A Step Back Solo Finished

Ileen closed her eyes and turned her face towards the sky. Fine snowflakes fell on her skin and melted immediately, some caught in her eyelashes and made the young Slytherin blink. Ileen was wearing her teddy coat and red bobble hat, but she had taken off her winter boots and socks and rolled up her jeans over her knee. This was also necessary since she was standing up to her calves in the icy water of the Great Lake, with three large round pebbles in each hand, which she had picked up on the shore.
She could no longer feel her toes and feet from the cold and gradually the numbness crept up her legs, but it won’t reach the spot where she actually wanted to fight the pain. She had mastered to shut this down for months now and it frustrated her that it had come back.

With a little sight she looked back down to her hands. The stones felt smooth and pleasant on the hand and she moved them restlessly back and forth. As always, when something bothered her, her hands needed something to do.
She knew why it had come back, she just had tried not to face it yet. Christmas came closer - the second Christmas in a row she won’t see her parents. Not that they had invited her home or anything. Not that she wanted to visit them. But still, there were so many students here who didn’t have their parents anymore, who had no choice but to stay at Hogwarts or to visit friends. She, Ileen, had the choice - at least theoretically.

She took one of the pebbles between her fingers, took a swing and threw it into the lake. It landed a few feet away from her, broke the surface with a splash, and sent a ring of waves splashing against her calves.
The young brunette didn’t flinch or shiver. She felt nothing after all, her legs were already too numb. What choice was it anyway she had? Her parents had lied to her, abandoned her and since they had returned to New Zealand they had shut down on her. Clearly they didn’t want her back, so why was she even struggling with the situation? She took the next stone and turned it between her fingers. The anger that was rising in her with these thoughts couldn’t chase away the lumb that had formed in her throat. Another thought from a book she had read popped in her head. Just because someone did hurt you doesn’t mean you can’t miss them.
Maybe that was true. Maybe she wanted them to miss her as well. If they had tried a little harder, maybe she would have returned to them. Maybe.

With a deep inhale she threw the other stones away and watched as they all set off their own waves. Or maybe she just needed to let go for good. Maybe…

For another moment she just stood there and took the scene in. The lake, the icy air, the snow, her own breath freezing into steam. Then she turned around and made her way back to the shore. When you couldn't feel your feet it wasn't that easy, but somehow she managed without falling. She wouldn’t look back. Not yet.