Reopened 06.08 Let's Just Breathe pv brookline

𝕹o one told her how hard it was when you loose a dad, not a father, but a dad. Or when you cry for a night or two straight. Or, of course, when your mum sends you a letter about your underage siblings and herself. Like, who knew unless it happened to you, right?

The Welsh girl flinched, her eyes growing bigger by the second. She was in the Great Hall and she just saw Sage. Brookline didn’t know what to do as a rush of thoughts, a rush of remembrance, when she was just previously in the Courtyard, pulsed through her.

She couldn’t. She wouldn’t tell Sage. She just couldn’t...

***

Brookline shook in the winter’s air as her eyes burned, her hands snug in her cloak. The Ravenclaw girl had gotten her mother’s depressing letter during breakfast, and she hadn’t been able to focus at all during her classes and lessons. Not even Charms, her favorite class! As she sauntered on through the Courtyard, her steps dysfunctional, and feeble. Parts of her mother’s letter inched their way into the important of her brain, their tones mocking her.

Lizy hasn’t been out of her room since you before left. Actually, I don’t really know. I haven’t paying attention. I can’t.

It feels as though my brain is on shutdown mode. What is wrong with me?

Is it wrong to think that I should go out and scream to the world? Is it wrong to think everything is a dream? Is it wrong to see my family and think, ‘Why? Why I must I be cursed to see my husband who left me, in my children!?’

Your brothers has been nagging me, and I snapped at them, thinking they were Chase. What the hell is wrong with me?! I can’t snap at them like that! I know I told you Hogwarts is where your home is, Brookline, but am I overthinking myself?

Why did I snap at your brothers? Why can’t I get over this? Why??

Clamping her hands over her ears, Brookline’s heart throbbed against her rib cage, bouncing back and forth. Inhale. Exhale. In. Out. In, and out. Breath.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Breath, Brookline. Breath, Brookline’s thoughts gave herself very little reassurance. Her fingers were scrunched up against her head, fingernails digging under brunette hair, hitting her scalp. Then releasing her fingers, she pulled the cloak over her head, making her way to the school, very much so reluctantly.

She didn’t want to see anyone. She didn’t want to eat. She wanted to clear her head. But how the heck was she able to make it to her ding dang dorm room which was on the highest floor without anyone stopping her?

In the Great Hall, Brookline pulled the hood over her soft brunette hair, almost wishing she’d dyed her hair, and no one knew who she was. She almost skittered halfway across the hall, hoping desperately that absolutely no one saw her, when she caught the sight of familiar brown eyes flitting up from a book. Sage.

Abruptly, Brookline froze, flinching, she didn’t want Sage to know. She didn’t anyone to know.

Why? A tiny voice bloomed through the surprise. She pushed it aside, wanting to stay neutral. Her thoughts didn’t froze, though.

Brookline tip-toed slowly to the door, wishing and crossing her fingers and hoping literally no one came and trapped her, making her talk. There was a reason why she thought she was a monster...

date- January 7th, 2025 location- great hall time- after dinner

wc- 454 interacting/mentioning- @Brookline Quinn ooc notes-

The inability to focus had grown in Sage's life since... Well, she didn't really remember when it started exactly. Just that it, little sad memories, like to shove back at her temporary happiness when she least wanted it to. She'd written it off as normal.

xxxxThat day, that exact moment Sage lost focus on her book, happened to be perfect timing. A flash of robes caught her eye. Normally Sage wouldn't have thought much of it, just another student around the castle, it wasn't unusual, this was a school after all. But the person she swore the clothes were attached to sent a chill of something other than winter air through her.

xxxxBrookline.

xxxxHer face, sadder than Sage remember, was undeniably hers. Sage dog-eared the page in her novel, haphazardly throwing the cover shut as she stumbled over herself to rush to the door. Running, sort of awkwardly since she wasn't using her running blade, to the door, to Brookline.

xxxxSage felt an air of something, something salty like tears, something bitter like coffee, something sad like their lives. She stopped as she neared her friend and nearly burst into tears at the sight of her. She looked so...

xxxxHurt.

xxxxSage cleared her throat and forced a smile. "I thought it was you I saw! Did you miss dinner? I'm sure we could find you something to eat." She paused, taking in the site of Brookline. The hood over her head, like she was trying to seal her thoughts inside, seemed to swallow her whole. Sage desperately needed to pull her out. If she didn't, would Sage be next to drown?

xxxx"I was just down here reading, would you like to join me? It's good to see you again, here. Not just your letters. Do you... Do you want to talk about anything? Or we could just sit? Seriously, just tell me what you need."

