Fluttering Farewells Solo with INPC Finished

Interacting as approved inpc Nikolai Volkov

Date: April 14th 2024

Despite not being in the mountains Nikolai was quite taken back by the elegance of the Scottish highland sunrise. The way the red sun burned bright painting the sky with soft hues of pink, yellow and orange paired stunningly with the ancient majestic castle. The schools reputation was legendary but experiencing it in this light he understood the reasons for it to be such a beloved treasure. Contemplative and quiet he sat knees held up to his chest with soft blades of grass tickling at the exposed skin of his ankles. So many things Nik never believed to be possible were now happening and yet he couldn't help but ponder on those that still seemed hopeless.

As the sun continues to rise and swam in the ripples of the lake and mountain streams he lost himself to thoughts of home and wondered if his brothers had sat in this very same spot before him. Wondered if he would ever see them again now that he was discarded. His mind trailing along like the current of the river brought him to the events of last night, the knowing smile of Valentin as he met that sweet boy Matthew. It has been a most enlightening introduction and a reassurance to himself mostly that his modern views on blood we're not unfounded. Yet his heart stung a little at the stories end. Matthew went on, spurred by himself, to find the girl and the world continued moving in it's intended way.

Other than the works of Oscar Wilde he has rarely seen a piece of literature ever address the kind of stories his life might take shape in. Even then his beloved author rarely ever ended such imaginings in celebration most doomed to tragedy. It had been foolish to think that something may have been there, a spark of sorts, foolish like his crush for his room mate. A delusion in his mind that existed their for a reason, a fantasy that could never exist. Nikolai didn't even particularly care if it happened to him but he found himself wondering if that kind of love existed openly somewhere, if there were stories of boys in love that never even had to categorise it as it was just normal. Nikolai felt anything other than normal.

The only people in his life to know his truth other than Val had turned him away. Struck him from the tapestry of their lives and left him to fend for himself in a world he was entirely unprepared for. Of course he never expected anything less, that had been the very reason he had told no one of his feelings. At some point minutes had turned to hours and the sun now rose above the moors of the Highlands settling in the sky as it painted his face in a warm glow, warring against the cold within. It occurred to him that he may have remained stuck in that spot rooted to the ground all day when the subtle crush of grass drew his attention to the side where a boy basked in the radiant light was walking towards him.

A small gasp releasing as his eyes adjusted to the light and he found the smiling face of Matthew bounding towards him.

Date: April 14th 2024

Upon his approach the stone that encrusted Nikolai rendering him a marble statue of lifelessness seemed to shatter in a soft smile. It was not as bright as the one Matthew wore but he knew it was not as easily formed and progress as little as it may be was still a start. With a gentle wave he reached the boy and looking out at the work of art that was Hogwarts grounds he asked the boy softly, "Hey Nik I'm glad I caught you before you left. Do you mind if I sit?" Taking the Russian boys gesture towards the ground as an invitation he plopped down next to him nudging the other when he got down. "I was hoping to thank you for last night but, well my dads wouldn't be happy for me prying but I only wondered now if you were ok. You seemed a bit lost in your thoughts?"

"Dad's?" Was the only response as Nikolai's face flushed in a kind of panic that Matthew wasn't sure what to do with. It wasn't the typical reaction of the homophobic nature or the overtly warm gesture of the too understanding. It was more like a bomb had dropped and he didn't know what to make of the devastation. Matthew chided himself on letting it slip, usually he was more careful but well he supposed he wanted Nikolai to be a friend he may see again. If he was against his father's then he was against him and as helpful as he had been they would not be maintaining a friendship. It was a stance Matthew had lived by for years and he was entirely inflexible in it. "Yeah dad's I have two is that a problem?"

Extremely confused Matthew watched as the boy blubbered out a rambling of "Nononono" before complete bewilderment took hold as the boy shoved his head into his hands and made a groaning sound of exasperation and perhaps something akin to guilt. "Nik seriously are you alright?" With his adamant albeit rambling defence Matthew decided to believe him and so his tone was laid with comfort and compassion truly feeling sympathetic for whatever the boy had badgering his mind. The voice that returned to him was so small, so delicate he had to strain to hear it, "Matt can I, can I tell you something?" His words seemed so precious like they were a fraction away from shattering and Matthew had all the power to break them.

