Dear ??? | Signed, Nightingale Open to 1 Closed

[font=Segoe Print]April 26th, 2020.

Dear Nightingale,

Have you ever felt angry?

Have you ever felt angry? Not simple anger. Not that frustration you feel when someone makes a petty mistake. It's something bigger than that. Have you ever been so fecking furious that all you can see, hear and taste is red?

Has there every been a time where you started hating the people around you?

I've always wanted to try Geocaching. I think my home city would be perfect for it. We're a tourist hub, you see. People come from all around the country to bathe in our beaches and lay on our sand. The faces I passed day after day were always on their own adventure. Maybe nothing as exciting as Geocaching. Instead, they're experiencing my city for the first time. I have always wondered what that would be like. I'm too young to remember stepping off the plane and into my new home. In fact, I probably couldn't even walk back then. Swaddled and cooing, I entered my city, but I never got the chance that these tourists have. Maybe Geocaching could replicate that for me? But I know the city like the back of my hand. I could even draw it for you right now, on this piece of parchment. I could never know what the tourists feel.

I suppose that's what Hogwarts is for. I'm old enough to remember my first experience with this place. Old enough to remember the excitement of leaving my parents behind on the train platform. Old enough to remember sailing across the Great Lake and catching sight of the magnificent castle looming over us all. Old enough to remember staring up at the ceiling for most of the Sorting Ceremony, entranced by the candles. Old enough to remember being jolted into the present when my name was called up. Old enough to remember the cheers erupting when I was sorted. Old enough to remember my first classes, learning about actual magic that I could only dream about or imagine while playing my stupid dumb stupid games.

So why is it when I try to remember these things, all I feel is anger?

Nightingale, have you found any treasures around the castle? Is that why you left this letter? Are you amassing the perfect group of heroes to join in on your mysterious adventure?

Ugh, I play used to play played play too much D&D.

Why did I reach into the knot of this tree? I'm looking for an adventure, that's why. No, not a guns blazing, swashbuckling adventure. I just want a friend. A simple adventure would do. Geocaching around Hogwarts? Now that sounds fun. But if someone starts that trend, I probably won't show up.

I'm afraid of adventure, though. I don't know why and I don't know how to get over that feeling. I want someone's help, but if someone offers me help, I'm not gonna take it. All I do is push people away and I can't stop. I don't know how to stop.

So I guess my question to you, Nightingale, is how do you think one would go about getting over that fear?

Help me,
Captain Kirk.
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Found: May 17th, 2020
Planted: May 22nd, 2020
Addressed: To Captain Kirk @Calanthe Choi
Location: Hidden in a partially hollowed knot of a tree near the Great Lake

Dear Captain Kirk,

First of all, I'm sorry it took a while to write back. After what happened at the not-so-Secret Blossom Ball… I find it difficult to get out of the castle. Or come anywhere near the Forest for that matter. So I hope you can forgive the delayed reply.

Your city sounds lovely. There was a beach near to where I used to live in my home country. It wasn't anything terribly exciting, though. We didn't have people coming from all over to bathe in the sea there, or lay on our sand. And the sand often had sharp rocks or broken shells in it. It wasn't the fine white sand that a lot of tourist destinations have. But it was quiet, and it was home. I always found the lapping of the waves against the tidal breaks to be relaxing. I'd go there sometimes with my horse and just lay down to bathe in the sun while she grazed nearby.

Where is your city? And I think I get where you're coming from with that thought of wishing you could experience your city with the same eyes and excitement as every tourist that comes there. I live nearby lived nearby, that is, to somewhere similar. My mother tells me that it's a very common location for movie sets as well. She used to tell me that it was important to know the history of where you're from, though, and that there was a "certain charm to exploring your own home". So we used to pretend to be just that. Tourists. She would call them our Little Backyard Adventures. We'd go to tourist sites and look up the city nearby, find all those spots that any normal visitor would come see and go spend a day in their shoes. And then put away all maps or plans and just walk around, following wherever our whims took us, to see what "hidden gems", as she called them, we could find. Like little diners or quaint stores that you wouldn't even notice usually.

Hogwarts is…something, though, isn't it? It was so surreal for the longest time. I was pretty sure it was all some sort of cultish hoax after the old Flying Professor delivered my letter. Even walking through Diagon Alley with her to get my school things seemed like some sort of elaborate prank. Or maybe some sort of immersive theme park like Disney Land or those heritage parks where all the workers there are playing a role to try to make it seem like it was this pocket dimension. I barely remember the trip on the Hogwarts' Express. It didn't really feel much different than any other time I took a train to boarding school. It wasn't until I was crossing the lake and the castle really came into view that it hit me, I don't think. Even then, everything just seemed… so far away? If that makes sense? Like I could try and try and try but never reach it.

I was finally getting used to it, though, I think. Especially after finally getting the hang of casting and feeling like maybe I wasn't a mistake being brought here after all. But then… I don't know. Now I'm not so sure. Maybe I'm not a mistake, but maybe it was a mistake to come here. The ball was a complete disaster. I was so scared. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and smell smoke or feel like I've been singed. Or I snap awake feeling like I'm falling after being thrown from a broom by an attacking mosp. That's not normal. For something like this to happen. And then that boy and girl that got burned alive. And so many people just running around like they didn't even care. Is this what magic does to people? Does it turn you into some sort of mindless, stupid kid that acts without thinking or any care about how it might affect other people? Because I don't think I want to be a part of that. Not really.

