It's just a prank bro PV Cassius Eden Closed

Late December 2024
Cardiff, Wales

As a rather proud Englishman, any trip to Wales was a reminder of why not to go to Wales. Besides the silly language which took using the letter 'Y' as a vowel too seriously and an excess of people named Jones, it just did not feel like home despite sharing an isle with his native England. The rain and cold typically did not bother him. Yorkshire had similar weather especially this time of year and he was dressed appropriately for it with a long greatcoat and earmuffs. What bothered him is that he was wet and cold in Cardiff.

All was not misery though. While he was in the city on family business with his mother, Cassius was able to find some time to meet up with a friend. One Finnegan Connor who the Ravenclaw had met during the most recent summer break. Of the topics they discussed, one in particular still stymied the cloistered pureblood. Streaming.

While Cassius did not dedicate an extensive amount of time to studying the topic, he did do some research that he hoped would impress the young Finnegan. After all, he needed to prove to the boy he was not a complete luddite when it came to muggle technology and society. That was easier said than done.

Navigating the streets of Cardiff was more difficult than it should have been due to his reliance on a map that was a decade old. He was normally quite good at directions but enough had changed that he was entirely reliant on landmark navigation. Thankfully, Finnegan had provided exactly that and it did not take long to find the boy staring into an electronic device in a sports stadium.

"Ah, Finnegan. There you are." Cassius called from a far as he approached the youth. A wide smile on his face, he offered a wave in greetings. "I hope you have been well. It has been some time." He reciprocated the fist bump and spared a glance at the smartphone in Finn's hand. "You are streaming? I thought streaming required a mouse and computer."

This was off to a great start.

With the smartphone screen now in his face, Cassius adjusted his facial features awkwardly as if expecting something weird to occur. If Finn took a photo of Cassius at that moment he would likely have looked like a technologically inept middle-aged dad attempting to upload a Facebook profile photo selfie for the first time. "Uh, hello there!" Cassius said with some degree of confusion as he watched the chat scroll react to his appearance. "You are all very small to be living in this tiny window. Am I speaking too loudly for you? I do not wish to hurt your little ears." He turned to Finn again, fascinated. "How did you convince them to live in your hand window?"

Cassius allowed Finnegan to lead them wherever it was they were going next. Conscious of being in the presence of muggles, he chose his wording carefully. "If we intend to go shopping I must admit I did not bring any appropriate currency." He admitted, jingling a coin purse in his coat pocket that most certainly did not contain pound sterling. "Oh! I have been studying streaming. Here, look."

From within an inner pocket of the expansive greatcoat, Cassius withdrew a medium sized book and held it out for Finnegan to take. "I found it in a local shop near home. It does not mention RGB though. Is that important?"

Despite the book being 40 years old, the look clearly visible on Cassius' face made it clear he was quite proud of himself.

@Finnegan Connor

Finnegan bit down hard on the inside of his cheeks to keep himself from bursting into laughter. Cassius was a picture of perfect poise, his elegant greatcoat standing in sharp contrast to Finnegan's utilitarian kit.

"Ah, Finnegan. There you are."

"Hiya," Finnegan chirped, perfectly innocent.

"You are streaming? I thought streaming required a mouse and computer"

Finnegan shot a telling grin at the camera, but did not yet dangle his bait in front of poor Cassius. "You can also stream from a phone, look it's got a camera and everything," he quipped with ease. "Chat, don't make fun of him OK, he's my butty¹"

Eager to get going, Finnegan led Cassius back out through a maze of corridors and revolving doors, waving cheerily at one of the janitors who was closing up as they passed. He seemed at home here, more so than anywhere else.

Meanwhile, Cassius wasted no time to prove to chat that he was clueless as Finnegan had claimed.
"Uh, hello there! You are all very small to be living in this tiny window. Am I speaking too loudly for you? I do not wish to hurt your little ears. How did you convince them to live in your hand window?"

Finn bit the inside of his cheek, desperately trying to hold back a laugh. Maybe he would have shown less restraint if Cassius' remark hadn't been so thoughtful and endearing, showing great concern for the tiny people living in his hand. "They're not in there, Cas, they're at home, or watching on the toilet most likely." He offered no further explanation, that would come later, after he'd had his fun.

