Closed Riding on my Pain and Tears PV Valentin TW: Self-harm

Please just assume that all varieties of trigger warnings apply for the duration of this thread.

Under the aurora-themed tarp of a Stargazer tent, Valentin slipped off a black unzipped sleeping bag cloth. Pushing himself up onto one arm, the seeker blinked the haze of sleeplessness out of his eyes. While the tent’s special effects were endearingly similar to the sky, it just wasn’t the same as being in eyeshot of real stars. Still under his left hand rested Nikolai Vol’ka, who was the primary reason Val had been able to get any sleep since the day of Durmstrang’s hag slug battle. Watching the slow pulse of breath course through the smaller boy’s body, Valentin decided the other must have fallen asleep. At least he didn’t suffer that blight of a day, thought Val for the hundredth time, much as he selfishly would have preferred Nikolai to have seen it all. He wished the other could fully know the horrors that Valentin had inadvertently wreaked and understand just what he was going through now. Nikolai told him before that Valya was no monster. Did he know enough, though, to be right? Surely, surely… I trust his heart. He must be right. I’ll trust Kol’ka. Kol’ka…

Heliotrope eyes turning towards the spot on the bare earth floor where they’d bled together, Valentin sighed. He didn’t like for his mind to be confined to his body like this. If he could have it his way, he’d further blur the boundaries between the two of them – or even the whole universe. Wasn’t that what magic was about anyway? What most people saw as a means of controling the environment and other people – wasn’t there actually a deeper unity to it all? It was like the sacred act of eating, taking something from outside and forcibly making it a part of oneself, powering the ability to continue pressing one’s will into the world. Turning his eyes back to the rise and fall of the platinum blonde’s ribs, Valentin’s mind automatically picked over whether Nikolai had been eating enough. You’re worrying again, Valik, the captain chided himself. This is why I don’t like sitting still. The thoughts get stuck and repeat themselves. Pulling the cover over Nikolai just a bit more, Valentin leaned back and then stood to claim his broom before heading to the tent exit. Turning his head one last time to make sure the other seemed asleep, Valentin sighed once more and departed into the dark of midnight.

The black of the heavens was always grayer in London than in his homeland, the stars less prominent. Yearning for someplace darker to seep into for a while where he could whet the blade of his intellect, Valya’s long legs sent him far across the stadium encampment and through its most poorly lit footpaths. Eventually the sound of a moaning metal rail caught his ear, a subtle creak that anyone would miss if they’d never learned the language of the winds. Following this cue Valentin wove his way into a bend of stadium seating riding the edge of the stands. A dark figure leaned over this bar’s thin margin and emitted a haunting hysterical laugh.

Approaching as quietly as the spreading light of a full moon rising, Valentin’s flowing silver robes floated behind him so lightly that they did not even rustle. The despairing young man before him fell to his knees, draping his arms over the railing, and the glint of his tears and slick trembling lip caught the seeker’s keen eye. This was no ordinary struggle, knew the pain-eater. The warping of the cries bent Valya’s empathic core in angles of such utter despair that their bearer seemed on the verge of death, at least in his soul, if not also his body. The beauty of the young man's wailing especially beguiled Valya, drawing him in with all the certainty of summer’s end.

The peaceful footfall of the 6’1” tall lightweight was simple for one in the throes of agony to miss. Once in range, however, the characteristic cut of Kim Aoki’s hair would not evade Val’s identification. The boy’s unearthly cries continued as Valentin’s broad athletic shoulders arched behind him, spreading his arms and their wing-like sleeves in descent. Suddenly Kim would find the silken cloth and firm grasp of Valentin’s hands encircling him and pulling him backwards.

Sitting down into the attack, Valentin’s bodyweight levered against the other’s in order to pull him into the cavern made by his embrace. The physics of the captain’s grab carried Kim’s back into a collision, flat against Val's chest in a collapse anchored between each silvery leg, and no matter how much the Gryffindor struggled, Valentin would not let go. No, the more he struggled, the firmer the grip around him insisted on being. However violent, however severe, however pleading Kim might have been, Val would only lean back and use gravity's leverage and his dauntless tenacity to hold the other tightly and keep the other from escaping. If the dark-haired boy seemed to relax into the pose at any point, Val would then reward him with a stroke of his right hand through Kim’s hair while his other arm remained hooked firmly around his torso.

