stop, you're not punny pv

Sept. 16, 2024

Dear Aodhan,

My deepest apologies, I couldn't be late to my next engagement. For record, I'd like to point out I am not evil, nor a snake, that'd be preposterous. I simply really enjoyed your drawing, and I was merely trying to give you some innocent pointers. Was my advice unsatisfactory? I've only read one art book explaining anatomy in passing, but I figured my grasp of the subject was rather excellent. Next time I will shorten my wording to not write as much.

On the subject of my "consequences" and its reparations (if you sound it out before writing it's easier to remember), I do not have any chocolate frogs, my apologies once again. But, what I can offer you is better than a chocolate frog. Do you like jokes? Hopefully this will make you feel better and convey my sincere feelings.

What do you call a snail that isn’t moving? An escar-stay.

Cordially, and not a snake,
Gekko Phillips

@Aodhan Shaw

Sept. 17, 2024

Dear Gekko,

No they were pretty good tips. But you just up and left! What if you left those tips and I was an angrier person, and you made a random enemy because you weren't around to clarify? Then I would try dueling you when you're unprepared, and you would end up looking like an idiot because I would have knocked you on your ass butt. You have to think of the possibilities when you do something!

Also that joke was not better than a chocolate frog. But it did make me laugh, and laughing does make me feel better, so I'll let it slide. You're on thin ice though, Gekko... if that's even you're REAL name... Actually, why are you named after an animal?

Warm regards, snake person that was wearing green to represent their snake house, so yes, evil snake person,
Aodhan Shaw

Sept. 18, 2024

Dear Aodhan,

Your drawings didn't quite point to anger as one of your main personality traits, but I will keep this in mind for the future. However, I am sure I can handle you just fine, from what I saw you're quite small and scrawny, but I'm not writing to you for threats. Those aren't fun.

On the subject of my joke, I see you are someone who can appreciate good comedy, though your values need reevaluating. I can't skate on thin ice, so perhaps we should move me off of it, it's not safe.

....This name was given to me by my beloved mother, and she did not name me after an animal. It's Japanese, there's meaning to it. I will let you slide with this because you did not know, and I'm used to people assuming otherwise. When we meet again, I will teach you how to properly say my name. Then, you can teach me how to say your made up name. Where did your parents take inspiration from for your name?

Here, have another joke since you enjoyed my last one. What do you say to a Llama that loves picnicking? Alpaca lunch.

With appreciation, a very not a evil snake person, I just like green,
Gekko Phillips

@Aodhan Shaw

Sept. 18, 2024

Dear Gekko,

... You really don't mean what you say do you? You can't possibly mean it because otherwise that sounds like you're trying to fight me, and I'm not here for threats either. Still though, I bet I got way more experience even if I'm small. I know exactly where to kick people so you better fear me! And don't consider those threats, just me assuring you of my impecccable impeccable fighting prowess (DON'T mention that spelling mistake, my brain just goes too fast for my fingers).

You're so weird. But that's not a bad thing. Weird is good, it means you're unique. Still though, you're super weird. You're letting me slide? Like you didn't desecrate my notebook with scribbles? Even if those scribbles were helpful! This is why I called you evil.

Anyway, my real totally not made up name was something my parents gave me too. It's not my birth name so definitely more made up than yours, but it's cool. It means "little flame" because everything I say is pure fire. Nothing but heat. I'm just awesome like that.

... I can't lie, you're funny. That one was smart. The next letter I send you, I'll come up with something too. I can't let you one up me in humor.

Sincerely,
Little Flame

Sept. 19, 2024

Dear Little Flame,

Emphasis on little.

But, in regards to your last letter, everything I say is "at face value", I just said I wasn't writing to you for threats. I do not wish to hurt your feelings and tarnish your obviously small ego, so let's drop this here, shall we? Let's talk about more important matters, like helping you slow down your writing and offer you some spelling lessons. No one is going to take the paper from you, write a little slower.

Books have always told me being called weird would be a bad thing, but you say otherwise. The books were a little outdated, so for once I shall take your word. I'm sorry again for writing in your book without permission, but based off its overly used state I thought it would blend in with the mess.

I like your name, it suits you, in more ways than one. My name means Moonlight, but everyone, including my father, ignores it and calls me Gecko instead. Being called a Gecko is unsavory, but my name's real meaning is, as you say, nothing but heat. I really like that, I think I will incorporate that into my speech from now on. I too am just awesome like that.

And please do send me some jokes, I enjoy all forms of humor. This is how people become friends, right?

Looking forward to hearing from you,
Moonlight

@Aodhan Shaw

Sept. 20, 2024

Dear Moonlight,

First off, I'm pushing you back onto the ice. You've earned your place there.

Second, I don't need spelling lessons! But just for this letter, I'll try slowing down for you I guess. I don't know how people can handle "slowing down" actually. Do you not get antsy from moving so slow when you're trying to get your thoughts out? Like for me, I always have tons upon tons of thoughts you see, so it's important I get them all out while I can. Going slow is difficult, but I did say I'll try and I'm definitely trying right now. I deserve a thank you!

But yeah. Face value you say? Okay. I can definitely how you mean those things at face value now, if you're relying on... books. Are you really basing things like "weirdness" off of books? You should reason it out for yourself some more. Books can make sense and help you, don't get me wrong, but it's not always the full story. Think about it. Books are getting updated all the time, like how you said yours is outdated. But I didn't base what I said off a book, I just used my own brain.