I used to think I did. It's nothing like what I thought it would be, though. I mean, I guess that might not be true. There's a lot of work involved, like how a wizard has to spend time to prepare their spells. And you do have verbal and somatic components with the wand movement just like most spells. Not so much material, but I guess that's covered by potions. But the games make it sound like it would be smoother in a way. More fool proof. Spells don't really fail on you. The rules are clear. The outcomes can be determined ahead of time with a bit of thought. It's not like that here, though.

But anyway… You probably don't want to hear me ranting and venting. It's kind of nice to be able to just write it all out without having to worry about who I'm telling, though. But to answer your question, no, not really. Well, I suppose that's not really true either. I've found a few secret passages. Those are treasures in my eyes, plus it makes getting around the labyrinth of corridors a little easier. I can't say that's why I left the first letter here, though. To be honest, it was part of that errand thing that the teachers had set up to write something nice to someone. It thought it would be neat for someone to find a random note of good wishes. An easter egg of sorts like those random little things you can find in games that don't actually have any impact on the story itself but kind of make your day when you discover one, you know? I like the idea of Geocaching around Hogwarts, though. Maybe that's something that could be done. A club that tasks itself with leaving little tokens in random little nooks for other students to find. Something simple to brighten people's days.

But… I don't know how to answer that last question. Honestly, it's probably a healthy fear to have, to be afraid of adventure. Adventure comes with risk. Nothing is ever perfectly safe, and the fear is what makes you take your time and "exercise caution", as Mother always says. But sometimes you just have to take that step anyway. People think that being courageous means having no fear and being able to just go. But that's called reckless abandon and it's dangerous. Having courage means acting even though you're scared. So if you're wanting to be more like a Gryffindor, I think you have to own the fear first. But…is this not a sort of adventure? You already took the first step. You reached your hand into a tree and found something in that unknown. That's all you really can do. Take a step. And then another.

And I mean, you're Captain Kirk, right? So… boldly go where none have gone before.

Not sure if that helps?
Nightingale

[font=Segoe Print]June 13th, 2020.

Dear Nightingale, @Evelynn Decipio

It’s fine. I can relate to not getting out of the castle much, though not for the same reasons as you. It took me a while to gain the courage to come searching for your letter. I’m not so sure what I was afraid of, but I’m thinking of pushing myself to be less fearful of what the world has to offer.

I live in the south. Brighton to be exact. I love it dearly and I would never choose to give it up for life elsewhere. Even after my short trips in London, I can confidently say that Brighton is the best place in the world. I suppose its unfair, since I’ve only been to one other country, but I haven’t yet seen any evidence that would suggest otherwise. Still though, your beach sounds wonderful. From the way you described it, I can imagine the shore being a quiet place for contemplation. I love the bustling of Brighton, but a quiet beach is something I would love to visit or even live near. We don’t get many horses in Brighton either, so riding one near the water would be a new experience for me. Well, riding a horse, specifically, would be a new experience. Do you have a close bond with your horse? I’ve always wondered what it would be like to share a relationship with an animal. I think I should convince my parents to get me one to bring to Hogwarts. I think I should start saving my own money to buy one to bring here.

Your mother sounds so amazing. I wish I could be that close with my own mother. In fact, I got along with my father much more. We had similar interests, you see. My fondness for tabletop games, videogames and reading all came from him. We could talk about anything. He was like a best friend and a father all wrapped into one. I also owe my in-depth knowledge of Brighton to him as he loved taking me around the city to explore, much like you and your mother did. We would walk for what felt like hours in the comfort of each other. Now I don’t see much of him anymore. My mother introduced me to movies, my first love, but her job kept her more occupied than my father. These days, I don’t talk to her much either. I’m glad that you and your mother are so close. A month ago, I would have told you to not trust her. A parent that close with their kid must be hiding something and you’ve got to figure out what it is. Today, I see things differently. The happenings in my life are completely different from yours, so I beg you, hold on to your mother. Never let her go.

Am I wrong in assuming that you’re muddle moogle muggle-born? Or you’ve at least spent most of your life in the muggle world, right? I relate to your expectations and experiences at Hogwarts. Honestly, it sounded too good to be true to me. Just like a fantasy adventure. I was also sure that I was facing an elaborate prank, one set up by my parents for me to get over everything that happened. If I had come here with a more open mind, I think it would have been the best thing to ever happen to me. A real-life game. I hate that I can’t be excited about it. Though, failing a spell can surely happen in one of those games. How badly it fails all rests on the shoulders of the dungeon master. My father was a benevolent one. If he was telling this story of our time at Hogwarts, it would have been a much happier experience for me. Of course, there’s no real-life danger to those games.