Valentin would not say a word to Kim at such a fragile moment. The colddrake had been summoned, a new ritual initiated. Right now, nothing mattered more than the boy's capture while rare magic could still be performed.

Basic Stats:
STA 8 - EVA 20 - STR 3 - WIS 20 [24] - ARC 1 - ACC 17
Keen Eye / Charmer / Evasive Maneuvers / Fearless / Comprehend Languages: Parseltongue & Veela
Inventory: A silver earring, a golden ring on his middle finger, a wand, and an Oakshaft 79.
Broom bonus stats (when flying): +4 ACC, +4 STR
Charmer recipients: @Kim Sato
Mentioning: @Matthew Campbell (Nikolai Vol’ka)
Godmods of Kim are permitted by his writer here. Val’s English: #CC3333

"Let me go!" cried Kim, trying and failing to force Valentin’s arms off. Durmstrang’s champion was older, bigger, and in peak condition after training hard for the summer quidditch cup. The physical world was the elite athlete’s domain, even as a lightweight, for Valentin knew how to use positioning and gravity to maximum advantage. Keeping Kim trapped within his embrace would be just challenging enough to excite Val while still easily maintaining control.

Acutely attuned to subtle cues, the seeker’s hands told their wielder of Kim’s condition. The boy was much leaner since they’d last held him, the baby fat of youth wasted away along with some lost muscle. A momentary lull in Kim’s cries warned Val that the boy was beginning to retreat into himself, probably due in part to the surprise of not knowing what was happening to him and already being self-isolating. Valentin knew his type. The captain studied people, especially his friends, and he’d been working on cracking the code of Kim’s mind ever since they first met.

The more the Asian boy struggled, the more he fomented Valentin’s impassioned squeezing. Any panicked scrambling heightened the seeker’s senses and electrified him as he rallied more intense focus, just as he did when chasing the elusive golden snitch. With Kim on his back and gravity working against him, his already weary body quickly tired itself out while all Valentin had to do was lay back and ensure his arms remained locked at the right places. Once the smaller boy’s limbs slackened in exhaustion, Valentin swept long fingers through his coarse black hair in one slow sweep, emphasizing that not only was it right to succumb to him, but that this was all a demonstration of his love.

Kim tensed, trying to lean away with a sniffle, but the captain felt every turn of the boy’s emotions and knew he had read him correctly. Despite the tension of not knowing when he might attempt another breakout, Val remained in place with his right hand lodged in the other’s hair and his nose at the back of the other’s neck. The squeak of some unseen night creature sent Kim’s body tensing within his arms, and Valentin understood that the noise deeply disturbed his ward. Brushing the back of Kim’s hair with his nose in response, Val soon felt the other dissolve into another emotional downturn. The Korean twisted to the side and Valentin eased up enough to let him turn, burying his face into the silk and skin at his shoulder.

For a long moment, Val simply let the boy use that swath of his body however he needed, soaking up all tears en masse. Each tear whetted Val’s appetite for more, soon overwhelming him with the feverish need to have them all. In this exquisite, rare moment, he might be able to have Kim pour the entirety of his agony into him. He wanted to clean the boy out to the very darkest depths of catharsis, washing the fetid wounds of Kim’s heart with torrents of his tears… ultimately leaving Kim’s inner realm purged and pure, ready for renewal.

When Kim seemed to be done using his shoulder, Valentin then rotated out from under him and placed the boy’s weakened frame securely against the bench seating. Shifting into sitting on top of him to ensure his body weight would keep the other down and unable to escape, Val spread his hands open and encircled the tops of Kim’s biceps to hold him still. Then, gazing down with his exotic amethyst eyes, Valentin sought Kim’s interlocking gaze. Not a word escaped the seeker’s lips as his stare began to probe for answers. Looming just overhead with his crown of white hair framed by the halo of the moon, Valentin’s pale countenance took on a glow. While his weight was pressing Kim down, however, the angles at which he chose to do so were gentle and considerate of the hard surfaces below. Just so, Kim would not feel pain from this positioning, but only firm pressure like a heavy blanket encompassing him completely.

