Calm(?) After the Storm
“...Goto San..” Sara mumbled softly out just loud enough for the young girl to hear, focusing instead on how she reacts to the sound of his voice. Ignoring the gut wrenching flood of anxiety just clawing its way from his stomach to his throat. He wondered if that one word was all it took to signal to the young girl about his very own unease. And if it were any more different than how he usually said. Such a simple thing he had to do. Ask if he can sit down next to her, talk, and then move on. Yet somehow sharing the same space as her made Sara work hard not to show too much tension in his shoulders. It was simple, yes. Different. So much more different. And he wonders if Miharu felt the same.
It’s amazing how just a few days ago, he wouldn’t have thought such a simple interaction would be this nerve wrecking. Like he was on the tiniest tightrope, and the smallest imbalance would cause Miharu distress. Nevermind what he felt. It was her that Sara was the most concerned about. Yet hogsmeade, the fire, and the things that followed afterwards…it haunts him enough. He can only wonder how much it affected the girl.
After a few days, he got sick of simply wondering. How long should he stay frozen from the events that transpired when someone else could be having it worse? Knowing what she did.. Or at least tried to do for him, and have her flee. Not to mention the way she’s been acting around him. Most people had their own… differently react to Sara after what happened in Hogsmeade. None of them break him as much as Miharu’s distance did.
“ May I.. sit here..? If.. if it’s not..taken of course. I .. I just hoped we could.. talk”
Raizel Voltrouz's INPC @Miharu Goto
Last edited by Hanako Tone on 9 Feb 2025, 11:59, edited 1 time in total.
Calm(?) After the Storm
But the incident in Hogsmeade happened and she ended up hurting one of her upperclassmen in a failed attempt to help and heal. Oh, she could still hear it. That pained scream that was louder than what she had heard during that time. It's there, echoing non-stop, haunting her till now. It made her distant, even back in the cabin that they all share, she would stay in her own place, never saying anything, never facing anyone. Excuses had been her go to just to avoid any conversation, any interaction, especially when faced with Sara Kohana. He was the one she had hurt and the very person that she doesn't want to face. No, it was more of the fact that she doesn't deserve to be anywhere near him, not after what she did to him. So when he, for some reason, decided to approach her now, it almost made her jump.
Why?
That was all Miharu could ask. He asked to sit beside her when there were other places he could do so, away from the one who had hurt him that day. He wanted to talk to her… really? Her? Her heartbeat was louder than the chatters around them, her breath almost panicky due to the situation that she had somehow found herself in.
Decline, drive him away…
“N-No… that seat is not taken.” She answered, mentally slapping herself for not telling him to go away. Curse her and her politeness. “Feel free to have a seat.” This is a mistake, she should've told him that the seat was taken but she knows she's a bad liar. Just think of an excuse later to leave the table, run to a place where no one else would go, a safe space from others where she could just be on her own. She didn't dare to look at him, knowing full well she doesn't have the right to do so, to even be sitting in the same space as him. Her body is already screaming at her to run away, much like what she did when she couldn't bear the guilt of hurting Sara back in Hogsmeade. She didn't say anything else after that brief exchange of words either, mostly focusing on her own plate with half-eaten food. Such a waste but she can't force herself when she just lost her appetite and no, this was not Sara’s fault. Blaming it on him would be shameless behaviour. Hasn't she done enough shameful acts already? No, the only one to blame here is her own weakness, her own inability to face her problems and come into terms of what she had done.
Others might forgive her but she hasn't forgiven herself and until she does so, her isolation will continue.❰▬▬▬❀▬▬▬❱Mentions »»» @ | @
Interactions »»» @Hanako Tone as Sara Kohana | @
English ❭❭❭ #007870 | Japanese ❭❭❭ #2a4b7a
Ency | PC Raizel Voltrouz
STA: 10| EVA: 15| STR: 0| WIS: 15| ARC: 0| ACC: 16
Eva. Maneuvers I | Eva. Maneuvers II | Keen Eye | 'Cat's Grace | TBA
Calm(?) After the Storm
It should have been a familiar scene by this point. Sara wouldn’t dare to count the amount of times people have responded in a similar way when he asked something as simple as sitting down next to them. Only this time it stung in deeper. At least with most, he could guess they just weren’t used to having his presence around. But she, on the other hand, had . Or at least, he thought so from the way she talked to him at Quidditch. It hurts more when things were going so well until it's ripped away before you could even anticipate it. Even worse- he was at fault. And it was only that in mind that he pushed through the urge to leave. If he leaves now under the conclusion that he didn't want to make her uncomfortable, the ease would only be temporary. He had things to say. And he hoped, if she was willing, she would share hers too.
