Pondering Parents PV Opeila Seilun Finished

The corridors were empty when Opeila decided to ignore the rules and walk through the castle. She felt like going outside and feel the cold winterwind once more. Also she could see the stars through her window and she was only too tempted to go and see them in real, not through some glass. She only time she had ever been stargazing was on a camping trip with her parents. The memory made her smile. On her way to the castle's main entrance she stopped. This was too risky, it would be only a matter of time until someone would find her. It wasn't evem dark in there, hardly any spots to hide if a teacher or prefect passed by. So the Slytherin turned around and went up the stairs. One stair. Two stairs. Three stairs. She went up to the top. She knew, she wasn't actually allowed to enter the Astronomy Tower but hey, one more broken rule wouldn't do any harm, right?
Opeila walked up the stairs to the Astronomy Tower. She pulled her scarf tighter when she could feel the cold wind.
She just reached the end of the stairs when she saw a person. She froze. Was it a teacher? A second later she sighed in relief. If that wasn't the rude boy from the abandoned toilets. "Burnett.", she said, surprised.

Startled at the sound of his name, Jack jerked around, only to see Opeila and exhale a sigh of relief. "Seilun," he answered with his regular, boyish grin. "Don't scare me like that. What if I fell off the tower?"

He looked from her to one of the astronomy telescopes. "You here to catch up on Astronomy homework? Or stargaze?" The boy turned back to his own view of the sky. "Or just as an escape? I think they start patrolling for curfew around this time, don't they?"

Jack sighed, readjusting his robes around him to ward off the cold. "Too bad first years aren't allowed their own brooms. We could go for a little joyride and they'd never even know we'd have been gone. Or even go camp in the forest or something." He turned to Opeila once more. "I know this place is big, but...do you ever get sick of it? Or miss home at all? Your house, your room, your pets, your family?"

Oops; he hadn't meant to start talking about that. It had just slipped out because it had been on his mind for so long. "Er, sorry," he apologized. "Those are kind of depressing questions. You don't have to answer them if you don't feel like it."

@Opeila Seilun

Opeila couldn't help but be amused about his at first startled expression. "Am I that scary?"
"You here to catch up on astronomy homework? Or stargaze? Or just as an escape? I think they start patrolling for curfew around this time, don't they?"
She walked towards the railing next to him, having to think about his question first.
"I don't know... a bit of all I guess." She looked at the sky. "You don't see them a lot in Cambridge... The city itself is too bright for their light to come through."
A smile appeared on her face when he started talking about the brooms. "Can you even ride a broom? As a first year muggle-born..." She paused before adding "'Cause I, being a halfblood, can't."

Opeila was more than surprised about Jack's questions. She didn't expect the so self-confident Slytherin to have thoughts like that but it also calmed her a lot. She wasn't the only one missing her home, surely he did as well, even though he didn't actually say it.
"No, it is fine. Actually I do miss them a lot. It is worst at night, mostly I just try not to think of it. But at the same time, my parents and our owl were the only ones keeping me home. There wasn't anything else for me. And my violin..." When mentioning the violin it seemed for a second as if she disappeared into some different world, before she caught herself again. She shook her head. "...You're not the only one.", she ended.

"Am I that scary?"

Jack made a show of looking the skinny, small-statured girl up and down. "Yup," he concluded. "Absolutely terrifying." Even so, he smirked when she came to stand next to him and didn't bother to protest.

"'A bit of all'?" he repeated musingly. "So you have astronomy homework to catch up on?" He understood what she meant about the stars and how light pollution kept one from seeing them in the larger cities, though. "Yeah...same in Cardiff. Capital of Wales and all."

The question about him being able to ride a broom caused him to cast her an indignant smile. "Are you making fun of me?" he inquired, though he only pretended to seem annoyed. "What, do all half-bloods and purebloods know how to ride a broom before they learn in school? I probably know at least as much as your average first year. I mean, how hard can it be?"