Realising that whatever was happening was important he leant his body against the boys shoulder and focusing his eyes of the horizon to not add unnecessary pressure he said, "Nikolai anything you have to tell me I'm here for you." There was so much more he could've said but something told the boy that this was a time to listen not to speak, that his council was needed as an ear. Then the words came crashing down like the weight of the world has been informed upon them for generations, like the boys lips had been sewn shut his entire life and these were the very first words he got to speak. The moment was monumental and Matthew having the blessing of his upbringing was touched to be a part of it.

"Matthew I'm gay."

Interacting as approved inpc Nikolai Volkov

Date: April 14th 2024

The moment he had said it he had flinches too frightened to look into the face of the boy beside him. Matthew had been grateful enough to be there physically but not in an overbearing way drifting his vision to the Highlands so that he may have his time. There was a comfort to him, a calming sensation that coursed it's way through his very fibres when their shoulders touched. Heart betraying him it couldn't help but flutter as butterflies poked around in his stomach in a most egregious manner. None of it mattered though, for when the words were spoken he still feared rejection. Two dads or not Matthew might think he was coming on to him, or that it has been his aim last night. He might see Nik as predatory as the wolf pack he was born from.

After a moment of silence passes between them Nikolai finally managed to drag his eyeline back to the curly haired Scot and tepidly opening his eyelids little by little he was met with the most bright, accepting smile he had ever seen. In every one of his fantasies about this kind of moment he had never been able to conjure such a face but now it sat before him and before he could even react he felt arms flung around him completely knocking him off balance and flinging them into a roll slightly down the hill. When the feral boy finally managed to stop them for tumbling he was all laughter and warmth. The moment was nothing he ever could have dreamed of but the words touched something even deeper in his heart, "You know Nik I think I like you even more now."

Matthew hadn't commented on his bravery or made a big deal out of any part of it, he didn't bask him in celebrations and demand they throw a party his words were so simply yet the impact stupendous. This was just another part of who Nikolai was, it didn't change him intrinsically or negate all of the other parts of himself, it was an accentuation, it made him more special and Matthew could see that. The boys both had a happy wet quality to their eyes that spoke words neither of them needed to vocalise. It stole the spotlight from the beauty of the surrounding by showing the beauty of the human soul. Matthew had given him a gift he didn't know he needed and a hope that in the future others might see Nikolai with the shine that reflected him in Matt's brown eyes.

Now sprawled out in the grass together the other boy brushed his mess of curls from his face, a feature Nikolai couldn't help but love. There was a glorious dishevelled quality to him that was so unlike the people he was forced to spend time with. Matthew so clearly lived in his own world and set the rules he wished to follow ignoring whatever people thought of him and Nik admired it. Even if there was a twang of jealousy Nik saw who he could choose to be staring back at him, he saw a potential life he may have lived has he been born in the muggleborns shoes. Before Nik could truly think he heard himself asking the question out loud, "So are you dad's gay then? How does that- I mean like how did you? Sorry that's a weird question isn't it."

Matt's barking laughter filled the space echoing down the hillside in a howling fit as he clutched at his chest before responding swallowing his giggles between words, "Yeah Nik well kind of, my bio dad Patrick is Bi but Sean his husband's gay. They got married just before I came here."- there was a slight pause before the mad boy continued where a sombre kind of sorrow struck his features but Nikolai could tell he was trying to remain positive for his sake. "I eh my mum Holly and Patrick were married before I was born but she died, actually if we're both telling things that were afraid of. She died giving birth to me. I guess that's my struggle but I'm learning to understand it as I go. You'll do that too, not that it's the same but everything's a process." The apology feel off of Nikolai's tongue instantly as he reached out a hand towards Matt's shoulder receiving an appreciative smile in return. Just as before the boys didn't need to share words for understanding to pass.

