A Brother's Grimm Solo

Fingers lined with a thin layer of sweat they curled round the letter that had plagued him all day. Over 2 months had passed since the last he had received from his family and just as he was adjusting to his new found freedom there it was. No warning, no fanfare, it had simply appeared in his chamber like the reaper waiting eagerly to collect his soul ripping him from this mortal coil. If he waited any longer the building sweat would dampen the paper. Anticipation was a cruel master and anxiety wracked Nikolai's being threatening to weaken his knees and collapse him inward.

He was prey caught in the glimpse of its predators sight. Frozen but knowing if it failed to move for another second it would succumb to the clutches of death. With that it was decided, there was only so long he could stare at the wax seal. It's only a piece of paper, it can't hurt you. They can't hurt you he repeated to himself time and time again as his wand broke open the only sealant between himself and whatever innumerable cruelties filled the note below. Unfortunately Nikolai found that simply opening it was only half the battle he now pondered over the necessity to actually release it from the envelope and desperately he sought that he needn't but it was a futile battle. Equal parts nervous and curious his mind was a raging battlefield of opposition both sides desperate to win yet like most wars winning was but a false reality. Bracing himself for the impact he dragged the beautiful ivory parchment from its seal but before he could digest its contents his attention was snatched by a trio of falling cards.

Bending to a low crouch he momentarily set the letter down hopelessly attempting to convince himself this was not another deflection tactic in the process. Scooping up the 3 small placards his heart skipped a beat and surprise dazzled his mind for all expectations had instantly been dispersed, now the seed of anticipation was bearing fruit from within. Grabbing the letter he ran to perch himself on the edge of his bed where he could sprawl the items beneath him and read in safety. As Nikolai was sure in this moment that the words inscribed here would likely destabalise his legs and potentially even his heart. With a breath deeper than any he had ever taken before he unfurled the note and began to devour every syllable.

Hello Волчонок Little Wolf,

In a thousand lifetimes I wouldn't be able to profess my profound apologies for the treatment you have been subjected to little brother. I wish I could place all blame on our parents but I am nigh free from judgement myself. It will forever be with regret that I, and be assured all of us brothers share in such remorse, have no such power to alter our parents decisions. You know perhaps more than any of us their commitment to be unyielding.

I may be unable to publicly support you but know that you will forever and always be my bолчонок that has not changed. If anything my love has grown yet deeper from your endeavour to pursue truth and happiness despite the hardships it tolls upon you. Merely I wish circumstances were different as were it not for father I would have you in my arms right now and deliver this message directly to you upon the top of my shoulders like when you were smaller - not that height favours you yet. In truth I should defy them, if I was a stronger man I would but I'm afraid I do not have your strength, I believe staying will afford me the power to overcome our parents and then we may be reunited if you shall still have us. I know I do not deserve such a blessing but my heart will always beat with yours as it has since the day you graced my life. My youngest brother you have as much a claim on my heart as I myself do.

Although I cannot provide for you in any meaningful way I hope you will accept these small tokens. I have also taken the initiative to reach out to our wider family in the hopes I can find you a safe haven as I assume our parents have left you to fend for yourself. Please let me know you are safe and seek shelter at the summer camp, it does not cover the entire holiday but at least you will be protected there. I have left you a special gift for that under your pillow, don't bother being sensible with it. It is a Volkov sibling tradition and although Rad wished to be the one to deliver his turn our brothers do not have the luxury of my freedom.

If I may offer one sentiment to you dear brother, do not lose who you are or let this mould you to hate. You are deserving of love and a worthy Volkov in my eyes, perhaps the worthiest. If you ever require anything of me please write addressed to Caspian, I have ensured I shall receive such correspondence in secrecy. Continue to know you will be loved by me for as long as I live and breathe, you are my brother, my bолчонок.