xxxxSage had determined she would be Brookline's own personal Cassie, only in the sense that she was her friend and not her step-mum. She knew Brookline needed one just like Sage had- like Sage still did. She couldn't really read Brookline's expression, just her obvious physical state.

xxxxShe hungered to help her. To heal her. To get her over that mountain.

xxxxThe fact of the matter was, though, that Sage wasn't over her own mountain just yet.

xxxx"Come," she said, gently taking Brookline's arm in hers to guide her to where Sage sat. "I've got a new novel, it's a good one. Perhaps you could borrow it when I'm done?"

xxxxAnything Sage could do or say to better the situation would be said, you could bet on it. She'd heard enough supposedly healing things in her life to repeat.

ℬrookline had just turned around, as she heard some sort shuffling and half-running across the floor. It was Sage. The Welsh Ravenclaw was happy to see Sage, but it didn’t make her one bit less sadder. She felt like she had just passed out, and she felt nothing, and she only saw blurs of Sage. Why can’t I feel anything? All I feel is emptiness. Is that a good thing?

Once the blurs slowly cleared, Brookline could properly hear what the Hufflepuff was saying, a smile plastered on her face, and her brown eyes looking fearful, “I thought it was you I saw! Did you miss dinner? I'm sure we could find you something to eat.”

Brookline pulled her hood down, revealing dull, sad blue eyes, and unruly, gangly, and tangled brunette hair. All her lush curls were now a ugly rat’s nest, and her brunette color wasn’t even quite brunette any more. It was more darker now, with bits of fly-a-ways, and knots. She couldn’t let Sage know. Sage has already lots to deal with, lots and lots. How could Brookline build more pressure on dear Sage’s shoulders? No, she has to do it alone. Alone! All alone.

Then Brookline did something desperate: “Uhh... yeah. I just ate dinner... In my dorm.” She fibbed, “Yeah, um. Dorm. And I was just going to go back to it.” Now, that wasn’t a fib, but still, she lied. Lied to Sage!

Sage’s next words were mushed together, and the only thing Brookline caught was the very tail end of the Hufflepuff’s sentences, “Seriously, just tell me what you need.” Brookline’s eyes widened as she heard only the echoes of Sage’s end of her sentence over and over and over again.

Seriously, just tell me what you need. Just tell me... tell me what you need. What you need... Slapping hands upon her ears, Brookline’s heart thumped, pounding, thinking as she quickly realized what she was doing. Sage’s words were still echoing loudly in her ears, but she flung her shaky hands down, nodding a bit too quickly, “Uh. Yeah, I’m okay. I’m okay. J - just, you know. A bit stressed. Yeah. Stressed.”

Sage’s words rang again and again, making Brookline freeze when she felt a gentle hand on her arm. Body rigid, she glanced over and watched Sage lead her over to the House tables.

“Um. Sure. W - wait where are we going again?” The Ravenclaw asked, her tone a bit nervous.

You will never get him back, Amy. He’s gone forever, This time Chase’s words reverberated throughout her body. His words reminded Brookline the day he left, and then her own words floated back to her. Uhh... yeah. I just ate dinner... In my dorm... Yeah, um. Dorm. And I was just going to go back to it.

She noticed how discombobulated she felt like, and how unbelievable she sounded. Almost reprimanding herself, Brookline’s thoughts made it sound like she had a lack of faith, Ugh, Sage’ll never believe me. Never!

Brookline was probably right.

date- January 7th, 2025 location- great hall time- after dinner

wc- 359 interacting/mentioning- @Brookline Quinn ooc notes-

Had Hogwarts suddenly turned into a horror film? Sage stepped back when Brookline removed her hood to reveal that her strained expression wasn't the extent of her physical differences. Sage loved her friend dearly, but even she couldn't ignore that Brookline had clearly seen better days.

xxxxThe mystery in Sage's book wasn't the only mystery in Hogwarts, and the lies she was hearing were even less believable than ones read in print. Sage's lips pressed together in a firm line.

xxxx"Y'know... I find it even more stressful to cram up in my dorm when things are rough. Being alone is nice, but it just forces you into that headspace continuously."

xxxxAnything to keep her friend from shutting her out, tucking away in a cave of bad dreams, she would do. She wouldn't lose Brookline. She swore it to herself internally. She chose to ignore the comment about dinner for the moment, though she'd definitely bring it back. Maybe suggest a snack to tempt her mind?

xxxxSage knew she wasn't crazy, that Brookline had tensed when she took her arm. She allowed her grip to loosen slightly, trying to help Brookline feel more comfortable. If you could ever rearrange your comfort after... that.