In the lush fields of the Highlands moors they were just two boys sharing parts of themselves with each other that had long since stayed secrets. They shared in the difficulties and rejoiced in the triumphs without judgement or shame and it was miraculous.

Date: April 14th 2024

Cutting though the silence Matt found himself deep in thought. It had been relieving to tell someone and know that they wouldn't find judgement returned in their stare but now that the floodgate had opened he wondered what other truths lay dormant in his brain. Sizing up the handsome face across from him with that striking hair he pondered over his confession wondering what it felt like to know with such certainty his you felt when it came to love or crushes or whatever. Matthew had always had a bit of a struggle with it especially when they learned about the many different orientations in primary school.

Unable to hold back a chuckle as his mind drifted back to the day he came back from school with a worksheet and in a childish fit of annoyance stormed up to his dad's demanding why they hadn't told him they were gay. What at the time seemed like a bombshell of information now was looked back upon with ridicule for his naivety of course he knew that his dad's were gay even knew that there were many would treat them poorly for it he simply didn't know the word for it. A horrible memory flashing that he knew a far less savoury word for it shouted across a street before he knew the accurate one. The indignation on Patrick's face had been a picture when he had to explain that he was in fact bisexual or a small child would likely not be questioning him currently. The whole scene made him giggle furiously.

Nik looked over suspiciously clearly dying to know the joke but Matt simply said, "Sorry I was just thinking about a memory with my dad, do your parents know?" The question was instantly flagged with regret as the boy's face darkened his entire posture becoming more reduced and solid like before. "Actually they kicked me out for it, just before coming here actually." If Matt's tongue could shrivel up and fall out right about now he would not miss the thing, having no real notion of what to say he simply opted for, "I'm sorry, my dad doesn't speak to my grandpa anymore either, if there's anything I can ever do or my dad's please let me know." The offer was genuine and he knew his dad's would feel exactly the same but still it felt hollow in the present. What could you say to combat such ignorant cruelty?

With a simple thank you they let the conversation come to rest but Matthew's mind drifted back to the thought before the memory. His whole life he could never really say he felt differently about girls or boys they both were pretty or handsome and he found that what was inside always counted more. The boy couldn't definitely say with certainty that he was bi but he rather thought he'd end up with someone due to connection rather than gender. In the haze of the self questioning he hadn't even noticed that clearly he had spilt his thoughts out loud as the boy was staring at him in shock, the words only just reaching his ears now like an echo bounding off his skull. "You know I think I might be bi too."

Interacting as approved inpc Nikolai Volkov

Date: April 14th 2024

If Nikolai's heart could have jumped from his chest it would have. The boys face was such a perfect picture of confusion but it warmed under the safety of their mutual trust. Two kids figuring out the world without a set rulebook or knowing which ways were right or wrong. Nikolai could understand the confusion of those particular feelings more than most, after all his had muddled greatly after being betrothed to Viktoriya. His mind picked up on the wind thinking about how she was going to react to all this. His letter would certainly have reached her by now but what the girl would think or do was anyone's guess.

"I think it's ok to work it out as you go, as long as you don't hurt people along the way. It took me a while myself to realise why I felt the way I did." There was reassurance in the Russians voice and a depth of knowledge he could impart, maybe Matthew had heard it all before from his father's birthday but family could be hard enough to relate to and sometimes someone your own age made more sense. Matthew's smile grew devilish as he shone his teeth at the boy and replied, "Yeah I'm not worried and anyways your help worked last night, me and Viva kissed so I guess I'll have to see where it goes." A slight deflation followed the news and despite his notions that he should be ecstatic for the young man for he had very clearly assisted he couldn't bring himself to feel it.

The problem was that Nik had no real basis for love in any capacity. His brothers were the only true thing he had ever loved and it was natural, primal protectiveness. It was a fierce loyalty and unconditional devotion but it wasnt the kind of love that he was referring to. Nikolai wondered if he would ever get to experience the kind of soft moments of romantic love Matt was talking about. First kisses stolen under cherry blossom tree's in school, hands held walking down the corridors, love notes and a shared song. The kind of love that belonged in literature which was to say belonged to the people society deemed acceptable to find love. He was meant to have all that with his betrothed but they had only found comradery and friendship not that he realised why at the time.