I’ve only heard stories of the ball through the grapevine. I was there, but I was able to escape quickly thanks to some kind soul with a broom. I had no idea that things got so bad. I’m so sorry that you had to experience it all. But I also heard that when the teachers came in, everything was taken care of. The students were saved and I don’t think anything about detention came up. Listen, I really understand what it feels like to think that being here is a mistake. I’m trying to see things in a better light, but I still feel like it was a gigantic mistake to enroll. Or just that I’m a mistake. But we’re in this school for seven years, right? One day, all those kids you saw running around, ignoring people in danger and acting impulsively? One day they’re going to be just like the teachers. Skilled, patient and mindful. It’s all a part of growing up. Magic adds greater stakes, but we’ll be okay in the end. I believe that. I have to.

Please, don’t be sorry for writing what you need to! I don’t know how you’re going to take this, but I like reading about it. Since coming to Hogwarts, it seemed like I was the only one with problems. I knew that couldn’t be true, but everyone laughed all the time. They made friends so easily. They go on adventures together. They protect each other. I felt so alone. My issues consumed me to the point where I pushed away everyone that tried to befriend me. Reading your letter has given me insight. It makes me more aware that others are facing their own problems and I shouldn’t be too quick to say someone has it easy.

Oh, I remember that errand. I wanted to join. The rewards sounded pleasing. But I didn’t have anyone to write to, so I skipped. I should have taken a page from your book and left letters around the school. I love the idea of leaving easter eggs in real life. I guess it’s good that I didn’t though. Back then, I’m sure I would have filled those letters with really mean things.

Now I’m realizing that adventure itself wasn’t what I was afraid of. I was scared of a lot of other things that prevented me from going on adventures. I’m scared of getting close to people. I’m scared of being judged by people. I left home in a bad way and if my mother heard I was ‘adventuring’ she would probably think I was happy to be here. But that’s the last thing I want her to think – or wanted her to think, maybe. I don’t know. I’ve just been a mess of emotions for this entire year and I want to be able to enjoy myself here, so I’m trying to stop getting worked up over every little thing. It’s too late to go adventuring this year because I think I’m still scared. But next year, I’ll try. I don’t know if you ever want to meet me, and I don’t know if I ever want to meet you, but in the case that we do happen to cross paths in real life, I hope you’ll show me those secret passages you found. That sounds like a fun time and they would probably make for a great hiding place if things get too overwhelming.

And apologies for how messy my first letter was. There were many dark clouds over my head around that time and while the thunderstorms have not gone away, I can finally see a little sunlight peeking through. I can’t give you all the credit, Nightingale, but your words definitely played a part in that. Feel free to write to me with any problems you might have. If you want to reach me in August, you can send your owl to the Brighton Palace Pier.

Thank you and I will try to go boldly,
Captain Kirk.
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[font=century gothic]LETTER FOUND: June 18th, 2020
PLANTED: June 18th, 2020 (before the announcement by faculty)
ADDRESSED: To Captain Kirk @Calanthe Choi
LOCATION: Hidden in a partially hollowed knot of a tree near the Great Lake[/font]

Dear Captain Kirk,

I'll admit, I was a bit surprised to find your letter. I checked the tree every day for about a week and a half after I left my last one, and thought maybe you'd stopped coming. Especially since my own letter was always still there. I stopped leaving the castle for a while after that. Not because you hadn't written back, though. Just.. Other things. And then exams and end of term putting pressure on getting in all those final assignments and starting studying. There wasn't a lot of time. But it was a nice day out today, so I thought I would study by the lake, and checked the tree on my way to my spot. And your letter was there! I actually thought I was mistaken at first. I'm glad you found your courage. : )

Brighton sounds lovely. I've never really been to the South of England. Or really much anywhere in England aside from London and where I live. There's something about being on the coast, I think. A lot of people seem to like the trees and mountains. They're nice and all, but I've always felt most at ease when I can smell salt on the breeze. And I do! Honestly, I think that's been the most difficult thing about coming to Hogwarts. Or even of coming to England at all. After my first year here, my mother started sending me to boarding school for whatever reason. I think she was dissatisfied with the education I was getting previously. Or maybe she just didn't want to have to worry about me being home alone. I'm not sure.

Anyway, it's hard being away from Cassie. That's my horse. Cassiopeia. We used to go riding every day. Now it's just at holidays. I'm excited to see her again. Two weeks! I wish the school had a stable where we could bring our horses. But it's nice that they allow us to have pets here at all. I've never been to a school before that did. Do you know what sort of animal you would want to get? I'm thinking of asking my mother for an owl, especially since that way I wouldn't have to go to the owlery have to rely on the school owls and could also send mail over the holidays.

My mother's okay, I guess. I don't know. We've been fighting a bit ever since I came to Hogwarts. It got a bit better over the Winter holidays. Sort of, anyway. Not she just doesn't talk about what it was that we were fighting over. I can't say that I can relate much to your relationship with your father, though. I've never had one. It's always just been me and my mother. When we were back at my old country, there were my grandparents as well, but we didn't live with them. But I think you and I have switched spots a bit over the last two months. I mean.. It's not that I can't trust my mother. I know she wants the best for me and I can rely on her to keep me fed and clothed and all that. But I don't think I can trust her enough to tell her things anymore. Not with things about here, anyway. Which bothers me quite a bit.