All my love,
Casimir

The torrent whirlwind of emotion had Nikolai spinning endlessly unable to control the storm that seemed to strike his entire body. There was pain as well as joy, disappointment as well as hope, but perhaps above all there was the confirmation of isolation. Having not spoken with his brothers since the moment he told them it was clear they were being forced to stay away but in Cas' words there was finality to it. Nikolai now knew that his brothers loved and accepted him which was a gift letting fluttering sensations of his heart soar but he was also to be separated from them for good. The russian knew the cost of defying his parents and so could seldom blame his brothers, but such logic did not prevent the ache that crushed his heart.

Placing it down he retook his gifts in hand and allowed the fragments of memories to overcome his sensations taking him back to each individual moment. Casimir had delivered with the note his most prized possessions, his polaroid photographs. Perhaps the only secret they had ever managed to maintain from their parents was the possession of the muggle device and what a joyous secret it was. Staring at the three polaroids his mind traversed time firstly to their trips to Plyzah where the brothers would lay on the sandy shores for hours discussing the lives they wished they could live. Fire pit roaring washing them with heat while the dusting of wood ash filled their nostrils as it floated the air. Trips that would no longer be anything but memories for Nikolai.

Flipping to the second his wandering mind found himself in Novi's room alongside Rad and Brodny all playing dress up with their rebellious brothers rambunctious wardrobe. A wardrobe that had spurred many an argument in these Volkov walls. If he remembered correctly the day was Novislak's prom from the very school he sat in now. Their parents had refused to allow Novi to attend in such unbecoming attire so they donned his outfits and paraded around the estate with enough gumption to distract them long enough to let their brother slip away. Tears filling his eyes a flash of memory extended the polaroid past the captured frame as he remembered the dashingly cheeky wink and signature smirk Novi graced them with when he escaped.

The final was one of Nikolai's youngest memories and undoubtedly one of his most cherished, at least from his youth. In truth there wasn't much he remembered from that time, he knew he had been ill for much of his childhood but such ailments were considered weakness in his household and so it was rarely discussed. In fact Nikolai to this day had no idea what had been wrong with him nor did his memory provide any insight. This moment, however, sparked joy whenever it passed his thoughts. Having begged for the polaroid his entire life he laughed somberly at the idea that all it took was to lose everything in order to gain it. To anyone else the memory would likely seem too simple to evoke as much happiness and longing as it did but to Nikolai it was nothing short of perfection. Taken back he found himself to be a boy no older than perhaps 4, the memory always lacked clarity but he knew it had been years since he had seen Casimir and yet upon their reunion he lifted Nik upon his shoulder's and wouldn't take him down for the entire day. They explored every inch of the Volkov estate together, pointing out the nooks they used to stash contraband and memories carved into old wood marking the constant war of height between his elder siblings. Although the day was a delight it hadn't been the reason for the memories sacred position in his heart but rather the final words Cas had spoken to him that day. Words that rang true even more now than they had then. "No matter the darkness I will always be your guiding light, never forget that." Nikolai never did forget them and clearly Casimir hadn't either as those very words now graced the bottom of the polaroid.

With this he was unable to defend any longer against the barrage of tears that sought release. Sitting in his room he allowed himself to drink in every emotion to its fullest until all that remained was the bittersweet taste of melancholy. Nikolai couldn't say he was either sad nor happy but knowing his brothers still loved him had made the day a little brighter than the one before. Remembering he still had one more hidden gift he dashed over to his pillow and lifting it skyward revealed a long bottle decorated in the golden adornment of a fish. A staple of the Volkov family, no member exiled or not could fail to recognize Beluga Noble Vodka, the drink that accompanied every soirée. Whatever the summer had in store this was certain to enhance the experience. Clutching it to his chest he hugged it gently as if the bottle itself was his own brother before packing it with similar softness and care into his suitcase. Really Casimir had no need to worry, Valentin had taken him in with open arms but it brought comfort to know that even disownment wasn't capable of breaking the bond of brotherhood they 4 shared. There was no time at present but hope pranced along his skin with the idea that despite being separated by distance he may still be able to keep his brothers through the written word.