When Opeila confessed that, as a half-blood, she couldn't ride, Jack's brows shot up in astonishment. "Oh, really? Well, that's why we have classes for it, right? We can learn together. It'd be weird if they let underage wizards go around riding brooms in broad daylight without the proper training first. Come to think of it, maybe that's how muggles got the idea that witches ride brooms."

He put his elbow on the edge of the wall and rested his cheek against his palm as he listened to the Slytherin girl's answer about home.

"No, it is fine. Actually I do miss them a lot. It is worst at night, mostly I just try not to think of it. But at the same time, my parents and our owl were the only ones keeping me home. There wasn't anything else for me. And my violin..."

Pondering this, he wondered if that was part of the reason Opeila was wandering around the castle right before curfew. Perhaps she had just been trying to keep her mind off of missing home if night was when she got homesickness the worst.

"...You're not the only one."

Though Jack hadn't anticipated it, that one sentence comforted him more than he could have imaginged. Suddenly, he felt like he wanted to help Opeila the same way she had helped him. He was adamant about repaying his debts, after all.

"Do you write your parents a lot?" he asked, still staring at the sky. "And can't you keep your owl here? Or does it stay with your parents?" The mention of a violin caused him to look over. It hadn't occured to him that people might have been unable to bring or play instruments at Hogwarts. "Why don't you have your parents send you your violin? Aren't you allowed to have one here?"

@Opeila Seilun

Opeila smiled. "Ok, a bit of all, except the homework.", she said.
The smile turned into a very amused grin when he asked her if she was making fun of him. "Why would I ever make fun of you? Actually I was making fun of myself." The first question comes with a mocking tone.
His answer to her confession that she couldn't ride a broom made her laugh.  "Oh, really? Well, that's why we have classes for it, right? We can learn together. It'd be weird if they let underage wizards go around riding brooms in broad daylight without the proper training first. Come to think of it, maybe that's how muggles got the idea that witches ride brooms."
"The theory isn't even that bad", she said grinning, "but I doubt that. The whole ministry would have a heart attack if we were exposed by some child riding a broom."
"Do you write your parents a lot? And can't you keep your owl here? Or does it stay with your parents?", was his next question, following on her confessing that she missed her parents as well.
"No. I can't" Her answer came a little too fast and harsh. A somehow sad and at the same time bitter expression appeared on her face. The tone she said 'I can't' with, made very clear that she didn't mean that she was physically unable to write them.
"And it is a family owl. Hardin stays home. If I wanted to write them, I'd have to use one of the school owls."

"Why don't you have your parents send you your violin? Aren't you allowed to have one here?"
Opeila was already regretting that she mentioned the violin. Of course he would ask questions she wasn't too eager to answer. "It is... It is complicated. The reason for that is connected to a past that I don't really like to talk about." Her smile was completely gone by then.
"What about you? Do you write your parents a lot? Do you have siblings at home?"

@Jack Burnett

He chuckled at Opeila's mocking question, glad to know she shared his sense of humor. He hadn't met too many other Slytherin who seemed to have that. Jack nodded slowly at her comment about the Ministry of Magic having a heart attack, but he shrugged.

"Could have happened a long time ago," he suggested, referring to whatever event had triggered the rumor of wizardkind on broomsticks. "Maybe before they had laws against it. And maybe before wizards and witches did their best to hide from muggles."

The redhead was surprised to find that there was someing Opeila would be secretive about. When he began to ask about her parents, her answer was unusually curt. In his experience, most people were happy to talk about themselves all day long. Also, he had taken Opeila to be a rather open girl, but he supposed everyone had things they preferred to keep to themselves. This must have been one of hers.

It seemed the violin was another. Despite his immense curiosity on both subjects, Jack decided to respect her wishes and avoid asking more about it. "Well...if there's anything I can do to help, would you let me know?" he asked, his eyes sincere as he met hers. "I know the past can be pretty messed up, but it's no good if we can't learn from it and move on, right?"