Basic Stats:
STA 8 - EVA 20 - STR 3 - WIS 20 [24] - ARC 1 - ACC 17
Keen Eye / Charmer / Evasive Maneuvers / Fearless / Comprehend Languages: Parseltongue & Veela
Inventory: A silver earring, a golden ring on his middle finger, a wand, and an Oakshaft 79.
Broom bonus stats (when flying): +4 ACC, +4 STR
Charmer recipients: @Kim Sato
Godmods of Kim are permitted by his writer here. Val’s English: #CC3333

With Kim’s muscles tensing below, Valentin’s head snaked after him as the shy boy looked away. Both hands rose from Kim’s shoulders to take his jaws into their expansive palms, and Valentin pulled the boy’s face back towards his own. Keen eyes glittered in the low evening light and Kim would see his own reflection shimmer across their perfectly smooth surface. Underneath that mirror-polished sheen morphed mesmerizing hues of purple and indigo spiked with icicles of silver. The unearthly eyes did not blink, only aiming to pin Kim’s in place to serve as the fundamental anchor for their transmissions. Kim’s little struggle had only served to bring a curl to the corners of Valya’s eyes, and a whisper of the seeker’s breath exhaled across the boy’s neck. One thumb reached over from the side of Kim’s face as it passed over the surface of the boy’s lips. With a delicate press, the finger curled over part of Kim’s lower lip, slightly opening his mouth. The hum of chirping insects and the flutter of distant wings stirred the night air, and Valentin froze in place there, staring down in an attempt to dive into Kim’s dark eyes.

“Pour your pain into me. Let me hear it, know it, feel it all without limitation. I am not letting you go, Kim. This is the moment to let it out. Give it all to me.”

Once Kim’s eyes yielded to interlocking with the seeker’s, a sweet smile warmed Val’s face. The water gathering in Kim’s eyes triggered a dampness in his own increasingly loving gaze, and Val’s thumb drew back across the boy's upper lip in an affectionate return to its station tucked below one cheekbone.

"Почему тебя это так волнует?" "Why do you care so much?"

«Потому что мы одно целое». “Because we are one.” It was simple Russian that the Korean was sure to understand.

It didn’t matter that Kim wasn’t nearly as close to Valentin as Nikolai or his beloved team mates. This wasn’t about how much they had shared, nor did it matter how much or how little Kim cared about Valentin. At this moment, Kim’s strife was Valya’s own with no barriers between them, for this was the pain-eater’s fundamental nature. There were no requirements necessary for such profound empathy to arise, and it emerged as simply as any phenomenon, like the gathering of frost coils on a windowpane or a bolt of lightning summoned by ionized air. The pearl-skinned boy felt the torment of the other as acutely as he would feel his own. A disease within Kim was an affliction in himself, and it was Valya’s base instinct to heal from injury. Nothing could be as natural as reaching for Kim’s bleeding heart, even if happening upon a true pain-eater was an astronomically rare find. At this point in Valentin’s life, his will to live burned more lustrously than ever before, for he himself had been healed from a decade and a half of accumulated suffering – both his and others’ – finally breaking Valya’s curse. Never before had he had so much capacity to take on someone else’s personal hell, and so Val's yearning was also higher than ever.

“There’s no need for a wall between us, Kim. I would only fly over it anyway. Listen to me now. I am here for you and no matter what happened between us before, or will happen hereafter, your suffering is still my own. This much is unstoppable. Let me in and see for yourself that I will not abandon you. My love is immortal. My care is unconditional. Hold onto me, and I will guide you back into the light. I won’t let go. The level of our relationship does not matter whatsoever. My love knows no limits because it’s founded on a higher truth – transcendental unity.”

Leaning forward, Valentin placed a kiss between Kim’s eyebrows. His lips were soft. Warm. In fact, Valya’s entire body was much hotter than it had been in January when he was remarkably cold to the touch. Only one boy would have reason to know that this was not simply from the exorcism of a hag slug, but something greater. Regardless, the heat of Valentin’s skin had only seemed to increase over the course of this exchange.

“Tell me, Kim. Tell me everything you’ve lost. Share every reason for your mourning with me.”

