God, It's Brutal Out Here PV Marshal Locked

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Private thread with @Marshal Mozor
Date: 14 September 2020
Time: 8:45 a.m.
Hex Color: #FF4080

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Ana was in a foul mood. Granted, of late, that statement could apply to her the vast majority of the time, but that morning, her mood was particularly unpleasant. Whether or not she admitted it to herself, she was more shaken by that fight with that gossip the preceding week than she wanted to be. She wasn't someone who did things like that.

Spat cruel remarks? Absolutely.

Even the occasional slap or hex? Not unheard of.

But physically attacking someone as she had? That wasn't how she operated.

Finding out she was capable of such had been alarming and yet, despite the inner turmoil the encounter had brought about, despite the chasm it had opened between her and her best friend, she couldn't bring herself to say she regretted her actions. Perhaps it was to do with the fact that Ana simply wasn't built for regret. Once something had happened, it was over and done. She could learn from it or agonize over it, but she couldn't go back and change it. While she didn't regret it, she most definitely loathed herself for her behavior, meaning that she had sunk even deeper into the depths of despair than she had ever thought possible.

As if her teenage angst and refusal to deal with her parental issues were not enough, she also had barely slept in the past few days. True, she had always been quite the insomniac, but since her fight in the hall, her sleep had been even more scarce.

In short, Ana was crabby, even for her. After sulking into the Great Hall, sitting in the most isolated area she could find, and shooting murderous glares at anyone who came near her, she began to pick at her food. Truth be told, isolating herself had most definitely made everything worse. While her troubles in the past had been comparably minuscule to her current ones, her friends had been a consistent solace. Still, for her to feel less like she was drowning, to lessen her burden, someone else would have to share the weight and that was something she refused to ask of anyone. She was nearly crushed by holding it up, she couldn't do the same to someone she cared about.

Perhaps that wasn't the only reason she was doing what she was doing. If she pushed everyone away, she could convince herself it was her choice. If she was vulnerable and then rejected, however... Maybe it wasn't just her friends she was protecting, maybe it was herself as well. She would have been a fool to exit the past summer believing that anyone truly cared about another person or that she could depend on anyone other than herself.

She didn't enjoy the isolation. Beyond passing remarks in the hallways or in class, her only company was her thoughts, which were far from pleasant. She had had a handful of pleasant encounters in the past week, spots of light in her sea of darkness. Most of them had involved Quidditch or flying in some form or another.

Sighing, she picked at her toast. The entire contemplative, angsty weirdo thing was definitely not working for her. She wanted to scream her problems from the highest tower, to not keep everything bottled up anymore. It wasn't staying bottled very well, considering she was lashing out at nearly everyone over the smallest irritations, such as spilled ink or bumping into her. She couldn't share what was bothering her though. No matter how badly she might wish that she could.

Her thoughts were interrupted by something spilling into her lap. Without even looking to see what had spilled on her or who had spilled it, she felt her ire bubble over. "Do you traipse about the world deliberately emptying the contents of your breakfast on others or are you a complete and utter vacuous dullard that is unaware of how to conduct the most basic of tasks?" she demanded, her voice full of venom. Digging through her bag, she found her wand. She hadn't ruled out hexing whoever it was, but truthfully, she was just getting it out to clean herself off.