The young Russian couldn't help as a small defeated sigh escaped his lips causing Matt to draw his brows in a funny but quizzical way clearly still showing hints of worry for the boys psyche, "Sorry, I'm happy for you truly. It's just I wonder if I'll ever get to experience any of that, I'm not exactly very well liked at Durmstrang and have made a fair share of enemies from my raising let alone now having to face his enemies and those loyal to him at the school. I doubt I'll ever get to experience those tender moments." The frown that broke out after was devastating, he became so small despite his taller frame to the Hogwart student and his body sagged under invisible weight.

Not one to allow prolonged suffering it took mere minutes for Matthew to re-join him in their original position sitting side by side in the grass with his shoulder leaning into Nikolai's side. This time the boy seemed to be in deep thought though, his eyes flashed with the most dazzling golden speckles as he calculated whatever devious notion was filling that wonderful, caring mind. It took a moment for him to finally speak and when he did he placed a careful hand on Nik's knee before talking coyly with a softness made for only the two of them, "Well Nikolai Volka I can't help you with the school stuff but in honour of you getting me my first kiss it would be my honour to provide you with yours, if you'll have me that is."

The idea was such a sweet gesture but also completely ridiculous I mean truly did Matthew think that he would accept the pity kiss. Only as he stared into the rich brown eyes dotted with flashes of gold he saw no pity staring back at him. There was a calming sense to being in the presencd of the boy and in his eyes it felt like he floated in a river of serenity. Maybe it wasn't so ridiculous and maybe the boy really meant it would be an honour. There was so much pressure for what firsts were meant to be and although It wasn't the way he expected perhaps a kiss with a foreign friend he had made at a party and seen more deeply than most was as good a story as any. Nikolai certainly wouldn't regret it and Matthews determination bore no sign of that fear either. Entirely mad without question but perhaps that was what romantic love felt like.

"Yeah, okay."

Date: April 14th 2024

If he was honest Matthew had offered the opportunity without really thinking it through, I mean he had only kissed one person before and it was literally last night. Night time made everything more mysterious and intimate but out here in the daylight they would be clear for everyone to see, no hidden shadows to cover them. Commanding to his own mind that it had nothing to do with embarrassment his derailing train of thought silenced when the young pale skin of the Russian twinged rosy with blush. This was an important moment of discovery for Matthew but for Nikolai it was something he likely had pictured a million times. And while this was almost certainly not the scenario he had envisioned that meant he had to make it special.

Quieting the monologue in his head had never been easy but out here with nothing but serenity and a backdrop of gorgeous scenery around them he let the voice quieten staring into the boys electric blue eyes that sparked with anticipation. As the two closed their eyes and moved forward soft lips met and they kissed in a charming way that meant far more to either of them than they could ever know. Twin hearts fluttering with the excitement and young twinkling feelings of romance and crushes that settled under their skin like a rush of current. The moment only lasted a few moments but when they parted ways and eyes reopened to find one another there was nothing but comfort and joy radiating in the space between.

Perhaps they weren't star crossed lovers fated against the heavens to conquer all and find each other no matter what. But in that moment they both held a kind of love for one another, a love that spoke true to the bond that they had just formed. For Matthew it was a brief glimpse of a clarity he would have to further develop but a decision that he was right in his beliefs about the soul of a person far outweighing the form. While for Nikolai a dream born into fruition that he had experienced for years coming true despite being deemed not only impossible but reprimandable. In that soothing comfort they found themselves falling back into position side by side in a blissful trance of understanding.

The boys first kiss was a memory each would cherish for a lifetime, each would hold dear for years to come and while they both would find other romantic interests they would never forget that day in the grass. When the wind blew through the blades and picked up their hair, floral scents picked upon it rushing their senses and imbuing them with nature's beauty. The way they held each other in that moment for just a second but how warm it felt to be in each others company. The list of tiny miraculous wonders born on that day was infinite and for a brief moment the two boys felt truly at peace with the world and with themselves.