I think that's better exercise for thinking independently (I sounded that out like you said to). Expand your mind! And I accept your apology, since now I see how you process stuff. Kind of.

Also, thank you! I really like my name too, so I was real happy when my parents gave it to me. Plus I agree, moonlight does sound pretty fire. You have a good name. But you should respect Gecko since Geckos are great in their own right. Did you know they have their own mating calls and everything? I read that on the internet once (please tell me you know what the internet is, I feel like I'm going insane). They show a huge amount of intelligence from doing that!

As for the joke I promised:

How can you tell when a clock is hungry? It goes back four seconds.

What do you think? It made me giggle, so I hope you like it. And yeah being funny is a good way to make friends! But since you're asking me, I'm guessing you don't have a lot? Or you're not used to it? I don't mind being friends if that's the case!

Sincerely,
Little, emphasis on the little, Flame

Sept. 20, 2024

Dear Tiny Flame,

Please, don't put me back on the ice. I deserve to be on solid land that won't easily break under me.

Taking things slow is preferred, if everything goes too fast you miss the good stuff. One time, I was eating my favorite cake too fast and completely missed my mother had snuck in allergy medicine in the middle. Then I woke up hours later, because for some reason or another it makes you pass out. But the moral of the story is blink and you'll miss it, so I'm glad you're listening and taking it slow now. Now your spelling is normal, good job!

Books were my go-to for a lot of things, my dad didn't let me use the internet because he wasn't familiar with it, and my mom only used it on her cellphone. Most I had was television and my grandparent's library. I don't think I did a bad job with my limited resources, in fact I believe I am quite awesome. The heat. I'll use your brain for things like this from now on too, Little Flame. At least until I expand my mind enough.

Geckos are disgusting, evil creatures. They are my worst enemy and that is all I will say on such matters. Do not tell me more of such vile beasts.

On lighter matters, thank you for accepting my apology, this brings me great happiness. Your joke made it tenfold, this was very good. It made me laugh heartily. I was mostly cooped up in the house and my neighborhood didn't have any kids, only old people. I never had any friends, but I read books to prepare myself for when I would. To accommodate us being new friends, I will come up with a nickname for you, as is tradition. Next time I will have one ready for you, but until then enjoy this joke from my favorite joke book:

“Doctor, help! I’m shrinking!” “Take this and you’ll be back to normal in a few weeks. Until then, you’ll just have to be a little patient.”

Looking forward to hearing from you,
Awesome Moonlight

@Aodhan Shaw

Sept. 21, 2024

Dear Goated Moonlight who will stay on the ice and no you can't convince me otherwise,

Hm, well when you put it like that then sure, I can maybe try going slow more often. But if I end up getting bored then I'll probably cause arson. Or something. I don't know yet, but you'll definitely find out later!

And your dad... didn't let you use the internet. Okay at first I thought "wow, I would die in that position," but I guess it's not that bad when you really think about it. I know at home I spent a lot of time outside doing things like selling Pokémon cards so if you're creative enough, then I guess you can do anything... kinda like expanding your mind, yes! I'll let you borrow my brain power to expand it. Don't borrow too much though because it takes a lot of energy to be a mastermind in the making, so I kinda need it.

Oh. Actually, maybe I should have read the entire letter instead of responding as I go. Old people? You hung out with nothing but people who will be in ashes soon? How did you survive? I feel so bad that I'll ignore the gecko thing, because you might deserve better. In fact, I'll join your tradition and give you a nickname too! Double niceness just for you!

What do you think about Ribbit? I think that works well, or if you don't like it then I can maybe come up with something else. But you'll have to pay up and get me sweets. Please get me sweets.

And here's an obligatory (that one was a little hard) returning pun:

RIP Boiling Water. You will be mist.

All the best (if you get me sweets),
The Flame soon to be nicknamed

Sept. 21, 2024

Dear Flame-o who is being very mean to me right now,

Your entire first entry is so concerning that I will ignore it. For now.

My father hails from a traditional pure blood family, so he wasn't particularly fond of many of the muggle things my mother would use. He makes special exceptions but otherwise I think he just likes to pretend it doesn't exist. However, Pokémon sounds familiar, I think I watched a television show called that. I wasn't aware it had a card game, is it fun?

The people you call dust were very kind, I played board games with them sometimes. Some were wizards, some were muggles. It was an interesting time socializing and watching everyone come together for "Bingo". It was fun watching them, but not fun to play with them.

Aodhan, you're very kind. Thank you for joining me, I have the perfect nickname to match you. Flame-o, in honor of your name's meaning. Or perhaps Flamieo? Flafla? This is still under construction, bear with me. I considered Aodhan-o, but it sounded like a mouthful and made me realize I didn't know how to properly say your imaginary name. Can you teach me?

I am not so sure I understand calling me Ribbit, but I will buy my friend sweets if that's what he so wishes. I await your letters each day, and sometimes I am impatient to respond because it is so fun to speak to you.

Thank you.

Your jokes are improving, I laughed so hard my dormmates gave me odd looks. People find it weird when I laugh for some reason. Let's trade more in person next time.

Looking forward to hearing from you,
The Goat?

@Aodhan Shaw