He nodded in appreciation, “ Thank you “ he said as he sat down next to her. For a moment, he didnt know what to say. Silently grabbing whatever seemed easy to digest to place in his place. Realising that in the end, his own plate had more or less the same portion Miharu had left on hers. “ …it … doesn’t quite taste the same as it did in Mahoutokoro doesn’t it?” he started out, his naturally gruff voice sounding disconnected with the gentle way he tries to speak. If anything, he sounded careful. “ Even if the food is pretty much the same. It's like.. The smallest change in the way it's made makes a difference. Still.. Food is important still. Generally and..for quidditch..right? Seekers do a lot for the team..so they need fuel”. He looks down at his own food. Not yet having the energy to eat it. “And..you do a lot for the team.. Since youre always.. practicing..” the more he spoke the more he lost the little confidence he already had to begin with. He sighed. “ … Im .. my apologies.. I’m rambling...did I make you uneasy..?.”
@Raizel Voltrouz's INPC @Miharu Goto
Calm(?) After the Storm
She opened her mouth to say something but nothing came out at first. She tried once more and that time, there were words. “Yes, it tastes different.” Miharu agreed although she was too focused on suppressing her emotions to tell the difference between what they had in Mahoutokoro and the ones served in the Great Hall. At that moment, she thought agreeing was the best and she had a level of trust with Sara so what he said was probably true. This was the same person who had saved her during a Quidditch match despite how scared she was of him and naturally for her, she would find him trustworthy. Still, she was afraid of him. It doesn't matter if he was being gentle, if he was trying his hardest to be as friendly as possible. She just couldn't find herself staying in the same space as him, not when she was still overrun with guilt with what she did. She can't even remember if she had apologized properly for that. She didn’t and that added more to the guilt.
“That’s right, food is important, especially when you are in sports… you need the energy to perform well in them.” How she could still keep her voice calm despite the fear she was feeling, that she doesn’t know. It was surprising that her hand wasn’t shaking. Then again, just give it a few more minutes of interacting with Sara, then they’ll start shaking. Miharu can’t help but look down when Sara mentioned how Seeker’s do a lot of things for the team, how she does a lot for them. “No… I don’t…” Miharu uttered, her gaze still glued to the plate before her. “I don’t think I am doing a lot. If anything… It's the Beaters that are doing a lot. They keep you safe from the bludgers.” She said back to the older boy. “And as for me… I just do whatever I can for the team.”
If only she could say the same when Sara needed help during the incident back in Hogsmeade. “No… it’s okay.” She assured him that she was okay with him rambling and while it does make her uneasy, it was more because of another thing. “Kohana-senpai, why do you bother talking to someone like me?” She finally asked, her hand clenched to stop them from shaking. “I’m the one who hurt you…”❰▬▬▬❀▬▬▬❱Mentions »»» @ | @
Interactions »»» @Hanako Tone as Sara Kohana | @
English ❭❭❭ #007870 | Japanese ❭❭❭ #2a4b7a
Ency | PC Raizel Voltrouz
STA: 10| EVA: 15| STR: 0| WIS: 15| ARC: 0| ACC: 16
Eva. Maneuvers I | Eva. Maneuvers II | Keen Eye | 'Cat's Grace | TBA
Calm(?) After the Storm
All he knew was that food was a soft topic to start with. You couldn’t go too wrong with food. That is, unless the topic was so dry that Miharu didn’t have much to respond with except to agree with him. Perhaps he should’ve consulted Yami more about this. He was the better one at speaking and picking words that wouldn’t make anyone uncomfortable. Which was why he added mentions of quidditch. It was a shared hobby between them after all. A bond, maybe. And considering how closely they had worked together in the fields, Sara thought that a topic she seemed more comfortable in would help with the almost suffocating tension that lingered between them. He wanted to subtly remind her of her capabilities, and appreciation even. That even with what happened in Hogsmead, it didn’t affect the way Sara saw her before.
But when she looked at her plate, and talked down on her role as a seeker, his face faltered a little. “ Hm.. I’m.. not sure..of what.. It would take.. For you to consider yourself doing something valuable to the team. At least form my point of view.. And I’m certain the rest of the team.. They feel the same”, he said gently, his gaze moving to hers, as if searching for a sign of something. “ If… you never worked as much as you do now.. I don’t think even beaters would be able to save anyone.. . If the game dragged on longer than it did .. well.. I wouldn’t have.. Well.. at least for me.. I’m not..very .. good at taking hits… “ he let out a soft sigh, as if remembering a fond memory. “ Do you.. Remember our last official match? I’m pretty sure.. I was very close to passing out during the game. Everything hurt..but you were there, still focused on the game and what you could do. And me- well.. Everyone appreciated that.. I.. dont think I ever had the chance to say thank you..” he mumbles the last part absentmindedly. Too many things were happening right after their match ended.
