8 Nov 2024, 00:47
Peace amidst turmoil
There was no passion or enjoyment for flying. What Hiroi-san pointed out was very true, now that Akira glanced back at his notebook. It was just a bunch of words that he had logically strung together after he carefully pored over the textbook and his lecture notes. It was written like an instruction manual.
Indeed, that was often how his mind operated: input and output, feelings pushed aside when he needed or could. The only thing that came out of him was rage that he couldn't snuff.
What would it be like to truly enjoy something, like the broom racers and quidditch players enjoyed flying? He liked dueling, he supposed, but mainly because he was good at it, it brought him the status he craved, and improved his spell casting for exams. Yet, there existed people who merely loved to fly for their own enjoyment, even if they weren't talented players. How did that happen? How could one enjoy the act of doing something if it didn't procure results? Akira couldn't quite comprehend it. Confusion and curiosity crossed his face as he contemplated this. "Hiroi-san, what do you love about flying? I don't think there are many in our class who might enjoy it more than you do. How did you know you loved it? And what do you want to achieve by liking flying?" Perhaps that last question would've sounded a little strange and disjointed to Hiroi-san, but that was just how Akira thought and operated. Everything he did must have a practical reason. Otherwise, why do it at all?
How strange that their conversation had arrived at such a juncture. He did not expect that a scuffle for a library book would lead to such a conversation, but he found his curiosity growing for the classmate that was so unlike him.
@Pax Zhang as Chiaki Hiroi
3 Jan 2025, 23:27
Peace amidst turmoil
Japanese ~ EnglishReducio
These thoughts pumped through her head as she stared, almost blankly, back at Akira, hoping that he wouldn't shout at her again. It wasn't impossible that he had grown since then - he had grown enough to even ask for help - but Chiaki had to remain cautious.
Finally, Akira's face showed a hint of an emotion - perhaps what Chiaki had to say had really gotten through to him. Maybe that interaction that day was a fluke - it had been a very long and intense day, and a lot had happened. Perhaps this was something she needed to let go, be the bigger person, and help him out.
"What do I love about flying? Well, so much. It's just... the freedom it offers. You can go almost anywhere on a broom. You feel... limitless, like you could do anything really. It was scary at first, but once you get used to it, I don't know how anyone couldn't love it.
It's not what you achieve from it. You don't achieve anything. It's for fun. ...You do know what fun is, right?"
She hoped Akira wouldn't take any offense from that, it was meant as a joke after all. But the more she thought about this guy, the more she had to consider it might be true. And, well, if it was, there had to be something she could do to change that. It must be a sad life to not understand what fun was.
PC: Pax Zhang || iNPC: Chiaki Hiroi
4 Jan 2025, 19:50
Peace amidst turmoil
Hiroi seemed to light up when she talked about flying, and all the apprehension that had previously filled her face suffused in what looked to Akira like an expression of wonder. Had he ever spoken about anything like this? He wasn't quite sure. For a moment, it seemed like Hiroi was in her own limitless world, and that was probably exactly how she felt when she flew.
It's not what you achieved from it? Akira narrowed his eyes a bit in thought as he concentrated on what the girl was saying. If you didn't achieve anything from it, could it really be that meaningful? "Well, then it's just a temporary feeling, isn't it?" he asked, trying to understand. "You only feel the limitless in the moment, but does it do anything for you afterwards? Does this resulting feeling impact other aspects of your life?" He asked this, philosophically, though it may have seemed like he was challenging her thoughts. In any study, you had to get to the root of your doubts to confirm anything for yourself, after all.
"You do know what fun is, right?" At this question, Akira stilled, a bit tensely, like a deer in headlights responding to an accusation, because, did he really know what it was like what Hiroi was describing? However, he did detect the -- what was it -- good-natured teasing? tone in her voice, and he decided to let that slide. Nevertheless, he did scoff and huff a bit. "Of course I know what it's like," he responded, as if saying it out loud would make it more clear and understandable to him. Now, how would he explain it? "It's that feeling you get when you're able to demonstrate excellence through your talent, sacrifice, and careful planning, above and beyond what others can achieve. Because they lacked the will that you have. And they cower at your discipline and level of achievement."* He said all this with a purely straight face, because he believed all of it. But, if one looked closely enough, they would detect the faintest bit of color in his complexion, because deep within him, he knew this was probably not the 'fun' Hiroi was referring to, and that -- perhaps -- he really didn't know what it was.
But he would never, ever, truly admit such a fault or lack of understanding. Outright, at least.
