm going both colorblind and regular blind at the same time! What should I do?

@Lauren Wheeler
It's time to fight crime! Move to Hell's kitchen and clean up the streets. Teach these criminals that justice is blind.

I need to learn how to fight and quick! What should I do?

Lay in bed and watch the Karate kid, you will get his moves by watching him and eating chips

My hamster has been sleeping ALL DAY can someone tell me what to do to wake her up?

A big blow on the head should wake him up, normally.

I would like to catch a stray cat to give it to my mother for Christmas, how can I catch it?

Tie a noose, and lasso it around that sucker! XD

I need to cook a grilled cheese sandwich...

Put two pieces of cheese on bread and leave it outside for 9-10 hours to cook (depending on how hot it is outside)

I made my friends mad by breaking their stuff, how do I make it up to them?

Break more of their stuff and soon they'll realize you mean good.

My friends owl died and I don't know what to say to them....

A picture is worth a thousand words. Show them a photo of their dead owl. They need to accept reality.

My roommates won't clean the dishes. I keep telling them, but they won't listen to me. How do I get through to them?

Put all the dirty dishes under their sheets before they go to sleep at night

My brothers keep going into my room when I'm not around, how do I get them to stop and stay out of my room?

@Angela Nelson

Use a Ouija board to summon a spirit. They won't go into your bedroom if its haunted.

I'm tired of being single. How do I get a date?