The sharpening PV

Santario was doing what she did best when she had nothing better to do and that was to explore. Although she preferred staying outside of the castle she still had to continue to familiarize herself with the inside of the castle as to not get lost. This did not work in her favor every time she went out and explored as it did occasionally land her in areas full of people which was a situation she disliked. She could tolerate it when socially necessary but if she could avoid it, she would.

Although some of her new friends were starting to instill new confidence in her she still found that she preferred moments of solitude. After all, isolation was what she was used to and it made sense for her to crave it every now and again to recharge herself. As she walked along she heard a noise was someone humming? No that sounded more like a cacophony of noises that couldn’t exactly be called music. It held no particular rhythm or for that matter soul… it felt hollow as if it was just truly noise to be noise.

It intrigued her none-the-less leading her to make a right turn towards the noise and who she found… who or what? The boy looked like he could be considered the walking dead. Her sharp sapphire eyes took in his tattered robes compared to her maintained ones. His rough hair that looked like it hadn’t seen a brush in days compared to the silky waves of raven hair that cascaded down her back. His pale and sickly skin that belonged on no one that should be walking around compared to her porcelain fine complexion.

Should she immediately feel fear by coming across someone like this? Probably. Did she? No, not at this time. Within this moment she was taken aback by his appearance although her face would remain within its normal passive but analytical façade. Something she had learned to do around her grandmother and the many occasions she had been forced into. “Those are an interesting choice in notes.” Her quiet silvery voice commented on the humming noises he made as she started to wonder exactly what speaking to him would be getting herself into.

His humming stopped abruptly when the stranger started to talk with him. Sure, a few students had passed by, but quickly, and without paying the little ravenclaw any mind. Why would they, after all. He scared them, he was something that they feared, something that they didn't want to interact with. No one did, they had heard the stories, they knew who and what he was. He was the little corpse-boy, the terrifying beast who could pull the shadows around him into a livid frenzy.

It didn't bother him, however. They were doomed to die, they struggled about hopelessly, didn't even know where they were or what was going on. People around him came and left, their voices didn't mean a lot. Or at least he tried to make sure they didn't mean a lot. Tried to suppress the horrible gnawing that tormented his mind every now and then. He could do it, too. Forget things he didn't want to remember. He saw it as a bit of a gift from the unknown. But something not necessarily good.

"I didn't pick them."

Kaegen took a step forward, towards her, arms still hanging limp, but he was making sure she knew he wasn't in the mood to run. His left hand slowly raised to scratch at the scar tissue on his exposed neck before falling back down alongside the fading robe cloth.

The girl looked normal, she had shiny smooth hair and wore the same robe that everyone else did. There was nothing remarkable to note, nothing except for her behavior, her decision to approach him. Kaegen's stormy blue and grey eyes, with the little circle of red that made his pupils look like two mini eclipses. Why was she any different? Had someone dared her to talk to him? It wasn't out of the question, after all.

His humming was abruptly stopped, and she found that interesting it was as if he had expected no one to speak to him at all. She could understand given his appearance that he might be used to being avoided, but San was only more intrigued by him because of his appearance. In fact, it would dawn on her that he may be used to people being driven away because of that very thing. One small sentence escaped from the boy’s lips before he took a step forward towards her. Something she would not react to besides cocking up her right brow as she watched him.

The effort put behind making sure that she knew he didn’t want to run would be lost on her and she would just assume that he was remaining relaxed. Her eyes for just one noticeable moment moved to the scar tissue on his neck as his hand drew attention to it before snapping back up to the boy’s eyes. That was when she truly noticed the coloring of his eyes and it reminded her a little of their astronomy professor. Was this boy also like him? “Do any of us ever truly choose the music we express?” San remembered singing back home when she had emotions she just didn’t know how to express. It was the only way she had known how to release the energy without allowing it to consume her.

It would be a question better posed at a later time after all she had been so rude as to not even introduce herself to him. She reached out her right hand to him in greeting. “Forgive me for being rude, my name is Santario.” She was never one to tack on a surname unless speaking to a professor or specifically asked. She had found it odd that a lot of the other kids had seemed to throw out information carelessly hardly giving any thought to why others may want that information. She had watched her grandmother manipulate people she had been groomed to do the same. Only to be considered a disappointment for being good at it and refusing to use it. 

No reaction. She didn't care, then. She didn't know what he was doing. He saw her look at his neck, and his hand quickly moved towards it, less of a defensive move and more of a self conscious twitch. His neck felt bare, empty and exposed. It worried him, it made him nervous when others noticed. He was painfully aware of how hard it was to not notice. The scars were thick and brutal, clearly unusual, and something he wanted to keep hidden. Although that had quickly become something that was no longer a viable option with the loss of his scarf.

"No. I'm not expressing. It's the rock. Of course I can choose what I express."

A thin, strong finger ending in a decidedly wicked looking dull claw pointed at the rock he had been touching. The stone that was simply a nondescript piece of Hogwarts. It was nothing more than a section, a drop of water in a puddle. When the girl reached out her hand, however, and introduced herself as santario, which Kaegen quickly shortened to sand, he stared at it. A trick, a trap or a friendly greeting. Why would she greet him, why would she want to touch him?