The chat was going mental, but it had seen nothing yet.

@its.just.liam: bruh
@xoxo_livv: who is this guy
@jaywalks_everywhere: big confused energy

"What's this?" Finnegan slowed his breezy walking pace somewhat to examine the book before snorting and doubling over. He very nearly dropped his phone to the floor. "Bro. Bro." Thank goodness Bex had once told him about box breathing or he might never have recovered. Finn's hand trembled slightly as he held the book up to the camera, tears of suppressed laughter forming in the corners of his eyes. "Look at this, chat," he managed, voice cracking.

@its.just.liam: bruh what IS that
@xoxo_livv: is that a BOOK about computers???
@jaywalks_everywhere: prehistoric tech

"Which museum did you nick this from?" Was that too mean? He remembered well how terrifying and overwhelming entering Hogwarts had been and while his introduction to magic hadn't been an entirely smooth ride, but no one had laughed him out of the room. He reigned it in a bit and flashed an apologetic smile toward Cassius. "It's a bit dated, is what I'm saying. This is from like..." He flipped the book around to examine the back. "1987? Even you weren't born yet, no wonder it says nothing about RGB—yeah that's important."

Soon enough they'd made it out onto the streets and Finnegan was urging Cassius on, insisting they'd have more time to game if they got their nighttime shopping done quickly.

@its.just.liam: where u goin?
@xoxo_livv: this is crazy
@jaywalks_everywhere: incoming chaos

"If we intend to go shopping I must admit I did not bring any appropriate currency."
It was just too perfect and Finnegan was loving every second of his ill-conceived plan coming together. Perhaps if it had been a little less dark out, Cassius would have seen the telltale glint in his eye.

"Oh don't worry Cas," Finnegan said cheerily. He flung a skinny arm over the boy's shoulder but didn't keep it there for long or he would've had to walk on his toes the rest of the way. "I've got a plan. See, it works a bit different down here than what you're used to, you can just grab what you need and head out, it's true, it is."

@riley4realz: uh oh
@zoomerdoomertbh: WHAT PLAN
@xoxo_livv: finn NO

A large Tesco loomed ahead and Finn pulled Cassius along by the arm for a bit, ensuring he wouldn't get dazzled by the automatic sliding doors.

@its.just.liam: this is gonna be wild
@xoxo_livv: someone stop him
@jaywalks_everywhere: incoming CHAOS

Inside, the fluorescent lights were almost blinding. Rows of shelves stretched out as far as the eye could see, and Finnegan knew exactly where to take the teen. "So Cas," he said, turning slightly to ensure the camera caught both of them, "we'll need some crisps, some drinks and some smokes or we can't stream." Why any of those things were a prerequisite was conveniently left unexplained. "Here," he said, then grabbed a random bottle out of the wine rack and deposited it in Cassius's arms. "Hang on to that please, it's important for our stream." Soon they'd have grabbed all they need and then the real fun would begin: Escape from Tarkov Tesco.

Late December 2024
Cardiff, Wales

As the streaming chat scroll continued, Cassius just tilted his head at Finn. Much of this was confusing. Terribly so. All the more challenging was trying to make sense of it while being led through the unfamiliar city.

"Wait... They are on the loo?! Good Lord..." He commented as he followed the young Gryffindor lad. Such impropriety. Muggles...

"It's a bit dated, is what I'm saying. This is from like... 1987? Even you weren't born yet, no wonder it says nothing about RGB—yeah that's important."

"1985, actually." Cassius said with a confused look, correcting the boy and confirming the true date of publication. "Is that a problem? It is perhaps one of the most contemporary books in my collection." Compared to the age of their textbooks and other volumes in the Hogwarts library -- and his home library -- a 1985 publication might as well have been on the 'new releases' shelf. "So does the RGB get added with a floppy disk then?" Again, the boy looked proud he could name a piece of computer equipment.

They continued through the dark streets until they arrived at the entrance to a brightly lit supermarket with giant red letters spelling out TESCO on the front facade. Even from the street Cassius was awed by how bright it was. Why did anything need to be so bright? And large? Tesco was a true testament to man's hubris rivaling the Tower of Babel.

"I've got a plan. See, it works a bit different down here than what you're used to, you can just grab what you need and head out, it's true, it is."