You're not wrong. I don't like to admit it, but I've spent for as long as I can remember in the muggle world. She didn't agree with me coming to Hogwarts. It surprised me quite a lot, actually. Like you, I grew up playing D&D. Is that one of the ones you played? My mother likes to be the DM. She's kind of obsessed with fantasy, actually, so I thought this would almost be like a dream come true for her, you know? Like, her kid is a witch! Crazy exciting! Magic is real! As it turns out, though, it really scared her. "Fantasy is called fantasy for a reason. To bring it into reality is to introduce a danger the world can't possibly manage." I thought she was over-exaggerating and over-reacting. It was fun and exciting. An adventure of its own, like you said. But I think I understand her now.

Sorry if this is a bit of what I've already said. I can't really remember everything I wrote to you in my last letter.

I'm glad you were able to escape the ball. It was better to have gotten out sooner than later. It was a mistake. A huge mistake. Honestly, I'm surprised that there wasn't any kind of detention if that's really the case. And… I'll admit.. I'm glad I'm not the only one that feels that way. That coming here might have been another mistake. I talked to a couple of the teachers about it not long ago, but I'm still not sure how I feel. I'm glad the summer is just about here, though. I'm hoping that it will be a nice break from it all and a chance to try to make sense of everything that's happened. I'm not even all that upset that we can't use magic over the summer. I hope you're right, though. That we'll all be okay in the end. Some of the other students seem to think so, too. But.. I don't know. I guess that's what the summer is for.

You know.. It's kind of nice that the letters have been helpful for you. Even if this is sort of me just venting at this point and writing into the void to a faceless someone, it's comforting to know that I'm helping in at least some way. I usually feel like I can't do anything at all. So it's.. Nice. I get what you mean here, too. Everyone, or at least most everyone, seems to go around like they're living a different life. Sometimes it's like there are overlapping planes of existence here. One where all the bad stuff happens and people are aware of it, and another where people go about their daily school lives like nothing's happening. I really don't get it. It's those people that sometimes make me feel like I'm over-reacting. But then, how? I'm not sure how anyone could just carry on as though what happens around the school is normal and expected. You're definitely not the only one that feels alone, though. I don't think I've been pushing people away, but I've definitely been having trouble making friends. I'm trying to do better. But sometimes it feels kind of fake. Like I'm having to make myself act in a certain way just so that people will think I'm worth being friendly to.

And you can always write to me. Even over the summer. If you wanted to, anyway. It's been nice writing to you. I mean, I know you included an address in your last letter, but I don't want to assume too much? I don't know if this can count as getting close, but maybe it's a start? I'm not sure how I feel about meeting, though. At least I'm not sure right now. I've been trying not to tell anyone about certain things that I've told you. I'm a bit afraid of telling you who I am. I've worked really hard to try to earn everyone's respect, and I'm scared about people losing faith in me if they know how uncertain I am about things. Sorry. I hope that's not offensive. It's just.. I don't know. Maybe I'll feel differently after the summer.

Flying low,
Nightingale

[font=Segoe Print]June 29th, 2020.

Dear Nightingale, @Evelynn Decipio

I’m sorry for taking so long to reply. For the entirety of June, I’ve been keeping my head in the books. I’m not exactly a good student – not currently, at least – but I really wanted to do well in the final exams. Call it an epiphany or whatever. While I was fine failing homework and such, I just couldn’t bring myself to flunk the finals. Ever since our exams have ended, I’ve been busy freaking out about the fact that I could possibly fail. I think I’m over it now, though. Maybe. I just have to do better next year. If there is a next year. Can we be held back at Hogwarts? I’m thinking that might be a possibility for me.

I love it all. The coast, the mountains, the city. I’m not overly picky about where I stay. But you’re right. There’s really something about the coast that’s just special. I don’t know if it’s because I’m biased or not, but there’s no way I could choose anywhere over the sight of the ocean. Your old home sounds like a quiet place, but I think you’d enjoy Brighton. During the off-season, the beaches are calmer than usual, and you’d definitely get your fix of salty air. I’d also recommend Southwold or Shanklin if you’re itching for a road trip. It’s nothing compared to Brighton, I’ve heard, but the vibe is the same.

Cassiopeia is a pretty name. I think I heard it mentioned in Astronomy, but I’m not sure. Even after I decided to study up, I struggled with that subject. Gosh, it would be amazing to ride across this landscape, wouldn’t it? I’m usually looking at it from the Astronomy Tower windows, but I can imagine how amazing it would be to take your horse out for a spin. You could head to Hogsmeade on your own, ahah! I thought it would feel like freedom to come here, but it’s not like that at all. I guess it makes sense. We’re only kids, after all. But the feeling of just trekking across the highlands – unbeatable.

I wish I could bring a dog. It would be just like having a best friend. A cat would do nicely, but I think I wouldn’t like their reserved nature. Too much like me. I get the owl struggle, even though I don’t really send letters home. But if I did, relying on the school owls wouldn’t make me feel good. I bet they’re pretty overworked. Owls are pretty, though. I think it would suit you well.

Your mother sent you to boarding school for the summer? Or was this before Hogwarts? I’m sorry that your relationship is strained. I think we’re in pretty similar positions, though. When my family and I found out that I was a witch, it unearthed some long-kept secrets of my mother’s past. Now I think my family’s bond is beyond repair. I haven’t heard from my father in months and while I’ll probably see my mother everyday over the summer, I doubt I’ll pluck up the courage to speak with her. I don’t want to speak with her. I can’t help but think that she ruined everything. But I think its good that both our mothers can still take care of us at the end of the day. A lot of people aren’t that lucky.