xxxxSage, if Brookline agreed, would sit her down where she'd previously been sitting and fold her hands neatly in her lap. Proper for properly unfortunate circumstances.

xxxx"So...," she started, "maybe we should talk? About everything? I know you probably don't want to, I get that completely, but sometimes talking about it is good. Helpful, even. I just..." Sage unfolded her pale hands and threw her head into it. "I need you to be okay again! My heart... It is shattering to see you like this. I mean this to be as friendly as possible, but you don't look good. You're pale, thin, your hair hasn't seen a brush in God knows how long, and your eyes. Brook. Your eyes shouldn't physically look like ocean water. You already had the color, lose the wetness! I need you to breathe again."

xxxxSage mentally took a step back. This likely wasn't helping her. She sighed and said, "Sorry. You talk."

ℬrookline sighed when Sage took a step back. She knew it. Her appearance was unruly, if her high pure-blood grandparents ever saw her, they would have a bloody fit.

Sage replied to her fib, finding it stressful to stay in her dorm. Brookline only nodded unconvincing, and she opened her mouth to say something, but she closed it again. It was better to be quiet when your mind is so loud.

The Ravenclaw could only see Sage in front of her and her own nose. Everything else wss so distorted, she thought her eyes had been crossed. They weren’t. Shaking her head, she tried to clear all the daunting images. Her eyes burned. Burned. It was horrible. And her hair kept getting in her face. Only the tangled hair felt scratchy against her pale face.

She felt Sage lessen her grip on her arm and Brookline finally saw the Hufflepuff house table. Sage sat her down in a chair, and the Hufflepuff sat in the chair besides her. Her boots scuffed the floor as Brookline settled in her seat, wondering why Sage wanted to sit.

Sage started, her hands neatly folded in her lap, “Maybe we should talk? About everything?” Brookline considered it, her hand cradling her cheek, and then nodded softly. However much she didn’t want to talk about it, Sage’ll just yank her back and wouldn’t let her go til she talked. It was probably better just to listen to Sage.

Then Sage snapped. She had threw her head into her hands, and started spitting out words. Honest ones but some of them hurt. Brookline knew Sage wasn’t rude, or anything but it still hurt. It didn’t hurt as much when Chase Senior basically called her a cry baby.

Now that she thought about it, her father’s words flooded into her loud mind, If you’re gonna cry about something then don’t tell me. Brookline remembered how she blew up when he told her this, how emotional she felt when she ran away. How empty she felt now? How depressed she felt when her mind was filled with words, filled with words people called her now she repeated them to herself.

I’m a monster. I’m not good enough. After I yelled at my own father, I don’t deserve anyone, I don’t deserve love. Nobody loves me, my worthless father proved that, the words cut through her skull, hearing them over and over and over again.

I must be cursed. I must be cursed to feel this way. I must be cursed to have this words fling at me, she thought, her eyes now wide as a tear escaped her left eye, rolled down her cheek and onto the floor. However loud her mind was, the teardrop was louder.

Then Sage finished, her words almost demanding, “I need you to breathe again.” She sighed, apologized and told Brookline to talk.

Another tear fell. What if I don’t wanna breathe again? What I don’t want to feel another emotion for as long as I shall live? What if I don’t want to cry again? What if I don’t want to talk? Brookline wanted to say all those things but she couldn’t get herself to open her mouth and use the dang voice box God made her to use.

Brookline wanted to stand up, fling the chair into the table, and take her wand and curse the whole ding dang world. Better take her anger out instead of crying. She dropped her head onto the table, and onto her handed as if her body couldn’t hold the weight of her head. A sob would escape her.

Then after a long silence, Brookline held her head back up, and her eyes gleaming in her tears. Her cheeks were wet, and her robe sleeves were bit wet.

“W - what if I can’t breathe again? I can’t live like this. How could anyone? What... what if I don’t w - want to breathe again? Nothing going to be the same again. I mean, he was never a good father, I’ll admit it. But Mum’s always talking about what a glorious Hufflepuff he was, and how - how kind he was? L - like, what h - happened to him? What happened to the Hufflepuff inside him!? W - was it m - me?” Brookline’s thoughts was going wild - it wouldn’t stop, even after yelling at it to stop. Hands would cover her ears as she continued to sob quite quietly, her head resting inside her arms on the table.

date- January 7th, 2025 location- great hall time- after dinner

wc- 402 interacting/mentioning- @Brookline Quinn ooc notes-

A gulp trapped itself in Sage's throat. Brookine's lack of communication had her concern. Written, easy as it could have been to write what was happening, wasn't the same as verbal. Sage wanted Brook to just talk to her. Sage needed her to talk. Would Sage ever finally move on from everything if she knew Brook hadn't?