You can do WHAT?

Distracted by the automatic sliding doors, Cassius almost missed what the young lad had said regarding payment. What kind of store allowed someone to just take what they wanted and leave?

Something clicked in Cassius' mind and he simply nodded to Finn expression now more subdued. There was one kind of store that perhaps did not require payment: a soup kitchen. If Finn was facing financial difficulties then Cassius certainly did not want to bring that to the attention of his livestream 'fans'. After all, the boy seemed so happy. To embarrass him would just be cruel.

After a consoling pat on the shoulder, Cassius stepped further into the supermarket with Finn. He of course had no clue where anything was and was entirely reliant on Finn and the ceiling signs to guide him towards the right department for each item. A short time later his arms were laden with the bottle of wine as well as an assortment of other items including smokes, crisps, and a bottle of orange Fanta.

"Right. That should be everything." Cassius said now near the entrance to the store. "You can tell the little people we are leaving now." Then, with all the confidence of someone innocently going about their business, Cassius stepped through the sliding doors of Tesco.

@Finnegan Connor

"You can tell the little people we are leaving now."

"Got it boss. Well, chat, you heard the man! Finnegan's heart hammered in his chest as he followed after Cassius walking toward the exit. It was late, the cashiers were tired, there were no guards to give chase, no passersby who noticed anything suspicious. This is actually happening! He was making Cassius, a prefect no less, steal. He hurried after his friend, trying to keep his movements casual to avoid arousing suspicion while he brought the camera close to his face.

"Chat, what a mad lad, I can't believe he's actually, yup... he's just walked out like a boss!" he whispered in low, fast Welsh, ensuring that even if Cassius heard him talk, the older boy would not be able to understand what he was saying.

@its.just.liam: BRO IS THIS FR???
@xoxo_livv: omg omg omg
@nutrinja: that other guy looks posh af
@jaywalks_everywhere: NO WAY
@vibezwithkai_: finn what are you DOING
@riley4realz: this is actually mental
@taxthepoorpoggers: why's his friend dressed like its 1890
@notabot.exe: someone screen record this
@secegullsa: bro thinks he's in ocean's eleven
@jakethedog99: does he not see the cameras??
@taxthepoorpoggers: maybe the friend is a time traveller..
@pixelperfect: incoming security in 3...2...1...
@ur.mom.says.hi: this can't be real
@copium.dealer: why does tall guy call us little?
@lifestyletv: older guy giving NPC energy
@memequeen2010: literally screaming rn
@dontbanmeplz: Finn's villain arc starts now
@lifestyletv: actual brainrot

The automatic doors whooshed open and Cassius strode through them like he owned the place. Finnegan's stomach did a backflip. He'd done this before, sure, but never with someone else, never quite so brazen not even attempting to hide anything under a baggy hoodie. Meanwhile, the stream counter ticked up rapidly.

"Right then," Finnegan grinned at the camera, "time to leg it. Watch this." He looked over the camera, suggesting to the viewer that Cassius was somewhere up ahead from him. "Hey Cas! Race you to my house?" It wasn't really a question, because he was already taking off and Cassius would just have to follow. At least he had the decency to snag the bottle of wine and the crisps from Cassius's overflowing hands when he bolted past.

He knew exactly where they needed to go. Past the bottle bank, through the delivery area where the big lorries backed up, then down the alley behind the Chinese takeaway.

@its.just.liam: SECURITY????????
@xoxo_livv: OMG RUN
@jaywalks_everywhere: actual madlad
@vibezwithkai_: delete this after finn
@_chloewastaken: someone clip this
@pogchampion: new fear unlocked
@streamqueen.xo: guys i cant watch
@cringe.master: easiest security cam footage ever
@notalawyer: this is literally evidence
@xoxo_livv: WERE NOT LItLE PPL OMGG
@touch.grass.pls: bro thinks he's thomas shelby
@xoxo_livv: calling the police rn
@jakethedog99: character development
@terminally.wholesome: is his friend stupid or??
@taxthepoorpoggers: bro got the private school kid to help steal
@nutrinja: how old is that other guy even
@notyourbestie: finn becoming his own opps
@chronically.based: most sane welsh person
@clipped.and.shipped: this is going viral fr fr
@main.character.energy: his friend thinks this is legal im dying

The night air bit at his face, but his whole body felt hot with adrenaline. "Cas!" Finnegan called over his shoulder. "This way, quick now!" He motioned toward the back of the building, past giant metal bins that reeked of rotting vegetables. His trainers splashed through puddles, sending dirty water up his ankles.

