Just a Few Questions, Professor PV Griffith

"Most creatures are not Malevolent, and Snallygasters certainly are not. Of course it depends on the creature, but unless specifically Malevolent, no creature will harm you unless you give it cause. That said, this does not mean that they will be friendly to you if you are friendly to them. The best policy with creatures you do not completely understand is to simply leave them alone. Do not run under any circumstances, but simply walk slowly away. Curiosity in magical creatures can sometimes be more dangerous than outright animosity. They peck and prod and scratch at something new to get a sense of what it is, and you won't exactly be tough enough to resist that. So yes, they are quite dangerous, but they're not mean creatures. Non-magical creatures are much easier to understand, but because of that, they are sadly not quite as interesting. Unicorns, by the way, eat like a horse. They are herbivores, but only eat the best plants, and most succulent leaves."

He smiled again, happy with the questions provided. It really was just a young student who wanted to learn more. That was why he was here, and she was indeed very polite. Why would he not be pleased, given the circumstances. For now though, he would focus on answering her questions as best he could.

Ardis listened intently to the professor as he spoke. It made sense that most creatures weren't bad unless given the reason to be. And that their curiosity could be dangerous. Imagine a dragon that got curious about something that was five times smaller than itself. Things could very quickly go bad. She nodded at appropriate intervals. But the fact about the unicorn made her smile.

"It's sort of surprising that they would eat like a horse. But with higher standards." She laughed a little. "There was a flock of crows near my home. My father helped me research what I could feed them--not all the time, of course. Because that isn't healthy for wild animals. So I only fed them once or twice a week. But they brought me little trinkets. A stray earring, or a screw, or a pebble. They were very sweet." Ardis glanced down at her paper. "A-actually, I read that erm, that there was a study done, in America, with crows. Where scientists tested their intelligence by being mean to them while wearing masks. Eventually the crows caught on and realized masked people were mean, and they told their whole flock! So crows that had never even seen the masked men be rude to their friends knew to attack or avoid them! And if birds can be that intelligent, a hippogriff must be an absolute genius! Which sort of leads to my next question." She looked down at her paper again to make sure she got the wording right. "Will third years be able to do more erm, hands on things with hippogriffs? A-and if that is the case, until then, do you know any good books about hippogriffs? Or do you have an experience that sticks out to you about handling them?"

Griffith decided that he liked the little hufflepuff, and got slightly more comfortable in his chair. She told him an interesting story about crows. One that he had already heard, sure, but that didn't make it any less interesting. He was more interested in the fact that the story about crows was what she was interested in. The story with the crows that gave her little trinkets was nice as well. He'd had a few kids like that come through his doors, and it was a theory of his that crows gave them trinkets because the other crows told them that little kids were suckers for shiny stuff, but he kept that to himself.

She asked about hippogriffs next, which was a subject he was pretty knowledgeable on.

"Well yes, Hippogriffs are remarkably intelligent. A bit smarter than a dolphin, if I had to rank them on a scale. We might be going over them, yes. I am trying to fit each class to a schedule that works for them. If a class is being more immature, then we'd probably only talk about the creatures. But if the class if reasonably well behaved, we'd probably get more hands on time."

He paused to dig his hands around in his pockets a little before continuing.

"Well, there was this one time. Now, back in the day, when I was a young grasshopper, about 4, maybe 5 years older than you are now, I had a crush on this girl. She was pretty cute, and this one time she had put a bunch of worms in her hair and pretended to be medusa.

So I decided that I was going to surprise her with something so adorable she wouldn't be thinking straight, and then I could ask her on a date, that sort of thing. I was helping out the professor a little at the time, and was taking care of a real life hippogriff egg. I took care of that thing better than I took care of myself. The plan was to wait until it was almost ready to hatch, and then use that as the adorable thing, to set up the question.

I know you're probably rolling your eyes at younger me, but trust me, back then it really did seem like a good idea. So I marked the day it would hatch on my calendar, and when it came I rushed it over to her. Now, it didn't hatch, and I got worried that maybe it was having trouble. So I tried to knock a little hole in the shell, which, by the way, is something you should never do on your own.

It was then I realized I had grabbed the wrong egg out of the heated incubation closet. The one I had grabbed was not only rotten, but it had never had a baby hippogriff inside of it. And it exploded all over her, me, and the corridor. Never got the chance to ask her out, I assumed that her turning white, green and then red faster than a christmas tree was my cue to run for it.

I made it back to the shed, and there was the baby hippogriff. And yes, it was adorable. I hugged that thing and patted it dry for the next two hours while I was hiding. And for the rest of it's life it loved the smell of rotten eggs. Absolutely adored it. I guess that story was less about hippogriffs and more about me, but the point I was trying to make is that they're smart enough to connect things, and remember them forever. Like me being nice to it, and the smell of rotten eggs.

This can also work against you though. If, whenever it gets hurt, you're right there, it might associate you with pain. Did that work as an answer?"

Ardis was delighted at the story. She laughed when he said the girl he liked put worms in her hair and pretended to be Medusa. Her eyes lit up when he said he'd gotten to care for a real-life hippogriff egg. And he wanted to surprise her with it? That was cute!

A real-life hippogriff egg.

She listened to the story intently and laughed again at the mention of the egg exploding, but quickly returned to attention when he went into more detail about the hippogriffs. She had heard of animals behaving that way. Association, was it? Sort of like how she was cautious around the stove at home because she'd burned her hand once. Or how she thought of her great-great aunt whenever she smelled onion. Unlike the professor's hippogriff, she did not think of the bad smell fondly. Hopefully she was put in a good class when the time came for her to take Care of Magical Creatures.

"I'm sorry the girl didn't like the egg exploding. But at least you made a hippogriff friend!" Ardis glanced down at her paper once more. "Sorry, I just have a couple more. Erm, speaking about you, actually, what made you decide to become a professor instead of a erm... a... magizoologist?" That was a mouthful. "And... I-I know I'm young. But what are things I could do if I'm interested in magizoology?"

"Because, well, I can help more people this way, I think. Being a professor."

Lying to kids was hard, a lot harder than lying to adults. It almost felt like he was betraying them, or breaking their little kid hearts by lying about his reasoning. But there was no way he could tell her why he was here, what made him come to hogwarts. That was something that he would only discuss with himself, and even then only when he was very drunk. Which was practically never. Griffith didn't believe in alcohol, it forced your guard to go down.

"Study well, get good grades, be likable enough, and then get yourself an apprentice ship with a magizoologist, or someone who studies magical creatures. Something like that. Get a toe hold in the business that way, and then just maneuver until you find just the right spot. It'll come naturally to you once you start. Right now, just make sure you don't get into too much trouble, or maybe join R.O.A.M if you have time. Not much first years can do to directly influence magizoology as a career path, you'll have to wait a bit."

When was the last time a student had come in here asking good questions like these? He couldn't remember, which did little to help his overall faith in humanity.