Bad Advice

Let them hurt you, that way they aren't unleashed on the general populace.

I've lost my cat, what do I do?

Don't bother looking for it

I forgot to finish my homework, what do I do?

You obviously can't say your dog ate your homework, because that's way too obvious. Simply walk up to your teacher, take a deep breath, and tell them that your mom ate your homework.

I want to communicate with a deaf kid, but I don't know sign language. What should I do?

yell! maybe they'll hear you.

i like a straight girl, what do i do?

Pretend you're straight so you two can have something in common!

I'm considering learning a second language but I don't know how. What should I do?

Speak your language and make strange hand gestures, so they'll understand you.

No one will except me for a job, what should I do?

Just kidnap a family member of your desired boss, and tell them that if they don't hire you, you will kill the family member you kidnapped!

I can tend to be very impatient, any ways to stop being impatient?

Yelling is of course a good coping mechanism. The oven taking too long? Yell at it. Your friend taking too long to pay attention? Yell at him/her. It will help relieve stress and help with these impatient feelings.

I can't seem to fall asleep at night. Help?

Fall asleep at day instead. Problem solved.

I have a massive headache and don't know why, any suggestions for stopping it?

GUILLOTINE

How do I make good jokes?