The viewer count was still climbing even though Finnegan's hands were shaking so much he could barely hold his phone steady. He hadn't expected this many people to watch. This was great! He was going to be a viral sensation!

A car door slammed somewhere nearby and Finnegan nearly jumped out of his skin. "C'mon!" he urged, leading Cassius through a gap between two buildings. The wine bottle clinked against against the slider on his zip-up sports jacket.

@terminally.wholesome: someone tell his friend this isn't legal
@taxthepoorpoggers: posh boy's first crime caught in 4k
@its.just.liam: istg if you get caught
@xoxo_livv: this is giving me anxiety
@jaywalks_everywhere: actual heist footage
@vibezwithkai_: finn your mam's gonna kill you
@riley4realz: someone's calling security rn i bet
@cringe.master: bro really said crime time
@taxthepoorpoggers: his friend really fell for that
@notalawyer: delete before police see
@chronically.based: most normal day in wales
@gamergirl.uwu: this is why mom doesn't love you
@jakethedog99y: your speedrunning jail
@notyourbestie: someone send this to drama alert
@chronically.based: new tiktok trend incoming
@clipped.and.shipped: gonna tell my kids about this
@romeoromeo: location??
@real.fakerzaccount: his friend is actually clueless
@terminally.online: someone save the vod
@xoxo_livv: calling 999
@lipped.and.shipped: I CANT BREATHE

They ran for another minute until he slowed. "Almost there," Finnegan panted, ducking under some low-hanging branches. The ground was slick with mud and dead leaves. "Watch your step, it's wet."

Under the bridge, Finnegan's quick, panting breathing echoed off the concrete, while cars could be heard moving overhead. His legs felt wobbly now that they'd stopped running. He slumped against the wall, sliding down until he was sitting on his haunches.

"Here Cas," he managed between breaths, "hold this for a minute." He handed over his phone, making sure the camera was still rolling. The chat was absolutely mental now, messages flying past faster than he could read them.

He put the bottle of wine between his legs and, with some effort, unscrewed the cap. A sharp pop echoed under the bridge, and the sour smell of cheap wine filled the air. "Press the little button with the circular arrows," he instructed Cassius to flip the camera. "Just tap it with your finger."

Though he couldn't be sure Cassius had succeeded, he pressed on anyway, before the teen could begin to grasp what had just happened. "Right then chat," he said, trying to sound braver than he felt, "bottoms up."

@terminally.wholesome: SOMEONE TELL THE TALL KID
@taxthepoorpoggers: rich boy about to lose his trust fund
@its.just.liam: NO WAY
@xoxo_livv: THIS IS SO STUPID
@jaywalks_everywhere: legend status achieved
@vibezwithkai_: nothing us little people could do about this
@riley4realz: bro that's literally theft
@pogchampion: NAH THIS AINT REAL
@streamqueen.xo: ISHE ACTUALLY DRINKING IT???
@copium.dealer: posh boy's getting disowned tonight
@core.memory.unlocked: his friend still doesn't know
@cringe.master: most responsible 13yo
@notalawyer: this stream is going to court
@streamqueen.xo: CAS STOP HIM!
@chronically.based: least criminal welsh person
@gamergirl.uwu: FINN STOP OMG
@secegullsa: character development pt 2
@notyourbestie: ain't no way bro
@chronically.based: BRO THINKS HES GROWN
@clipped.and.shipped: this clip going VIRAL
@romeoromeo: what's the exact location?
@terminally.online: someone download this quick
@xoxo_livv: IM ACTULY GONNA CALL POLICE
@literally.crying: HELPPP
@ur.mom.says.hi: finn's last stream
@gaming_with_gary: broski really doing this
@memequeen2010: NOT THE WINE
@dontbanmeplz: Finn's going to JAIL party
@pixelperfect: this is the most insane thing ever
@secegullsa: someone call his parents
@streamqueen.xo: !!! CAS CAS CAS CAS !!!
@jakethedog99: NAH THIS IS WILD
@notabot.exe: clip this before he deletes
@chronically.based:: most sane stream 2024
@streamqueen.xo: STOP HIM !!!
@pixelperfect: bro think he grown fr
@real.fakerzaccount: someone save this child
@romeoromeo: what bridge exactly??
@grass.toucher: this that premium content
@jubbathebutt: private school kid's first asbo stream

@Cassius Eden - Good luck. Things will calm down a bit from here. Let me know if edits are needed.