My mother was never my confident. She was amazing and I loved watching movies with her, but I could always talk to my father. It sounds like your mother and my father are pretty similar. He’s big into fantasy too and yes, D&D is our favourite game. We used to make up our own Star Trek games before they released an official one. But once my father found out about me, he bolted. I blame him, but I don’t. It’s confusing. I think he would have liked all this magic stuff if he stuck around, but I guess I’ll never know. If this question is too personal, please ignore it. Have you ever felt like your life was better or worse growing up without a father? I don’t think I’ll ever see mine again. He was a big part of my life and now he’s just gone. I don’t know how to deal with it.

I wish I could have stayed and fought at the ball, though. Maybe it’s the fantasy nerd in me speaking, but to leave so quickly felt cowardly. I felt like I was being my dad and I don’t like that one bit. Still, I know it’s better for me to have escaped. It’s probably insensitive to those who were injured to want to fight. I bet there are others who don’t feel like they belong here, but they’re just hiding under their happy guises. I don’t blame them for keeping it hidden, but I do wish I didn’t feel so alone in my thinking and it’s nice to know that I’m not actually alone.

I get what you’re saying about the overlapping planes of existence. It’s crazy to see people suffering from the ball go straight into exam mode. It’s sad to admit that I’m one of those people. I guess it might be a coping mechanism to them, but during finals week it felt like the ball had never happened. If this is what the magical world supposed to be like, maybe I get your mother’s apprehension, just a little bit.

I’m not sure if “acting fake” is the best way to go about making friends, but it’s definitely better than moping around like I do. You’re trying and I really admire that. And hey, you’re bound to meet those few people you can just be yourself with. They’ll come along sooner or later. In fact, I really enjoy writing to you. It feels like I’m letting out all my frustrations into the void, but I know there’s another living, breathing person at the other end which makes me feel a lot less alone. It’s okay that you don’t want to meet, and I get that you have a lot to lose. I’m not sure I’m ready for that either because you’re the first person I’ve told any of these things to. Not even my family knows how I feel. I’m just glad to be able to talk to you in some capacity.

You’re not assuming too much. Write to me any time you want over the summer. Whether things get worse with your mum or better, I’ll be here to listen.

Set phasers to send us home,
Captain Kirk. [/font]

[font=century gothic]LETTER FOUND: June 30th, 2020
MAILED: July 2nd, 2020 to the given address
ADDRESSED: To Captain Kirk @Calanthe Choi
[/font]

Dear Captain Kirk,

Really, it's all right. I think the nice thing about these letters is that there isn't really any sort of expectation. Not really. I check regularly for a reply, but I think that's partly just because doing so takes no effort at all. I pass by the tree nearly every day as part of my routine. So you can reply as quickly as you'd like to. Please don't be sorry. Besides, if focus is what you've been needing in order to study for the exams, then that's a better use of time anyway. They must all be done for you now, though? So congratulations on that, at least! I'm sure you'll do okay, though. It sounds like you took your studying seriously. Perhaps next year, if you're still struggling, though, I could help put you in touch with some people who might help you with your homework. If you're interested?

I was hoping to get this letter written and delivered to the stash before the end of school, but I've only just found it today (the 30th), and we're already leaving tomorrow. So, I'm going to try to send this to the address you gave me. I hope that's alright. Even then, I'm not sure when you'll get it. Are you going to camp? If you are, you're not likely to receive this until you return, so I hope you don't think that I forgot or didn't get your letter. Because I certainly did. I would have liked to have attended, myself—camp, that is—but I won't be. My mother seems to be dissatisfied with the level of education provided here at Hogwarts and is insisting on some supplemental learning. So that's how I am to be spending my summer.

And thank you. About Cassie. Yes, it's one of the constellations, but she's named after the Greek goddess, specifically. Or was she a queen? Anyway, I think the constellation is as well. Everything in the skies seems to be named after some sort of Greek or Roman figure. I agree, though. I'd love to be able to take her on a ride across the grounds. It would be so freeing. We have a decent amount of land back home, but it wouldn't be the same as going through a forested landscape without boundary. I suppose flying will have to suffice for now. A dog would be nice too. I used to have a dog. I can't recall if I mentioned that or not already. But my mother works too long of hours, and I'm away at boarding school more often than not, so it's just not possible. What sort of dog would you want? (Oh, I did go to boarding school before Hogwarts for several years. This summer, my education will be at home, I think).

Do you really think so, though, about the owl suiting me well? I'll admit, that made me laugh just a little bit. What makes someone suited to have an owl as a pet? It truly would be nice, though. I don't think it would help in this instance—at school anyway—since I wouldn't know who to have the owl deliver these letters to, but it would make writing to you over the summer much easier. I don't know if I will have access to one, though, so I might have to rely on the old-fashioned muggle means of mailing.