With eyes slightly narrowed, he grasped her hand in return. His skin was cold, lacking the warmth that someone alive should naturally posses. But they were strong, surprisingly so, considering their spidery appearance. Most of Kaegen's strength lay in his fingers, the fingers he used to climb, to rip and rend. He wasn't aiming for tight, just firm. But although his handshake wasn't entirely terribly, he shook her hand standing as far away as his arm would allow. His body was twisted sideways to provide less of a target, and his eyes were as focused as they could possibly be. He wasn't going to go down because of a handshake.

"Kaegen Deathmote, Fens-Born Shade-Beacon. Monster of Hogwarts' halls."

He quickly drew back his hand before continuing, not trusting the girl to not perform some unknown, terrifying trick based on prolonged handshakes.

"What do you want."

There had to be a reason, after all. A reason behind her coming to talk with him.

She noticed his discomfort when her eyes had looked to his neck and she made a mental note to never do that again. The last thing she wanted to do was upset this peculiar boy and that seemed like something that could possibly be easy to do if she didn’t keep her eyes off of those scars. She contemplated offering him the scarf that rested around her shoulders, but it was a Slytherin scarf and that would require verbally acknowledging what she had seen. Maybe if the rest of this encounter went well it would be something, she could offer him without offending him. She could always buy another she had the money.

It’s the rock? Did he just really… Maybe this boy was missing a screw or two, but then again, her father rambled off with crazy things occasionally, and besides her best friend he was one of her favorite people in this world. Maybe some of the best people were missing a screw.

She was a bit surprised by how cold his hand was in contrast to her warm skin. She would adjust her grip to match his she had been told that doing so was a sign of respect, so that is what she did. She noticed the intensity in his eyes and it reminded her of the way Kyle had looked at her the day at the lake when he was acting like a caged animal ready to bolt.

What the actual hell was going on at Hogwarts why was it that every time she showed up somewhere someone got hurt. Why was it every time she stumbled upon someone by themselves, they were just ready to bolt. Then the boy introduced himself pulling her out of her thoughts. Monster? She frowned slightly as she watched him. “I don’t want anything, Kaegen, I wanted to find out the source of the noise and I did. Why do you call yourself the monster of Hogwarts’ Halls?” She almost asked as if the question hurt her. Not in the way that she didn’t want to ask but in the way of why would anyone see themselves as a monster? Or if he has been dubbed that and he wears it as armor to protect himself, but why? So far her want to find out about the noise had only brought along more questions than it had answered.

That was just sometimes the destiny of someone with a bleeding heart.   

So she had just been curious? Why had curiosity been strong enough to surpass the desire to flee? Then again, she clearly hadn't heard the stories. So maybe it was his fame that helped people stay clear, maybe she hadn't heard of him, and that was why she wasn't as worried. That was fine, he could fix that. By the time he was done she would be like all the rest. Hateful, spiteful, terrified little students.

"I am called monster because of who I am. People run from me, they fear me. Their hearts beat faster when I draw near and they calm down once I have left. They know what I can do, what I have done. I've spilled enough blood to paint the floor of the bathrooms red. I have been pursued by death and the dark places, by death witches and monsters and yet here I stand. I will not die. I am a monster, and I will not die."

The little rings of red around his pupils glowed with a furious intensity that seemed to challenge the girl, to dare her to try and prove him wrong, to try and end his life. He was so very tired of everything, of life and people and school and keeping his eyes open. He just wanted to tear it all down, to rip the world before him asunder and be alone in the white nothingness he imagined lay waiting on the other side. And all he'd have to do is rip apart the world.

But he couldn't, and he knew that. So he was left with the much less satisfying option of simply wallowing in frustration and anger. To make sense, to keep your head, you had to have food, you had to have water and sleep. Kaegen had a little of two of those, hardly any of the last, and in addition to his already clearly less than advantageous position, his hunger was ever growing. Stronger and stronger and more and more desperate. So be blocked it out. Again, and again, and again.

But he could only block it for so long.

Her right eyebrow cocked up about as far as it would go as he answered her question the only other demeanor change would be her arms crossing over her chest as she listened to him. His eyes seemed to glow, what even was this boy?! She decided she was going to look up somethings after this conversation because although she didn’t have the slightest idea of what he really was she felt he certainly wasn’t all human. More questions than answers seemed to just be her life since she came here, but then again it wasn’t all bad either. 

She didn’t seem to flinch at the words he spoke. This girl was either very brave or very stupid it could not truly be told which one it was just yet. She should be very afraid of him, but something in her gut told her to give it a chance. “Kaegen, we’ve all made mistakes and no doubt we will continue to make mistakes. No one is perfect, nothing lasts forever, and everyone dies eventually. Well except maybe you. I don’t know what you’ve done in detail and I don’t know what death witches are.” There just had to be something hiding under the exterior he put out, right?