And yes, Finn did say they were going to his house and they are currently under a bridge...

Late December 2024
Cardiff, Wales

The chill of the night was a welcome respite from the warm forced air of the store as Cassius crossed the threshold and exited the Tesco. Cassius smiled to himself while Finn mumbled something in Welsh to the little people.

The boy's first experience in a muggle grocery store had not been entirely unpleasant. Indeed, there were many products on the shelves that he had never even heard of, like the apparent Welsh delicacy of bara brith. For a moment Cassius even thought they had real dragon sausage although a sign would reveal it to just be pork. Not everything looked appetizing, however. The appearance of the laverbread in particular was enough to cause him to gag as he passed a display case showing some pre-made piles of the seaweed paste.

Before Cassius could ask where they would be going next, he saw Finn take off at a run. "Hey Cas! Race you to my house?"

"Righto!"

Despite Finn having little legs compared to the older, taller boy, Cassius just barely kept pace as his heavily laden arms restricted the speed at which he could move. But he did not care. He was going to Finn's house! A real muggle house. He was fascinated in the way one might be at the chance to see a new museum exhibit or art installation. Ah, to see how the less fortunate lived. More importantly, he finally would be able to see the RGB and trapped mouse!

"Cas! This way, quick now!"

The path Finn led him on grew increasingly questionable as they avoided streets and instead dipped through and around grungy alleyways and garbage bins. He offered no comment, not wanting to insult the state of Finn's neighborhood. Instead he treated it as an adventure. No doubt he would have to trek through worse places than this if he was going to explore the world. Besides, dirty puddle water washed out. Eventually. Hopefully.

Eventually the pair emerged from the makeshift path to find themselves under a motorist bridge. They stopped and Cassius took the moment to catch his breath, surveying the area. This was certainly not a house. Or, at least not the house he was expecting as there was no house. Just a dirty underside to a dirty bridge. Did he gain permission to have a Fidelius Charm placed upon it? Surely a door would appear any moment now. But no -- he was muggle-born, wasn't he? It would make no sense for their home to be concealed in such a way.

Before he could ask, Finn handed him his phone. "Here Cas, hold this for a minute. Press the little button with the circular arrows. Just tap it with your finger."

"Err... button? Oh, this." It took the sheltered wizard a moment realize what he meant but eventually Cassius figured it out as the screen suddenly displayed the front-facing camera. Feeling it was the right thing to do, he held it up like some antique camera and tried to keep Finn in the center of the screen.

"Right then chat. Bottoms up."

As Cassius attempted to keep up with the rapidly scrolling chat feed, something clicked. "Finn, are you taking the piss?" He asked, realizing that the little people were talking about them. His face was one of stunned incredulity. Everything began to make sense now. They had committed theft. A crime!

"You have made a larcener of me!" He said with slight shock, not caring that everything he was saying would be captured by the stream. Cassius had expected to feel some sort of guilt about his actions. Expected to have some burning desire to storm back to the store and pay for everything they had taken.

But he didn't.

He did not feel guilt nor anger. No. He felt excitement.

The shock was gone and Cassius was now grinning. "You little shit, if I have to spend a night in a Welsh prison because of you I will..." The threat died on his lips as a notification popped up on Finn's phone.

"Uh, Finn. I think your telephone is trying to insult you. It says you have low power. Hah! Is it because you are small?" Another notification popped up and Cassius tapped on it, beginning to read. "You have a new letter."

WalesPost_0: Your parsel is waitin for collection in Cardiff post offs. Reply for text updates or your will be returnd to sender. Diolch!

At the bottom of the text, the phone was already suggesting auto-filled replies. "Do I tap on the thumbs up? I tapped on the thumbs up. It says you have been subscribed. Did I do it right?"