I'm sorry to hear about your family, though. That sounds rather frightening. It must be really hard not to have heard from your father in so long. If you don't mind me asking, though, what is it that happened? I mean… something from your mother's past shouldn't impact how your family sees you, really, should it? That seems very unfair. And… I dunno. Maybe it's not my place to say anything. But with the rest of your family already pulling back, it would be sad if you couldn't make up with your mother. That's frustrating, though. Your father's reaction seems to be similar to my mother's. I don't know if she would have 'bolted' as you said. Maybe. I just don't think it was an option since she's the only one here. It does, though, sound like your father and my mother are similar. She came around, though. Perhaps your father might as well once he's had time to really think about it all?

As for your question, I don't think it's too personal. I'm just not really sure how to answer it. I don't think I've really given it a terribly large amount of thought. Men don't really have much of a presence in my family to begin with. Both my grandmother and my great-gran were also single mothers. There just aren't many male figures in my family. I think my uncle is the only one, really. So I don't know if it was better or worse without my father. I don't really have anything to compare to. But I know that my uncle does everything he can for my cousins. I don't think anyone can really just leave their kids forever. Especially not when they've had a relationship like you and your father seemed to have had. You could try writing to him, maybe?

I also don't think you should feel cowardly for having left the ball. I can understand the desire to fight, though. Part of me wanted to stay and fight as well. To do what I could to protect everyone. But at some point, you might become the one that needs saving, so then are you really helping by staying? I only stayed long enough until the Professors started showing up, then left as quickly as I could to be one less person for them to worry about. Maybe if I felt more confident in my casting, I might have stayed. Or maybe if I hadn't needed to take someone to the Hospital Wing with their injuries.

One thing, though, that I've come to accept, I think anyway, is that there's no running from this sort of thing. According to many, this is normal. I still don't know how to feel about expecting these kinds of dangerous things to be happening. But if it is, it's not going to stop by walking away. For better or worse, we're in this world now. Walking away will just mean losing the control and giving the advantage to anything else that still might want to draw us into the trouble. We have to stay at school. Keep learning. Continue practising and honing our skills and mastering everything in order to give the best chance to survive.

Anyway, this ended up being a bit longer and more rambling than I meant for it and I'm running out of parchment, so I'm going to wrap this up. I hope your train ride was alright, and that you've made it home okay. I'm including an address that you can send letters to. It's a public location, a business, but it's somewhere my mother still has packages sent to on occasion for her work, so I should get any mail that's addressed to me. I'll let her know to keep an eye out for anything addressed to Nightingale.

All the best,
Nightingale

[font=Segoe Print]August 25th, 2020

Dear Nightingale, @Evelynn Decipio

I’m happy we can establish that there’s no expectation here, because my mood switches really quickly. Sometimes, I find your letter and I’m excited to sit down and write to you, but then I get back to the dorms and all I want to do is crawl back under the covers and hide. Maybe it's’ just the dorms making me feel that way, and I should be heading straight to the library so I don’t flip immediately. But the same thing happened when I arrived home. I got out of bed for the first time since the summer camp and got the letter, but as soon as I returned to the house, I just didn’t want to think about anything anymore.

I would enjoy some help with the school work, to be honest. After cramming it all, I didn’t expect that I would like the content so much. Things like Transfiguration and Astronomy are a bit harder to understand, but in general, I would just like someone to study with and keep me in check. And it would force me to be a bit social for once. I don’t know if you’d be able to connect me with such a person though, ahah.

Summer camp was horrible, by the way. For me, of course. I don’t know why, but I just find it so hard to go out and talk to people. I’ve never been this way. Before Hogwarts, people of all walks of life passed through my house and I’m sure many of them would have been annoyed by a little girl like me up in their business, but I always loved talking to them. Now, it’s practically impossible. Worse even, because these are my own peers. I could barely muster up the motivation to leave the tent at the summer camp. The Quidditch match ended up being fun, though. I forced myself to talk to a few people there, but I know if I see them again I won’t be able to say hi. How do people even do that? Gods, I don’t even know how to operate anymore.

Supplemental learning? Maths, science, and the like? I’m reaching here, but I guess that makes a little bit of sense. We’re not learning these things in Hogwarts, so I see why she’d want you to brush up on those things in the case that you decide to spend your life in the real world outside of this magic world. Unless she’s gotten magic tutors for you? I’m interested to know more.

My own name is Greek, I think. As is my father’s. In fact, I think my dad’s name means “two-faced”, which is ironic. Or, the god he’s named after has two faces or something like that. I wish we could find a way to sneak Cassie onto the grounds for you, but a horse would definitely be a bit of a struggle. About the owl, I just have an idea of them as tranquil and wise creatures. That kind of image suits you in my eyes. Or maybe owls are just a bit mysterious and since I have no idea who you are, you’re mysterious too.

I’ve always dreamt about having land, though. Or just a big backyard. We live closer to the hub of the city, so space is pretty limited. I used to enjoy the coziness of it all, but now my home just makes me feel sad. And it would be a terrible place for a big dog, I think. I’m not sure about the breeds, but I would definitely want a big one. I’m quite small and I don’t see myself getting very tall. Something about bigger dogs makes me feel protected. Thanks to Hogwarts, I might just stick to an owl. At least it would be useful, if I actually had anyone to send letters to. Other than you.