At her last question, Sara blinked, needing to take a few seconds to respond. And hold back from showing the biggest frown and risk having miharu misunderstand even further. “ Hey..” he turned himself to face her better, completely forgetting about his own food at this point. “ What.. do you mean by someone ‘like you’? I.. I know you didn’t do it on purpose Goto San..” .
@Raizel Voltrouz's INPC @Miharu Goto
Calm(?) After the Storm
The last match, of course she could remember that. It was fresh in her mind like it happened yesterday. Before that, they lost. She couldn’t catch the snitch and she got knocked out of her broom. Her mother didn’t waste any time bringing it up almost every day. She had gotten sick of it but what else could she do but endure it. She couldn’t break free. So when they finally did, she felt relieved more than the joy of victory. She did everything she could that time though but mostly for her own selfish reason of being able to stay in the team and to convince her mother that she could keep up with it. “Doing what I can is the only thing I could offer but thank you… for thinking that way.” She should’ve said more but she wasn’t sure what else she could say and there were other things in her mind.
Much like that match, the incident in Hogsmeade was just as fresh. It should be the same for Sara as well, especially the thing that she had done to him. Despite being an accident, it was still something that she did. Why was he still so kind to her despite knowing the pain that he had to suffer because of her? “On purpose or not, it was still something that I did, something that I could’ve done better.” Not once did she lift her gaze from the plate as she spoke. “And it doesn’t change the fact that I did hurt you. I’m sorry… Kohana-senpai…” It was an apology that’s been overdue, something that she should’ve said once they were all alright instead of hiding away. But she just couldn’t. Difficult to do so. She could barely face him. A part of her is already screaming for her to start running but that would be rude now, wouldn’t it?❰▬▬▬❀▬▬▬❱Mentions »»» @ | @
Interactions »»» @Hanako Tone as Sara Kohana | @
English ❭❭❭ #007870 | Japanese ❭❭❭ #2a4b7a
Ency | PC Raizel Voltrouz
STA: 10| EVA: 15| STR: 0| WIS: 15| ARC: 0| ACC: 16
Eva. Maneuvers I | Eva. Maneuvers II | Keen Eye | 'Cat's Grace | TBA
Calm(?) After the Storm
After her mention of quidditch, Sara only paid attention silently. Feeling in the end there was nothing more to say. Though he had some feeling that felt like a scripted response. Like something to reply to others just so they don’t try to convince him something he didn’t believe in. Agreeing just enough so the conversation ends. Sara wasn’t sure. He could be wrong, but perhaps that was a conversation for another day.
“ Goto san.. “ he whispered after a short moment of contemplation. “Do you .. believe me if I said .. I didn’t come here to get an apology?“. Sara couldn’t see her face. He wouldn’t dare to force her to look at him. She was doing so much just staying here and still talking to him. But not seeing her face also meant Sara could pay extra attention to her tone. “ ..Something you could’ve done better..”, he mumbled more to himself than to her. His frown deepened. Thinking.
So many things to say.. To ask all sorts of things. To do something so she could allow him to see her face. But what good would that do? Sara felt himself completely forgetting they were in the grand hall. His thoughts directed completely to Miharu. Her earlier words repeating themselves in his head.
He tried to keep his tone steady. Soft still, despite the gruffness in his tone. Like a gentle curiosity, even if his heart braced for what she might say.“ … Do you… think it makes a lot of sense for me to dislike - no .. maybe even.. Hate you? For what happened?”
“ What… do you think you should’ve done..? Can you help me..understand that?”
@Raizel Voltrouz's INPC @Miharu Goto
Calm(?) After the Storm
Why wouldn't he be here for an apology?
“Then why?” She asked, closing her eyes before finally managing to gather enough courage to turn her head, to look at the senior next to her and make eye contact, the first ever perhaps ever since they had started talking. She genuinely wanted to know the reason why he’s here for she couldn't believe that it's only because he wanted to sit here with her. Sure, if the incident back in Hogsmeade didn't happen, she would believe it. Out of all the people that she knows, Sara was the one that she could relate to the most. Despite how scary he was, she was starting to see a deeper part of him beyond the unfriendly gaze and scary demeanor. “If you are not here for an apology, then why? I don't understand.” Does he still want to be friends with her? “If someone hurts you, bad, wouldn't hating them be the logical response? Or at least… be disappointed in them?” His actions don't make any sense. Even her parents would be disappointed if she did something that doesn't meet their expectation, ‘hurt’ them.