@Finnegan Connor

"Finn, are you taking the piss?"

Finnegan swigged the wine in big gulps, hiding the grinning answer to that question behind the bottom of the bottle. Wrinkles formed around his nose and his brows knitted together into a half-furrow as he gulped down several mouthfuls before he pulled away for air. Fuck, that tasted awful. It was so musty and sour, like overripe plum, yet strangely dry somehow, making him feel thirstier than when he'd started.

"It's a bit bitter..." As much as he wanted to, he couldn't bring himself to exclaim great! for his audience. "Do you want some?" He held out the bottle to Cassius who was starting to piece together what had just happened.

"You have made a larcener of me!"

There was precisely one awkward second where Finn, already slumping, still held out the bottle while his face tried to decide if it would like to show its real disgust with what he had just poured down his throat or if it should burst into laughter at Cassius' reaction.

A hiccup later, Finnegan had made up his mind. He waved his arms about dramatically and repeated in a mock voice. "You have made a larcener of me! I'm shocked, I am!"

"You little shit, if I have to spend a night in a Welsh prison because of you I will...

A mischievous glint shone in Finnegan's eye and the rest of his features soon followed. Cassius had no power here, he could not hand out any detentions, couldn't even mention magic without making himself look like a fool in front of their still growing audience.

"Do I tap on the thumbs up? I tapped on the thumbs up. It says you have been subscribed. Did I do it right?"

"What?" His voice sounded vaguely like a stranger's to him and his tongue felt a little heavier in his mouth. "No that's not right... give that... give that here." Feeling quite loose-limbed and strangely euphoric, he pushed his back off the wall and closed the distance between them. Somehow, he felt as though he'd missed something, like he'd skipped ahead in time or maybe it just seemed that way because his mind had slowed. "You're doing brilliantly Cas, really... you're, I always thought you were a really great guy, you know? Like..." He leaned heavily against the teen's shoulder while he rambled. "Well you're just really great! I could kiss you right now, I could. You're... His other arm, the one holding the bottle, hung slack at his side. "...ummmm. I don't remember what I was going to say. Hey, is that your phone? Haha! It looks a lot like mine, that's so weird!"

In a very sudden, slightly uncoordinated move, Finnegan swiped his phone from Cassius' hands and placed the half-empty bottle of wine in his hands instead. His phone hit the dirty concrete with a faint clatter, but after a bit of groping around in the semi-dark, Finn lifted it back up again and - in a moment of clarity - shut off the stream. "You should try it, it's really greeeeaaaat...." So great in fact that Cassius could have the rest while Finnegan stumbled around, trying to remember how his legs were supposed to work.

Late December 2024
Cardiff, Wales

Cassius watched the tiny Welshman with mixed emotions. Yes, the boy had deceived him. Yes, Finn had embarrassed him in view of others. Yes, he had knowingly caused Cassius to commit a crime that might have had led to his incarceration in a muggle police station... but it was also true that Cassius was having fun. Truthfully, it had been the most fun he had in a while. It was an adventure.

Even as the younger kid stumbled about with a slurred tongue, Cassius did not find himself angry. Rather he grinned, offering an arm to support the little drunk. He took the bottle but did not drink from it. Instead it was placed on the top of a low concrete wall which the Ravenclaw prefect in turn leaned back against. It was filthy, of course, but so were his clothes. Indeed, his greatcoat had suffered a slight tear in their haste to escape the scene of the crime. Nothing a bit of magic or his tailor could not fix but it was inconvenient. Especially in the cold.

Cassius watched the Welshman for a time as he recovered his cellphone. He wondered whether this was what it was like to have a little brother. If that little brother was an adopted muggle taken in out of the goodness of their hearts. Though... to be the older protector but also an enabler of chaos and all things that their parents would disapprove of. It would have been interesting. Of course, the younger could also be blamed for everything. That was the perk of being the older sibling, right?

"Finn, you can barely stand straight," Cassius said finally with a bemused look. "C'mon, where actually is this house of yours? If you still claim to live under this bridge I swear I'll leave you here. Without the wine."

The hour was growing late and for all he knew there was a patrol car of police out looking for two dodgy looking youths with a stockpile of stolen goods.

@Finnegan Connor