I’ve never really told anyone this before. But I haven’t gotten close with anyone since it all went down, so maybe that’s the reason. The short version is that after I started showing signs of magic, my mother told my father that she was unfaithful around the time that I would have been conceived. She’s just a normal human, so she didn’t really know about half-bloods. She managed to get in contact with the guy and one DNA test later, it was confirmed that my father wasn’t actually my father. It didn’t matter to me though. He raised me so he’s my dad. But that wasn’t enough for him, I guess. I don’t think he ran from me, but from my mother.

It really is so terribly unfair. He’s the one person I actually want to talk to. The person that I’m sure will make all these bad things I’m feeling go far away. And yet he hasn’t contacted me once. I’ve always seen him as someone who’s so secure in their maturity, that they don’t mind being a little childish from time to time, when it's fun to do so. I guess I was wrong about that and he might have been mostly immature and just really good at hiding it. I don’t know. I can’t even write to him, because I don’t know where he’s staying. I bet he’s still going to work, but I’m scared to show up there out of the blue. I don’t know what his reaction will be like and I’m terrified of it. [/font]

[font=Segoe Print]I had to take a break after writing that all out. Never really been able to express how I felt, talking or otherwise. I still don’t know how I’m feeling after it. Sorry to unload it on you. Feel free to ignore it if it makes you uncomfortable. You’re right, though. I should make up with my mother. But I don’t want to, at the same time. Whenever I look at her, I feel things that no one else should feel. I’m angry and I’m sad and I’m pretty sure this is what’s preventing me from being the way I used to. And I can’t get past it.

I like the way you put it, about the ball. I do wish that I was braver or more confident in my abilities to stick around and help keep people safe. But you’re right, another kid in there who doesn’t know what they’re doing will cause more damage than remedy. That makes me feel a little better, at least. And all we really can do is study up, in case something like this happens again. With the way things go at Hogwarts, I don’t think that day is very far.

How did your summer go, though? Was the supplemental learning as boring as it sounded? Did you get to spend lots of time with Cassie? I know it’s almost over, but I’m not sure if I would rather stay here in this heavy house, or go back to Hogwarts where I’m just as defeated. But I hope everything is going well for you. I should get to packing.

Energise,
Captain Kirk.
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[font=century gothic]LETTER RECEIVED: August 30th, 2020
MAILED: August 30th to the Leaky Cauldron by owl post, and a second copy taken with Evelynn to be left in the tree by the lake September 2nd
ADDRESSED: To Captain Kirk @Calanthe Choi
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Dear Captain Kirk,

Goodness, I will admit, this came as rather a surprise to get your letter. It's been almost two months, and I thought for sure that you'd changed your mind or that you were perhaps just too busy over the summer and having too much fun to remember our letters. I'm sorry to hear about how you've been feeling, though. To be excited to respond (or maybe just energetic in general?) one moment, and then have a full turn-around the next...that sounds very dizzying, really. I think I understand a bit when you say you sometimes just don't want to think about anything anymore, though. The school year was rather overwhelming at times with everything that had happened, and I often felt that way, myself.

As for help with school work... I don't think you ever mentioned your year outright, but it sounded like you just finished your first? Is that right? I might be able to find someone in your year to study with you. We could think of it like a continuation of that Quill Pals pairing that the professors do for students when they first join the school. I'm sure you're not the only person who would like a dedicated study partner but has a bit of trouble "breaking the ice".

That's also unfortunate to hear about the summer camp being less than enjoyable for you. I'm not sure if this is any consolation at all, but I heard from many others that it wasn't at all what they were expecting either. Quite a few seem to have enjoyed the Quidditch game at least (and I'll admit, I'm still rather envious of those who got to watch it), but aside from that, it seems there was quite a bit left to be desired. You're far from alone in feeling disconnected from the festivities intended by the professors, I think.

As for my summer, I suppose it was alright. The classes were certainly dull, especially compared to how exciting our lectures at Hogwarts are. But in a way, I think I appreciated that. There was no mental battle with my wand in an attempt to will it to do what I wanted. Math and science is much more compliant. It simply is. It makes sense. Magic, as incredible as it is, and as much as it seems to come second nature to many, and as much as I think I am starting to get a grasp of it…it's rather…nonsensical. And I suppose it was nice to have something to focus on. I thought I might have been having someone stay with me over the summer, but plans fell through. In fact, they stopped The schoolwork was a good distraction. It gave me something to do.

Most of my summer was spent at home. I did get to spend quite a bit of time with Cassie, though, yes. I went riding with her nearly every day. Sometimes my owl (my mother surprised me when the train got back into London at the start of the holidays by getting me an owl) would come with us, flitting from tree to tree or going hunting while we road. It was nice. A bit lonely at times, though. It's strange. I never used to mind being alone. And when I'm at Hogwarts, I usually preferred that as well. Since being home, though, it's been lonely. My mother works long hours, especially with everything that's been going on in the muggle world, and it's just… not the same. At school, you could still be alone in your own company, but the presence of everyone else around sort of gave a passive life to the environment, I suppose. I miss it a touch more than I might have expected.

That aside, however, I did also get the chance to get away at least a little bit. In fact, I only just got back from Cannes, France last week. My mother had taken me down there for a bit of a vacation. Well, I suppose it was really more of a business trip for her, and she didn't want to leave me at home alone for quite that long, and so took me with her. It was nice, however. For the most part, at least. They had a rather interesting art exhibit on display and I got to enjoy the museums and the beach there. I didn't particularly enjoy the run-in that I had with someone from school that I would sooner not have seen, but I shouldn't have been surprised. Really, all summer was like that. Those peers I did see were ones I would sooner have left out of sight.

