Bad Advice

You want to pump your own gas? Fine. Steal fuel from the port of Newark when the ships come in and bring it home. Then you pump your own gas in the privacy of your own home.

I'd like to teach swimming without having to pass the water safety instructor course. What do I do?

Easy, create your own certificate on Photoshop then teach away.

There's not enough parking in the city. What should I do with my car?

You should probably just ditch your own car and steal the one with the parking spot you want. Or better yet, steal a cop car. They can park anywhere.

I forgot my mom's birthday and she's really upset with me. How can I make it up to her?

Make her a cake... from questionable materials... and give it to her two weeks after it was made.

I tend to procrastinate.

I, too, had this problem, until I discovered the instant gratification of quitting things. Now I have tons of free time to sign up for new activities.

I'm not very fashion-conscious and have trouble picking out clothes. Can anyone help me?

Just stop wearing clothes!

I am on Hogwarts.io i didn't know what to say

Run around singing Halo by Beyonce to the top of your voice.

I want a sandwich but I am allergic to bread

Eat five sandwiches and a loaf of bread

People think I'm a boy because apparently my avatar looks like a boy when it's actually supposed to be a girl (who identifies as agender) with short hair

@Quinn Prescott
Live as an undercover boy. Learn the secrets of the male species. Return to your female comrades. Take over the world!

I'm tired but coffee isn't doing the trick. How do I stay awake?

Smash the mirror! You can replace it with a picture of your ideal self. Good luck! Get it?

I love my cat so much that he can't stand me... I smother him with hugs and now he runs and hides when he sees me coming. How can I improve?

PS Stella I love your Groucho Marx quote!