heartbreak is real and truly kicking bai's butt Solo Closed

word count. 564/200 (just rpg word count)

interacting with. dNPCs, family.

tags. @Kim Sato || @Colin McCoire || @Ava Winchect || @Keith Moore ||

additional notes.

Reducio

Uuhhh yay we're getting to explore bailey's sad/depresso side WOOO *sigh* as a naturally kinda really happy presenting person, this (and writing in general for me) is a coping mechanism of sorts, a way of processing what has/is/will happen to me. Not going to go into detail, but a grandparent of mine has a terminal disease/illness and in the last few years it's gotten worse, to the point they don't really remember where they are/who we are/who i am. I know im going to lose them at some point, possibly soon, so this is my way of coping and coming to terms with that (while getting to explore a side of bailey we haven't seen before yay for character development)
I apologize if anything i say here is insensitive, or if any of y'all can relate to this. Losing someone you love, in lack of a better way to put it, SUCKS. It's awful, and painful.
One thing I find comfort in, besides knowing God is always by my side, is a quote i read once, and that really resonated with me.
"Grief is just love with no where to go"
Andrew Garfield also mentioned this feeling of love, and grief, and it goes along with the above sentiment.
"I hope this grief stays with me because it's all the unexpressed love that I didn't get to tell her"
This thread is going to be bailey, along the journey of losing her grandmother, and then her funeral, and then bailey processing, and all of her regrets, and what she's going to do differently in the future.
So if you needed it: here's your sign to tell your loved ones, your family (blood and/or chosen), your friends, that you love them. Never again will i leave my family without saying i love you, never will I feel ashamed of yelling "I love you!" to my friends as I leave.
That's the thing about life, you never know when the last time you see someone will be. Don't hold those I love you's back
That being said: I love you all so much, thank you for being a chosen family of my own. Here's to many more years of writing and exploring who I am and who Bailey is

Summer 2025.
July 12th (Saturday)
Bielański Hospital, Warsaw, Poland

Bailey swore her heart was failing in her chest. Sitting by her grandmother's hospital bed, she held her grandmother's hand while she slept. Her grandmother's hand felt so small, so fragile, in bailey's.
After receiving the letter that her grandmother was sick and in the hospital back in Feburary, Bailey had tried to hold strong. But knowing she was losing one of her dearest family members hurt like nothing she had known before. This could not compare to loosing pets when she was younger, to any minor 'heartbreak' she had felt over a boy, even over losing James and his betrayal.
Although it felt like her heart was shattering, Bailey knew it was not her heart she should be worried about, but instead her grandmothers. Her grandmother had been let out of the hospital back in March, allowed to go back home, for the doctors had found nothing wrong with her. She had gradually grown a little weaker, but it had not been until right before summer break started that her family had had cause to be concerned about her.
Right before summer term ended, Bailey's Busia grandmother in polish had had a minor heart attack. Despite being minor, and Busia surviving, she had still ended up in the hospital again, and from what bailey had overheard her parents and the doctors discussing, her Busia did not have long to live.
Still trying to come to terms with this, bailey felt a few tears slip down her face. She quickly wiped them away when she felt her grandmother stir besides her.
"Busia?" bailey said, quietly, just in case her grandmother was still asleep.
"yes, dear?" Busia spoke, and bailey's heart squeezed, knowing she might not hear that voice many more times.
"I love you, Busia, you know that right?" bailey said, having to say that before she said anything else.
"yes darling, and i hope that you know i love you, and your brothers, and your parents, and DziaDzia* more than anything else."
* = grandfather in polish
Tears resumed rolling down bailey's face, and she nodded, her voice thick with emotions.
"I'm going to miss you so much, Busia. I don't know.... i ... i...."
Her grandmother squeezed her hand, before speaking. Her voice still soft, it was calm and bailey did her darndest to memorize the sound.
"I will always be with you, bailey, in your heart, and watching over you from above. Trust in God that we will be reunited one day, for eternity. I love you, and our love will be forever"
Bailey smiled at her grandmother's wise words, before asking "How can you be so calm? Isn't it.. scary, to know you're, you know... dying?"
Busia smiled softly back at bailey. "With age you will learn that death is the only guarantee in life, and if you trust in God, it truly will only seem like coming home. I know that when i pass, i will get to see my parents again, my grandparents, my aunts and uncles. It is hard knowing im leaving you and your family here, but I have family waiting for me up in heaven, with open arms."
Bailey had no words to reply to that, and just hugged her grandmother. Pulling back, she let out one last "I love you, Busia. Always and forever."
Busia smiled back, love evident in her eyes. "I love you too, B. Always and forever, no matter what."