Anyway, I'm sorry about your continued family troubles. Especially with missing your father and the way that he left like that. I can understand your desire to want to confront him. Maybe there is an alternative option, though? You mentioned being terrified about what his reaction would be. Perhaps you could write to him and have it delivered to his place of work. Then you wouldn't have to see his reaction, but it would still give the opportunity for contact to be made.

Here, I'm running out of room on the paper, and I don't want to take too long in sending this since I'm not sure when you'll be heading in to London proper to get your things. Actually, maybe I should just send this to the Leaky Cauldron…Then again…I don't know if they even take accept post... Tree it is, then, I suppose. I do hope you check there. Or, perhaps I can make a copy. Perhaps that's what I'll do. I'll mail one off to you today and leave a second copy in the tree, just in case.

So with that, I hope your last few days of the summer holidays go by well and that your trip on the Hogwarts Express isn't too terribly stressful for you. It's a bit of a frightening prospect to be returning to school, but we do belong there. For better or worse. Let's do what we can to make this year better, alright? Do let me know how you feel about me trying to find you someone to study with.

Sincerely,
Nightingale

[font=Segoe Print]September 5th, 2020

Dear Nightingale, @Evelynn Decipio

I’ll be honest, I would have never thought to check the Leaky Cauldron for post. I always thought it was just a basic front for the Alley entrance, but it seems to be the central hub for wizards to gather. Guess I’ve still got a lot to learn about this world. Anyways, I found your copy in the tree, thankfully. Sorry that you had to go through the extra work of making a second letter. At least we’re back in school now so this whole thing will be relatively easy.

Never assume I’m having too much fun. Weirdly enough, you’re the person that I’m probably closest to. Something about speaking to a faceless friend is totally comforting, especially with how I’ve been feeling. I don’t think I’ll be changing my mind anytime soon, and if I do, you have permission to hide one of those howler letters in the tree. I think my dormmates might get a kick out of my opening one in the room, ahah. A consequence of loving my bed is that I really don’t get out much, so the Ball was really the only time I felt like things were too formidable for me. Were there other overwhelming moments like that? Or was it just friendships and the like?

It is pretty dizzying, but I guess the worst of it is the heavy feeling that just sets in when I change my mind. It’s like a big weight that forcing me to stay still. Other than the camp, that was what the rest of my summer was like. That and reading my Defense Against the Dark Arts textbook over and over. I think it’s my favorite subject, though I’m not sure how original that thought is.

I am going into second year now, yes. I’d love a study partner, but I would also feel sorry for them because they have put up with me. My mood changes so often, but I usually hate being flaky. I’m terrified that one day, I’ll show up in a bad mood and scare them away. Or maybe if I just force myself to be excited... okay, definitely not. But I think I need to try. It might just be the best way for me to break the ice, as you put it.

That’s good to hear about summer camp. I did think the events that the professors set up sounded fun, but I guess the execution was probably bad. I wouldn’t know many details about that. All I remember was learning about Quidditch while the actual game was going on, and that the beds in my tent were very comfy. Speaking of Quidditch, you enjoy it, then? I’ve never been a sports person outside of blind support for the Brighton and Hove football team, and Quidditch looks really confusing. But the rush was definitely exciting.

The notion that magic is just nonsensical – I really couldn’t agree more. I enjoy it, but it’s still so crazy to wrap my head around. I mean, I’ve been living in this world for a whole year now and I’m still so lost in classes. Writing theory is fine, but the practical stuff? I have to work on understanding exactly what I’m doing and that almost always takes up the whole night before we get to cast spells. I hope it gets better this term, and I hope it gets easier for you too. Having a summer distraction sounds so good, though. I could’ve definitely used it.

And I’m sorry that your plans fell through. Maybe, since we’re getting older, you’ll be able to have a summer friend next year. I relate so much to that feeling of loneliness throughout the last few months. It’s the same for me with my mother. She works long hours usually, but it’s even more now with the human muggle situation. I do miss falling asleep to the muffled conversations of my dormmates, or studying in the presence of other people in the library during exam time. It really was too quiet over the summer. For once, I’m hyped to get back into the groove. And owl, though! That’s pretty cool. What’s its name? I’m thinking of asking my father my biological fa for a pet. Just have to work up the courage to actually talk.

Cannes sounds amazing. I’d love to visit, especially for the film festival. Do you like art? I’m definitely the type of person to check out the art museums in a new place, but I don't paint or sculpt myself. And I think the deeper meanings are definitely lost on me. I’d be horrified to run into my peers on vacation, though! I hope you got out of the situation unscathed.

Hm, I never thought to write to my dad, but that sounds like a good idea. I’m worried, though. The words come easy when I’m writing to you, but I think I’ll struggle a lot if I have to write to him. I guess I have to try, anyway. I don’t want him out of my life forever, and if there’s something I can do to bring him back, I would. I miss him.

Anyways, I hope the year goes well for you. May good grades grace us and blossom ball fiascos stay away from us. And I'd really like it if you could help me find a study partner.

Thank you,
Captain Kirk.
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