Smirking slightly at what he took to be her attempt to change the subject, he turned back to their view, wondering what lay within the Forbidden Forest. "I write my parents often enough," he answered casually. "But I don't have any siblings. So it's kinda nice here because it's less lonely than just being at home."

He flinched, realizing he said a little more than he'd ment to. "Er...not that I get lonely easily. What I meant was it's more...entertaining being around so many other kids all the time. I've gotten pretty used to it, so I don't get homesick that often."

@Opeila Seilun

"Could have happened a long time ago. Maybe before they had laws against it. And maybe before wizards and witches did their best to hide from muggles."
Opeila thought about that before she nodded. "True. Could be.", she said smiling, looking at the stars that shone through a few thin clouds. She found the thought very amusing.

She could see his surprise when she wouldn't talk of her family.
"Well...if there's anything I can do to help, would you let me know? I know the past can be pretty messed up, but it's no good if we can't learn from it and move on, right?"
Now it was on her to be surprised. She didn't expect a help offer from this boy she barely knew- if it was meant to be an offer. "I don't know." Opeila looked at him, a little suspiciously. She had learned not to trust kindness and she had learned it the hard way. "Depending. Would you?", she answered with another question. She wasn't planning on telling him about her secrets her family was wrapped up in and she was surprised about that quiet voice in her head questioning that. She had no reason to trust this boy.
"Moving on is a little hard in my place.", she answered his second question. "It isn't over for me. I don't know if it ever will be." She really had to fight with herself for a moment, before she could add "Could you simply move on with your life, if you knew that your mother could die every day, because of her own stupid choice? A choice she made because of your existence? Well, I had to live with it my whole life." The last sentence came out by accident, only starting to talk about her mother made her incredibly angry. Her voice had become more aggressive with each word, but at the same time she sounded just hurt. It was only a short glimpse of the surface of her feelings she showed Jack and she already regret it. There was no reason for her to trust him and it made her even angrier that she said so much. She hated herself for the tears that started pooling in her eyes and aggressively she wiped them off with her hand. "I am behaving like this stupid Ravenclaw girl, aren't I?" Her voice sounded self-contemptuously. "Crying over some stupid note that fell out of her own stupid book. This isn't anything else after all. A note out of my own personal book."

"I write my parents often enough, but I don't have any siblings. So it's kinda nice here because it's less lonely than just being at home.
Er...not that I get lonely easily. What I meant was it's more...entertaining being around so many other kids all the time. I've gotten pretty used to it, so I don't get homesick that often."
Opeila chuckled a little, although she still had a bitter look in her eyes. She almost felt a little ashamed now, having lost control like this. "'The first answer is always the truth'. It is some german saying, I think.
I understand what you mean. Here we are with the same kind of people. Here it is easier to be accepted. And it messes with my believe that it is always bad to let other people get to know you closer. I've never had a friend who didn't let me down eventually."
Now she'd done it. The last few minutes she had outed herself as a complete mental wreck, in front of Jack Burnett, the first person, she felt somehow alike, at least they had a similar sense of humour. "Now you know the reason, why I miss home in some way. I am scared that something could happen to her while I am here. As for 'at night it's worst'... Not the homesickness is the worst then. At night it is so much harder not to hate her. Hate them both. It keeps me awake." She couldn't look at him. It felt like she opened a beautiful box for him that was all ugly and damaged inside.

"I don't know."

Jack blinked at her curiously. Don't know what?

"Depending. Would you?"

"I wouldn't have offered if I didn't mean it," he answered with an uneasy smile, sensing her trepidition. He couldn't blame her for it, either, being wary of kindness as he himself was. Still, he felt like he owed her for making him feel better, so at the very least, he wanted to repay that.

And then she seemed to open up to him. Jack drank in every word, knowing how difficult it could be to tell someone some truth about yourself, no matter how indirect. As he listened, he realized Opeila seemed to have been carrying a pretty heavy burden on her shoulders, especially for an 11-year-old.