Valentin’s hands slipped from the sides of the boy’s face and descended like a pair of Asclepius serpents as they struck Kim’s hands. Weaving his fingers in between the other’s, Valentin’s gaze never broke away from following the other’s no matter where it turned.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

"Words cannot be trusted, people betray all the time." The Korean’s grim murmur, however, came with a glimmer of hope in his eyes. Valentin nodded, knowing the fallibility and fickleness of others from years of enduring loss, betrayals of trust, and manipulation. At the mention of Sophia, Valentin realized that he, too, hadn’t heard from her in years. Still, Felix, Puffie, and others…? The disappearance of loved ones was all too familiar to Valentin, especially with this summer marking the anniversary of discovering his father’s murdered body. It wasn’t just both parents he’d lost, either, but even dear Horntail friends – Yefim, Charles, Cielle, all gone… Then there was the backstabbing of ex-team mate Edward Smith who threatened to kill beloved Greta… and the deceptive seduction of the water nymph from the Great Lake, who was probably the source of that blighted hag slug. Was the alleged Gellert of Durmstrang any different? Was it all just a game to him, like the time Romeo’s brother drugged them? Before that came his abandonment by Ginyami… and before that, the original disintegration of his quidditch team, which only after years of painstaking reconstruction came into its current state of glory… Valentin knew Kim’s pain, and hearing it detailed here now made perfect sense. With eyes full of love, the seeker watched Kim’s lip tremble in beautiful fragility for just one second before responding.

“You needn’t bother listening to my frilly words if only you will put faith in my actions,” reassured Val with a low rumble. “I feel your pain, which echoes in the voids left by those I, too, have lost. It is easy to take for granted what good things grace our peaceful days so quietly, so humbly. It is when you can no longer use your legs when you realize how much you depended on them. Luckily, this isn’t the end, not of everything. The past has gone, but there is still the present, as well as any future moments we are blessed to survive.” Valentin squeezed Kim’s hands, his smile beaming. The dark-eyed boy looked up at him, and Val’s purple eyes burrowed down deeper into the points of Kim’s pupils, responding to Kim’s honest and open-hearted replies.

Kim rose up, then, and caught Val’s lips with a kiss. Stunned, the seeker blinked slowly as his eyes wheeled backwards into his head. He was not expecting to receive such a gesture of love, so focused was he on giving. Yet, here it was. He felt Kim calling out to him wordlessly through his lips clinging to his own, as plush and pink as petals. Thrumming in his heart and a rising heat in his core reminded Valya that these were his feelings, real and in this moment, not machinations brought on by the mind control of a parasitic slug. Ringing like the tone of a violin inside him, raw emotion burned in his throat as he considered what to do.

After all these years, Valya had still never claimed a boyfriend. For all the kisses the champion had received, they each amounted to expressions of feeling and will within their respective moments. The seeker knew that, in truth, his heart was devoted to Nikolai beyond even the bounds of blood rite. Yet, the little dragon was too young, and Valentin could only show his loved one the utmost respect. As such, the seeker still had no limitations on whom he could kiss, either platonically or romantically. Valentin had issued his final remarks to Romeo in January, and with nothing progressing between them, he’d decided once more to leave the Italian in peace. If Gellert was even a human or a snow sprite stalking him across international borders was yet to be determined. Ginyami clearly had Sara now. Even sworn to uphold his bond with Nikolai above all others, Valentin was not yet romantically beholden to anyone. What reason could he possibly have to not return Kim’s expression of love now? If the events of the Mistletoe Ball had taught him anything, it was that people in Britain did not necessarily read much into obligations when kissing. If Valentin could use such an act of love to heal Kim’s fractured heart, why should he impose a boundary between them now?

Leaning into the kiss and letting his hands slip from Kim’s, Valya’s arms rose to cradle the boy’s head. As he lay him down completely, Val maintained unbroken pressure from his lips. Then, when Kim was stabilized flat against the bench, the drake sank his mouth down further as if to hungrily devour the other. Pouring passion down into him as he grasped handfuls of rich black hair, Val threaded his tongue through the other’s teeth with a lick. Then pulling back up to look Kim in the eyes, the seeker made it clear that he wasn’t thinking of anyone else nor escaping into some never-never land. His gaze scintillated like the breath of a Swedish ice dragon, scorching with their demand that Kim allow him to heal even his deepest buried wounds with this love. Pressing back in for a second pass, Valentin’s mouth captured Kim’s, gently but savagely insisting that everything he’d said was true. Once it seemed the other needed a moment to breathe, Val pulled back and continued to sit there, holding the boy down while eyeing him like a dragon atop a golden hoard.

“I want you to look into my eyes, Kim, and tell me something good. Tell me something that warms your heart… something that makes you want to live.”