* credit to Hui-Ming (@Camilla Carter), who explained this so 'well'.
@Pax Zhang as Chiaki Hiroi
19 Jan 2025, 16:17
Peace amidst turmoil
Japanese ~ EnglishReducio
"If you view that happiness is temporary, then you must also have to see that pain and sadness must be temporary. It's a cycle of feeling bad, and then feeling happy again. The proportions between them might not be the same - you might feel more bad than good right now, but the bad will pass. We only know that the bad will pass because we know that there's happiness out there, that we've felt before. It may be a temporary feeling, but that good feeling keeps up going through the bad times. Otherwise, in the bad times, why do we try? Why do we keep pushing or working through it? To reach an end goal with no happiness? No, because we know that the happiness will be there.
If you need a physical comparison, that is like me and flying. This limitless feeling is reassuring for me, and I know that whenever I feel sad or upset, I can get on my broom and fly, and that will give me this sense of happiness. If I didn't have something that made me happy, then I would just feel hopeless in the sad times."
Chiaki knew that life wasn't as simple as this. Life couldn't be separated simply by the concepts of happiness and sadness. But maybe for Akira, it could be. At least, in this example, it might help him grasp the concepts he had been struggling to comprehend.
"Hah!" Chiaki couldn't help but let out a slight laugh, before clapping her hand over her mouth. Whilst she was finally feeling more at ease with Akira's presence, she wasn't convinced he'd turn on her if she disagreed with what he had to say.
And it wasn't as if he was wrong, necessarily. That may have been what 'fun' meant to him. But to Chiaki, that was definitely not how she saw things. What Akira had described was... some sadder version of fun that contained far too many conditions for something that ought to be so carefree and simple.
"That may be your version of fun," Chiaki justified quickly, hoping to cover up the slight laugh that had escaped her. "But that sounds more like victory to me. Or perhaps success. And whilst they are definitely enjoyable experiences, that... isn't fun. Not really. Fun is simple, fun is light-hearted. You don't need talent, or sacrifice, or discipline to have fun, Shimizu-san. I'm sorry if you haven't been able to experience fun before."
With a genuine smile, she stood, gathering the books she had originally been collecting, hatching an idea. "Since the weather is good, would you like to join me outside, Shimizu-san? We can continue this conversation, if you so wish, or perhaps I can convince you to try something that I consider fun? It cannot hurt you to expand your perspective, can it?"
There was no way of knowing what Akira would respond with, but Chiaki was hopeful that what she had said had managed to make an impact on Akira, and, in the process, helped her to gain a new friend. If not that, then at least a better standing with her peer.
PC: Pax Zhang || iNPC: Chiaki Hiroi
20 Jan 2025, 00:53
Peace amidst turmoil
Everything is temporary (物の哀れ). It was a Japanese saying that he was familiar with, but he didn't realize how it could be applied to their conversation until Hiroi explained patiently. The fact that it was temporary meant that things like pain and sadness could be temporary, too, if happiness was such. This was not really stressed during his own education: wasn't he expected to take charge of his life, hold the reins, and make sure that happiness was more permanent than sadness, rather than a cycle?
In truth, how to handle unhappiness was quite omitted from his upbringing, simply because he could only be built for success. Perhaps that's what he had been lacking up till now: a full understanding of what it meant to be happy and unhappy. Little by little, he was beginning to see what Hiroi meant.
Hiroi clamped a hand over her mouth in response to Akira's answer, and Akira refocused his attention on her. Why, did his response disagree with her own by that much? However, she did not disparage his response. Akira wondered if it was even in her nature to ever do so to someone.
"Victory..." he repeated, turning the word over in his mind. "Is that not the same thing as fun, and happiness? Life without sufficient success would just be meaningless, futile. I don't see how it could even be any fun at all," he frowned a little, confused. Though... Hiroi did have a bit of a point -- if a person's definition of fun depended so much on external conditions, wouldn't it just be more of a burden, such that it was no longer fun?
"Since the weather is good, would you like to join me outside, Shimizu-san? We can continue this conversation, if you so wish, or perhaps I can convince you to try something that I consider fun? It cannot hurt you to expand your perspective, can it?" Join Hiroi outside... He looked to his stack of notebooks, which he had barely opened since coming into the library. His papers unwritten, his problem sets undone. The textbooks that seemed to judge him for neglecting them.
He placed one book into his bag, drowning its complaints in his mind.
"Lead on, Hiroi-san. Let's see what the good weather has to offer today," he finally assented.
Akira exits the thread. Thread finished.
@Pax Zhang as Chiaki Hiroi