xxxxBut Brookline had followed her. Somehow, that managed to hold a bit of the weight Sage was holding. At least she hadn't run off, barring herself away in a mental prison.

xxxxBut Sage knew it was likely to get worse, even if this felt like the height. Sage had her peak, her Great Big Bad Day, and she knew Brookline would have one as well. And she knew that day would feel like the worst in the world. For everyone.

xxxxBut when her friend spoke after letting out the sound of a sob, Sage felt something inside her crumble apart. Her hands that she tried to hold still shook furiously and Brookline's words felt like a knife to her heart.

xxxxHow had it gotten so bad so fast?

xxxx"Brook," Sage whispered, eyeing the tear paving its way down Brookline's gaunt face, "I- Your father has left his mark, a bruise on fair skin. Even the worst of bruises heal. But you didn't cause this. Some people, for reasons I struggle to understand, have this anger built up in them. For Christopher, it was Mum's death that set it off. I don't know in your case, but that isn't ours to figure out. Ours to figure out is how we can move on."

xxxxShe paused to gently offer an arm to wrap around Brookline. "It will take time, like I told you in our letters. A painful, burning amount of pain. But- and this is the best part- it won't last forever. Good days will turn into good weeks, bad days will turn into bad memories. But that can't happen unless you keep going, keep breathing."

xxxxSage's words slowed to a stop, watching the shaking figure. A section of her limbic system flashed back to her own contempt, her own shaking. She closed her eyes to swallow and calm the shaking.

xxxx"What can I do for you right now? I can just listen, or I could go grab you a bite to eat? Just tell me, Brook. I'm right here, breathing right along with you."

ℬrookline felt like a bomb. All those thoughts and voices ticking. She could go off at any second and explode. She wanted to be that bomb. Anything else, like a destructive bomb was so much better than being a weak small sobbing and horrid creature. At least her miserable life could end.

She wondered, When can this end? How can this end? Can I make this go any faster? Why must I cry?Why, bitch of a father? Brookline sobbed more. She didn’t want to insult her father; she wanted him back.

Brookline heard her name, her nickname, a nickname that her mother and more people used. She heard Sage’s voice, and words but as she shook as if it was less than negative fifty degrees, in the snow, her emotion only grew. Red worn cheeks hurt as tears burned their way. They felt like fire. Sage’s calm words didn’t make Brookline calm as she thought it would.

One of Sage’s wise sentences would echo and echo in her brain as the Hufflepuff continued. “...Some people, for reasons I struggle to understand, have this anger built up in them...” No worries, Sage, I struggle to understand that too. I have parts of an idea why my anger and sadness is so explicit towards my father. Brookline’s words never left her mouth and stayed, bouncing, echoing through her brain.

Brookline felt Sage’s arm wrap around her, and her shaking and silent sobs slowed as Sage finished her next string of sentences about pain and how it won’t last forever. Brookline looked back up towards her friend, her voice soft and dark blue irises burning with a question. “B - but how? How will we know our mountains of pain and oceans of tears has ended? You said it will only become better if we keep breathing, how will it help? I - it hurts because I only wanted a real Dad. A real father. Instead all I get is him and he changes before I even get to know him. All I wanna know is what the hell happened? If I knew, perhaps I could feel a bit better. But I can’t ask him now,” As Brookline finished her sentence, it followed by another, her voice grim and rough. “He left and it just might be my fault.”

Brookline saw Sage’s eyes close, as she shook slightly. This was not just taking it’s toll on Brookline, but also on Sage. And it hurt, because she had always seen Sage as such a strong girl. She strung a finger though the knots of her gangly hair, and twirled it around, consciously, as her friend kept speaking to her. She knew what she wanted from Sage and she knew she didn’t want food. She was hungry but she didn’t want to eat. “I - I. I think I’m okay, I’m not that hungry. D - do you think you could just stay? It feels better when you have a friend by your side.”

Brookline sighed, and another tear rolled down her cheek. Her pain hadn’t quite past and she didn’t know how long it would til it could past. She just hoped Sage could help her in her darkest moments and she could help Sage too, in her own darkest moments.

date- January 7th, 2025 location- great hall time- after dinner

wc- 324 interacting/mentioning- @Brookline Quinn ooc notes-

Sage had never experienced standing in a hurricane. She'd never sat during an earthquake, never faced a tsunami, no natural ways of disaster had wrecked her life. Metaphorical disasters, those she had known all too well. Nothing about it was natural though. Nothing about any of it could ever be natural. But Sage opened the windows and allowed the raindrops from the storm to stain her face.