“Do you know what I can attest to? I can attest to the fact that we have been standing here holding a conversation and have yet to try to hurt me. You have not insulted me, attacked me, or gone out of your way to inflict any kind of harm on to me. I have no reason to fear you. Everyone has their own personal demons and I think it is apart of life to learn from them and destroy them.” The last sentence was something she had heard her mother tell her father one night and it seemed to make him feel better so why not use it in a situation where it could possibly help prove her point.

She would offer him a shrug. “Do you really want me to fear you, Kaegen?” Her sharp sapphire eyes searched his for an answer trying to see if she could find it before he actually answered.

She didn't run. Didn't back away. That made some sense, he was aware that there were a few people who didn't get scared of him. Anomalies existed everywhere, that wasn't anything new. Except she was being extremely weird. In the way she spoke to him, in the manner she used to express what she was thinking so unflinchingly. Why did she care, why did she say anything along those lines. Why did she think he had his own personal demons? He didn't, he was decidedly demon-free. If he had any demons, he would have already killed them.

"It wasn't a mistake. A prefect said she'd handle me, I responded by using a spell to slice her open. From the shoulder to the hip. And then when I moved to the bathroom stall, another student tried to tackle me, so I stabbed them. And when the third came to help her friend, I cut her as well. I hurt the last one on my way out the window. They all should have died, they would have died if the professor hadn't arrived so soon. It wasn't a mistake it was a choice I made."

Did she not believe him? Did she really not think he was dangerous? He wasn't someone anyone should be hanging out around, he knew that. She should know that too, right? She should flee, leave, go away. But no, she had stayed to ask him why. His tired eyes widened in slight disbelief. They were more surprised than anything else. More shocked that anyone would try to understand why they should be afraid of something than anything else.

"Only because you haven't shown yourself to be a threat. Had you approached me differently you might have found yourself dead on the ground. I am a monster, I am the monster. The hated, the shunned, the feared. It keeps me safe. And I cannot speak for you but I have no demons on me."

As if to emphasize his point he reached back behind him with one arm, patting around, and then brushing his shoulders briefly while not taking his eyes off the girl in front of him. No, he was right. No demons. He did, however, make a mental note to check more often. One day he might have a demon and not know about it, so checking regularly seemed like a smart thing to do.

It was he last question that made the little boy stumble the most. Made him take a step back. Did he want her to?

"Yes"

Yes, he wanted to be left alone, so he could be safe, so people wouldn't bother him.

"Well, I-"

No. He was starting to think, he was starting to think much too hard about what he wanted, about his own beliefs. He was starting to look at himself, and he knew exactly where that train of thought led to. His eyes shut tight, oblivious to the girl right in front of him, only opening a second later.

"You can't choose what you're afraid of"

Crisis averted.

He elaborated on the situation where he wreaked havoc on those around him, but she disagreed with his perspective. “Sounds like you did what you claim to do best in that situation. You survived. One might claim self-defense.” She was picking apart everything he said and applying logic and rational thinking to it stemming from the few things she had learned from him so far. It was clear, at least to her, that most of his front was a defense mechanism. She only even partially recognized it because she did the same thing just in a less murderous way. She was often cold and made herself sound and look unapproachable to avoid others and it was a defense mechanism so that she wouldn’t get hurt.

Two peas in a pod on different ends of the spectrum? Perhaps, the difference was it seemed that she was already learning how to break out of her own shell within a couple of months versus something that was going to take this boy many more years to understand if he ever did at all. “If I had approached you in a threatening manner I would deem that I would have deserved it.” It’s not that she didn’t believe him she fully believed that he had done everything he claimed to, but she had no reason to simply walk away. “Demons, was a figure of speech. I simply meant we all have things we go through on a personal level eventually.”

Yes He didn’t seem to hold conviction in his answer. Then he faltered and it was what she was looking for. It only confirmed her suspicion that most of this outward expression wasn’t completely how he wanted to be. He closed his eyes before looking at her again and he would find she would still be there and still be holding eye contact with his strange eyes.

She smiled at his response. “True, you cannot simply choose what you are and are not afraid of. The power within fear and courage is choosing how you react to that fear. I personally cannot control what happens around me, but I can control how I deal with it and the decisions I make.” She uncrossed her arms placing her left hand on her hip and adjusting her posture levying her weight from one foot to the other. Her right hand went through her hair pushing most of it away from her face letting it tousle onto her back.

With a soft sigh, her silvery voice continued. “Could I have rounded the corner and within seeing you screamed and ran away because you look different? Sure I could have. I would be a liar if I said your appearance didn’t concern me a little, but some of the best books have tattered covers. You have done nothing to me, Kaegen, so I do not see it fair to treat you with unkindness.” Another shrug. “The way I treat people reflects on how they treat me. She was a decently simple person for someone who was also still so complex. She spent most of her time speaking with adults who enjoyed playing games of political intrigue and that seemed to be helping her out some here. “Kaegen, if you wish for me to leave say the words and I will walk away but I will not do so with you as my enemy. You have not deserved to be dubbed my enemy.” She would watch him much as she did before trying to guage his reaction before he spoke it.