When Nobody's Around Solo Closed

Rosie was hurt.

It was a different kind of hurt, a hurt that followed you wherever you went, a hurt that stabbed at you at random times, killing your mood almost instantly. It was the guilt, and the memories that had been stomping on Rosie’s cheeriness lately. Normally, everyday she woke up with a cheery attitude, ready to get through any situation thrown her way, but these days it was a little harder. She woke up slower, and it took her a little longer to get out of bed. But she did eventually. But that fact alone made Rosie question herself, what was happening to her?

The questions ran through her mind as Rosie walked outside to the Great Lake, her usual place for sulking when something was really on her mind. It was getting cold, so she came out with her robe around her, and her scarf tucked around her neck. Rosie’s haircut had resulted in the cold air brushing against her neck, and honestly? She didn’t really like that feeling too much. But she liked her short hair, it was a lot less annoying. She tucked some hair behind her ear and reached the water.

It was a lot colder once Rosie reached the shore. She hugged her arms and watched the waves.. Rosie recalled the last time she was out here, and it was with Reid. She hadn’t been feeling too good that day either, and had been sulking in the common room and staring at her homework. She was glad he dragged her out of there. Rosie’s mood lifted a lot more once she was outside in the rain, chasing her best friend around in the mud. It was a good memory, it made her smile.

But the guilt was stronger.

That was the thing, whenever Rosie recalled a nice memory, something that made her feel a little better, the hurt wasn’t too far behind, and it felt much stronger. She felt her heart sink, heavy enough to let Rosie sit down at the shore. She guessed it was a better time than any, sort through these bad feelings, forgive herself, or someone else. The lake helped her think, for some odd reason. Maybe it was the fact that nobody wanted to come outside, at night, when it was cold, and colder once you reached the shore. Rosie had a chance to be alone for once.

She sighed and lowered her head, seeing her wavy reflection in the water. The bruise on her cheek was finally gone. When it was visible, it was a heart wrenching reminder of what had happened. The terrible mistake. Her stupid curiousity. The anxiety that if she hadn’t gone down there, someone would’ve gotten a lot more hurt. Rosie couldn’t have just sat in the common room after reading the letter, it was obviously a trap. But did she really have a plan after finding out what was actually going on? Haha! I found out your REAL reason for sending the letter, Erin. I will now proceed to… Stand here! Knowing that you suck! And then proceed to get beaten up. Rosie had expected that much, Erin didn’t have a good reputation.

But what she didn’t expect came after.

Rosie, Eris, and Max’s friendship was always shaky. Well, not Eris and Max. They had always been close. Rosie forced herself not to make jokes on the fact they were purebloods, because she knew it would lead into a bitter mindset, and she’d be sitting angrily, alone, at this lake. But she couldn’t help herself. Was it solely the fact they were purebloods? And that she had descended from muggles? Honestly, she thought they had moved past that. Her and Max’s friendship was a little different. They had a great ‘2 steps forward, 20 steps back’ system going on. Rosie would be nice to him, Max would appreciate it and be a little nicer, and then it would be ruined by an instance after, and it would cycle. But that’s not what Rosie was sad about.

Eris was the problem. At least their friendship was.

Not her specifically, just the memory associated with her. It was at this point, Rosie’s heart started twisting and she clenched her fists a little tighter around her robes. Rosie could never predict her. Eris would act like her best friend, but since third year, that wasn’t the case. And Rosie just couldn’t understand why. She tried so hard to maintain her friendships. She wasn’t a bad person, at least in her mind. Rosie tried to listen to her problems, hang out with her often. She couldn’t understand, but she could listen. But then the whole Ben situation happened. They were on different sides during that whole fiasco. Rosie still believed she was right. Ben had been manipulated. He wasn’t in control of himself. It wasn’t his fault. When that was explained to her, it wasn’t hard to understand, especially when Rosie had already suspected it.

She just wanted to know why it was brought up out of nowhere.

But at that point, Rosie couldn’t have defended herself. It was so off topic during that situation. She couldn’t have just held Erin’s foot from kicking her and lifted her head to say, “Hey! I respect the fact you’re upset, but you’re wrong. Sorry Erin, carry on.” Maybe then Eris wouldn’t have said what she said.

You deserve to be hurt.

Rosie shattered. Her vision went blurry as tears started falling down her face. She couldn’t see her reflection in the water anymore, as her face was buried in her hands. You deserve to be hurt. As a thirteen year old, hearing this? It, excuse Rosie’s french, fucked you up. You deserve to be hurt. Her chest felt tight, her throat was dry, Rosie’s eyes hurt from how hard she was pressing her palms against them. You deserve to be hurt.“I made a mistake. I’m not a bad person. I’m not. I wasn’t wrong. I did what I thought was right-” She felt terrified, her heart felt like it was going to explode. She tried to assure herself, because who else would? Who else could she tell about this? She couldn’t. It would start drama. It was a big secret. The bruise was a secret. The sentence Eris uttered was a secret. Rosie’s first ever panic attack, had to be a secret.

Her head felt like it was pounding by the end of it. Rosie stared at the grass, her face wet, but her eyes weren’t tearing up anymore. She breathed slowly, just like her dad would tell her. Rosie had never had a panic attack before, but she did cry a lot over little things when she was little. In, out, in, out. Rosie closed her eyes, her heartbeat slowing down to what it was. “What the hell was that.” She muttered out, raising her head.

Rosie looked down at the water, and her reflection was a lot more messy. She looked like a mess. It was almost comedic. She slowly got up from where she was, stumbling a few times. She was dizzy too, her head was spinning. What was happening to her? That couldn’t happen again. Rosie cleared her throat and wiped her eyes, turning towards the castle. She was going to forget what happened. She was going to be normal again. She took a breath and walked to the campus, planning on taking a fat sleep.

But the hurt followed.