“What I could've done… I could've been more focused. Then maybe, the spell would've worked… no, even better… I shouldn't have done anything.” If only she didn't went ahead and casted a spell, if only she had let the older people handle things. Instead, she thought that her experiences were enough for her to cast the spell, and have enough confidence that it won't hurt anyone. “Look at what happened instead. That all could've been prevented…” she paused. All could’ve been prevented…
If I didn't do anything…❰▬▬▬❀▬▬▬❱Mentions »»» @ | @
Interactions »»» @Hanako Tone as Sara Kohana | @
English ❭❭❭ #007870 | Japanese ❭❭❭ #2a4b7a
Ency | PC Raizel Voltrouz
STA: 10| EVA: 15| STR: 0| WIS: 15| ARC: 0| ACC: 16
Eva. Maneuvers I | Eva. Maneuvers II | Keen Eye | 'Cat's Grace | TBA
Calm(?) After the Storm
Ty ty Jack Burnett for the gorgeous art com
His features softened, as if Miharu's evident confusion harmed him. Yet he was determined not to look away, as if her gaze on him was something he know wouldn't last. " ...Because Miharu-san.. when someone I care about avoids not just me.. but everyone else.. and turns around to leave the room when I enter, I.. I worry. I'm ... scared if I'd done something wrong to make you hate me..or you realise something about me that makes you afraid..and.. and usually.. I would understand.. I wouldn't want to bother you ... I wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable and leave you alone but now ..."
Sara was not a guy with a lot of words to say, but once he started, it seemed like it was pouring bit by bit. Hints of pain etched in his features with each admittance, as if speaking from prior experience. But otherwise, he looked...calm. As if retelling a bad dream to someone willing to listen. " I.. learned.. and feel that I would regret it more if I didn't hear your reasoning yourself."
Sara listened quietly to her next words. " Hate..." he mumbled, thinking deeply. " .. Miharu.. do you .. deserve to be hated .. for what you did?" the question came out in a somber whisper, as if Sara dreaded hearing the answer itself, but wanted to hear it anyway.
"... Miharu san... can you.. tell me what you remember.. happening during.. that day? Maybe.. maybe start from the beginning". he stopped himself at first, noting the unintentional panic that rushed his words. Calm down. The least he could do was control himself so she didn't have to misunderstand his tone. Yet he underestimated how difficult this was.
He let out a sigh, unable to look away from Miharu if her gaze was on him still. His features its usual furrow of eyebrows and sharp glares. Under the intimidating gaze was, to put it simply - worry.
" From what I remember.. the town was attacked. By people that.. choose bad choices. They choose to .. intentionally hurt people.. including me. From my memories.. more people than I expected that despite how.. terrifying and dangerous is it to be in my area.. stayed and helped. Do you.. remember what you saw.. around the others at the time? Akira kun..Yami.. our teacher.. what did they do? What do you remember?" he tried to ask gently.
@Miharu Goto
Calm(?) After the Storm
To be hated, yes, in a way, she wanted to be hated by him even though she knew how much that would hurt but it was the only way she could feel at peace or so she thinks. In her eyes, what she did was unforgivable and the natural reaction to it would be hate and disappointment, not forgiveness. After all, she made a mistake and mistakes were a big no in her family. “Isn’t that how it’s supposed to be?” She wondered before visibly flinching upon being asked what happened that day.
She could. She wished she could forget but she couldn’t. Days had passed and it was still fresh in her mind as if it was happening once more. The smoke, the fire, the corpses and the screams. “I…” No, she can’t do it but she must. “They were there to help…” They did everything to help Sara when he was trapped under the ruined carriage. “They tried, I tried to-” She cut herself off, the memory of Sara’s scream echoing loudly in her mind. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry Kohana-senpai…” In the end, she couldn’t tell him. “I can’t say it… not here anyway.” She doesn’t know if she could contain her own emotions and she wouldn’t want to make a commotion in a public space. Miharu stood up, looking at Sara with an apologetic look on her face. “Perhaps in another time… I could tell you what happened if no one else does within the following days. I’ll see you again later.” And with that, she had excused herself.
It felt wrong… but what else could she do…❰▬▬▬❀▬▬▬❱Mentions »»» @ | @
Interactions »»» @Sara Kohana | @
English ❭❭❭ #007870 | Japanese ❭❭❭ #2a4b7a
Leaving the thread, thanks for the RP!
Ency | PC Raizel Voltrouz
STA: 10| EVA: 15| STR: 0| WIS: 15| ARC: 0| ACC: 16
Eva. Maneuvers I | Eva. Maneuvers II | Keen Eye | 'Cat's Grace | TBA