It took everything for her to hold her tears in. And even then, it didn't feel like enough. This brick wall she had constructed was crumbling, brick by brick and piece by piece. Seeing Brookline looking so small, so fragile, it broke her. Her heart had been thrown onto the floor, she watched it crack like a shattered mirror.

"I- I want to tell you so desperately that one day you'll wake up and be able to declare to the world that this will never hurt you again. But..." Sage's hands covered her cheeks and one, two, ten tears streaked down her face. She wiped them away before they were visible. "It's... It's a scar is what it is. And one day the stitches will heal, but looking at the scar will bring back those memories. You can cover it up, you can dab concealer on it, but first you have to let the stitches settle."

Sage couldn't stop herself before her voice rose, an audible hoarseness to it. "No! No! You don't- I'm refusing to let you say it is your fault. It isn't. It never will be. Your father is and was an absolute idiot to separate himself from your life. An idiot! You did not cause that."

She allowed her eyes to blink closed and for a second, just a small second, for her body to shake. A glimpse at her own scar, and she opened her eyes. The shaking stopped.

"Yeah," she said. "I'll stay."

In every lifetime, she would promise to stay.

ℬombs, Brookline thought, are meant to explode. Why can't I?

She sobbed, and sobbed, and sobbed. It was all she could do at the moment. All she could think about is the moment her father left. She cried. Why did he have to leave? She cursed, loudly, and she sighed.

He hates you...

Brookline recoiled at first, yet she ignored the voice and focused on Sage. Sage stated that she wanted to to tell Brookline that one day the Welsh girl might wake up one day and nothing could hurt her. Sage covered her face with her palms, and continued that her hurt was a scar, some stitches.

Scars and stitches...? She wondered, and craned her head back to gaze at the ceiling. The magical ceiling stared back at her. Light shone through her dark blue eyes, half-inspired. She nodded to Sage, and, surprisingly, a tear didn't fall.

Then Sage's voice became firm, rising to a hoarse point. "No! No! You don't- I'm refusing to let you say it is your fault..."

It's my fault, though... Brookline whispered to herself, as this time, a single tear tracked down her forlorn cheek. Although, is my father an idiot?

A voice whispered mockingly, Don't call your father an idiot! It sounded like her father and mother combined. Brookline's eyebrows knitted together in pure confusion, and then she nodded, affirming the decision to listen to the voice. That wasn't exactly chosen by her.

I'm an idiot to ever believe that my father is an idiot, Brookline obeyed the voice, her thoughts bending, although she nodded, blankly, to her friend, pretending to agree with her friend.

She didn't talk. Why was the need? Everytime she would open her lips, and spoke, a whisper would protest, and drown out her thoughts. Just why, when she didn't need to? She dipped her head again, her tangled brunette curls fell before her eyes, a curtain above her face. The locks lashed at her eyes and it felt like her hair was attacking her. Her lips fell into a frown and she batted her unruly hair away.

Brookline took a glance at Sage, and saw the young girl trembled. She tried to feel a emotion, to feel anything but she felt emotional-less.

Emotional-less.

Empty.

Void.

Cold.

Desolate.

She wanted to feel so much, it hurt. So bad. Brookline wanted feel some kind of emotion, anything, just to show she was a human and not a stupid alien or robot. In her chest, her heart hammered in it's cage, the vital, crimson organ attacking the bars.

She nodded. And then her emotions kicked in, just like that. There was just one catch. Only one powerful but sometimes worthless emotion.

Anger.

Brookline only let her rage show through her muscles, her muscles shivering, and trembling.

Wrath made her want everything.

She wanted to cry. She wanted to scream. She wanted to shake her fist violently at the sky. She wanted to hide in a rotting hole. She wanted to give the finger to her father. She wanted her real dad. She wanted to die. She wanted to explode.

Nothing happened. Of course nothing did.

Even her sobs slowed. And eventually her outrageous weeping stopped.

Brookline turned her head towards Sage. The Hufflepuff had just told her that she would stay. Her anger decreased but only for a bit. She was glad Sage wanted to stay.

The Ravenclaw girl let the angry trembling in her arms decelerate and slow. She gazed over at Sage, and nodded. Even if her lips didn't turn up in a grateful smile, at least her mouth didn't switch into a frown.

"Thank you, Sage. Thanks." Those would be the only words that would travel out of her lips for a while. She didn't care. Who would?

She would rather be mute.

occ note: ackkkk im so sorry for a late reply!!!