The change that overcame the small girl astonished Jack. He realized she must have been keeping her secret to herself for quite some time and all those pent-up emotions must have taken its toll on her. This was only supported by the fact that her eyes began to fill with tears before she hurriedly wiped them away.

"You're not behaving like her," Jack protested when Opeila brought up the crying Ravenclaw from the bathroom. "I'm pretty sure that girl was doing that to get attention. You...you sound like this has been weighing on you for a while. And like you've been trying to shoulder all of it all by yourself."

He glanced at her curiously at the German saying she mentioned. She was sharp; that was for sure. He had to be more careful about what he said around her. Fortunately for him, she seemed to be understanding.

"Yeah...I've always felt that way, too," he agreed softly when she talked about letting people get to know you. "Knowledge is power. And to let someone know you...you never know when they might use it against you."

Jack shook his head. He didn't want to talk about this. Not friendships or being let down or anything of that nature. At first he had been making Opeila uncomfortable with the topics he had brought up, but now it seemed she was doing the same to him without even having realized it.

"You...want to hate them?" the redhead asked, knowing that feeling all too well. "But you can't?" He turned to look at Opeila as if seeing her for the first time. Then he sighed, realizing he was probably probing too much.

You're falling in too deep, Jack, he warned himself. You were only supposed to try to make her feel better to return the favor, remember?

Had he accomplished that task? He wasn't sure. But either way, he was worried that if they stayed outside like this for much longer, they would end up sharing much more than they meant to. Perhaps they already had.

"Sorry. Maybe...maybe we better go inside before we get caught out here after curfew," he suggested, turning toward the door. "But Opeila...thank you for telling me about what was bothering you," he said, his expression open and honest.

"For what it's worth, I don't think you should blame yourself. Your mother's choices on her own and you can't help existing. It's not your fault she did whatever she chose to do."

@Opeila Seilun

"I wouldn't have offered if I didn't mean it,"
"I know.", she said. "I meant if you would do the same. Tell me if you needed help."

She was thankful that Jack had listened to her. At home she hadn't felt taken serious when she was talking about her worries- after all, she was only an eleven years old schoolgirl. No one important.
Ashamed she had looked at the sky.
"You're not behaving like her. I'm pretty sure that girl was doing that to get attention. You...you sound like this has been weighing on you for a while. And like you've been trying to shoulder all of it all by yourself."
"Who could I've shared it with? This is nothing you carry around and tell everyone. I don't even know why I told you. And I swear you, if a word of what I told you leaves this place, I will kill you.", she said. Her voice had a joking tone in it, but she would get back at him, if he told someone. "But... thanks for understanding." It comforted her a lot that he didn't look at her like some freak.

"Yeah...I've always felt that way, too. Knowledge is power. And to let someone know you...you never know when they might use it against you."
Opeila nodded. "Are you one of those people? Using knowledge against others? I've met quite a few of them, some I would have never expected to be like that.", she said.

"You...want to hate them? But you can't?"
Opeila looked at him. "Could you hate your own parents? I can. And that is the problem. I don't want to hate them but they are making it really hard.
Hating them makes a lot of things easier. I am not that scared of my dad's next mood or my mom's next... experiment. But they are my parents." It made her sad thinking of it. "If I hate them, who do I have left? I don't want to be alone."

"Sorry. Maybe...maybe we better go inside before we get caught out here after curfew. But Opeila...thank you for telling me about what was bothering you.
For what it's worth, I don't think you should blame yourself. Your mother's choices on her own and you can't help existing. It's not your fault she did whatever she chose to do."
"I am not in the position to do anything about it anyway.
And thank you for listening. Jack."
She wondered what would become of this conversation. What would happen tomorrow, if they saw each other somewhere? Would it be Burnett and Seilun again?
One thing she knew: She liked this boy. She felt understood.