Apprehensive Departure
September 1st
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Sam shuffled awkwardly as he watched another kid disappear through the brick wall; a second or third year, he guessed, by the way they confidently strode through. It was his idea to find a spot on the other side of King’s Cross; but regret started to simmer down in his chest as he watched and felt increasingly more insecure.
His mothers arm was around his shoulder, holding him close. She was trying hard not to show it, but Sammy could tell she was worried too, by the way her hand gripped the cloth of his shirt. ‘Maybe she’ll change her mind?’ he wondered with a hopeful lurch, but logically he knew it was just wishful thinking.
“Are you ready to go?” She asked, turning and tipping her head to smile brightly down at him, her nervous grip loosening. He was glad his mum was the one to accompany him to the platform, even though his dad was a wizard and she was not. His father was the one to bring him to Diagon Alley, and it was more or less a stressful hassle. He had been caught up in the excitement of his son’s first school supply run and exposing Sam to the wider magical world, having rushed Sammy around everywhere giving him little time to process and leaving the boy's head spinning.
Sam hesitated, and then shook his head. “Not yet. Can we wait just a little longer?”
His mum’s expression softened and she nodded. “Alright, my boy. We can wait a little longer.” She paused, and then added “It's alright to be scared.”
Sammy furrowed his brow. “I am not scared, I'm nervous. There's a difference.” He emphasised, sounding exasperated.
“Of course.” She hummed in response. Sam couldn't help the small smile pulling at the corner of his lips.
He took a breath, forcing all his worries down to the bottom of the sinking pit in his stomach. ‘Its fine. If I'm going to be scared, then I'll just have to do it scared.’ Which was easier said than done, but Sam still turned to his mother and said “Alright, I'm ready.”
His mother gave him a wide smile, and knelt down to hug him tight. “Don’t worry, honey; you’ll be with people like you, now.” There was no pointedness in her tone, but that didn’t stop a twang of hurt in his heart and his mind shouting ‘I’m already with people like me!’
He forced himself to turn and start walking away from his mum, who was likely holding back watery eyes behind him. It felt worse than when he had to tell Thomas, Charlie, and Stella he was going away for a whole year, and the year after that, and the year after that. He remembered the shock on their faces, the tearful goodbyes. He had almost wanted to chicken out and leave without a trace, just to avoid the pain that came with it; but that would be a cowardly decision. ‘Besides, we’ll still have summers.’
He gingerly approached the wall; feeling his mother’s eyes on his back. Sam was on his own now; he had no choice but to be brave. ‘Here goes nothing.’
He shielded his head with his elbows and darted into the brick without thinking about it; and when the pain of slamming into a solid wall never came, he opened his eyes.
It was already crowded, students saying their last goodbyes to their families staying behind, pets darting around underfoot; an itching in his nose was already starting to form. He looked around, already feeling lost and overwhelmed. Still, he managed to get his bearings and figure out what to do; making his way through the crowd towards the train, lugging his trunk along with him toward his uncertain future.
∘₊✧──────✧₊∘
∘₊✧──────✧₊∘
Sam shuffled awkwardly as he watched another kid disappear through the brick wall; a second or third year, he guessed, by the way they confidently strode through. It was his idea to find a spot on the other side of King’s Cross; but regret started to simmer down in his chest as he watched and felt increasingly more insecure.
His mothers arm was around his shoulder, holding him close. She was trying hard not to show it, but Sammy could tell she was worried too, by the way her hand gripped the cloth of his shirt. ‘Maybe she’ll change her mind?’ he wondered with a hopeful lurch, but logically he knew it was just wishful thinking.
“Are you ready to go?” She asked, turning and tipping her head to smile brightly down at him, her nervous grip loosening. He was glad his mum was the one to accompany him to the platform, even though his dad was a wizard and she was not. His father was the one to bring him to Diagon Alley, and it was more or less a stressful hassle. He had been caught up in the excitement of his son’s first school supply run and exposing Sam to the wider magical world, having rushed Sammy around everywhere giving him little time to process and leaving the boy's head spinning.
Sam hesitated, and then shook his head. “Not yet. Can we wait just a little longer?”
His mum’s expression softened and she nodded. “Alright, my boy. We can wait a little longer.” She paused, and then added “It's alright to be scared.”
Sammy furrowed his brow. “I am not scared, I'm nervous. There's a difference.” He emphasised, sounding exasperated.
“Of course.” She hummed in response. Sam couldn't help the small smile pulling at the corner of his lips.
He took a breath, forcing all his worries down to the bottom of the sinking pit in his stomach. ‘Its fine. If I'm going to be scared, then I'll just have to do it scared.’ Which was easier said than done, but Sam still turned to his mother and said “Alright, I'm ready.”
His mother gave him a wide smile, and knelt down to hug him tight. “Don’t worry, honey; you’ll be with people like you, now.” There was no pointedness in her tone, but that didn’t stop a twang of hurt in his heart and his mind shouting ‘I’m already with people like me!’
He forced himself to turn and start walking away from his mum, who was likely holding back watery eyes behind him. It felt worse than when he had to tell Thomas, Charlie, and Stella he was going away for a whole year, and the year after that, and the year after that. He remembered the shock on their faces, the tearful goodbyes. He had almost wanted to chicken out and leave without a trace, just to avoid the pain that came with it; but that would be a cowardly decision. ‘Besides, we’ll still have summers.’
He gingerly approached the wall; feeling his mother’s eyes on his back. Sam was on his own now; he had no choice but to be brave. ‘Here goes nothing.’
He shielded his head with his elbows and darted into the brick without thinking about it; and when the pain of slamming into a solid wall never came, he opened his eyes.
It was already crowded, students saying their last goodbyes to their families staying behind, pets darting around underfoot; an itching in his nose was already starting to form. He looked around, already feeling lost and overwhelmed. Still, he managed to get his bearings and figure out what to do; making his way through the crowd towards the train, lugging his trunk along with him toward his uncertain future.
∘₊✧──────✧₊∘
"Real ones don't study and pass the tests anyway."
Stam 5|Eva 7|Str 2|Wis 8|Arc 6|Acc 7