Christmas Cheers and Christmas Tears Closed

@Jo Morgan

Jack blinked as he heard a familiar voice behind him and turned, surprised. Jo? "Hey," he greeted, sounding astonished. "What are you doing here? I thought you were busy talking to D'Spacito." With a hollow laugh, he told her, "I just said I was going to go change. You didn’t have to leave to come after me. You’ll miss the others opening their gifts."

It then occurred to him then, however, that the reason Jo might have been so adamant about him opening his gift was because she had been his Secret Santa. He smirked slightly at the thought but didn’t meet her eye.

"Sorry. Um...tell you what. Why don’t you wait until it’s the last one and save it for me to open later? I’m sure it’ll be great, whatever it is." Re-adjusting his robes around him, Jack heaved a deep sigh. "I can’t seem to keep from upsetting people no matter what I do…can’t stay and I guess I can’t leave, either," he muttered to himself with a dry chuckle.

The redhead turned back around again toward the direction of his dormitory. "Go back, Morgan. They’ll be missing you. I need to find some god-awful holiday sweater more atrocious than yours."

The realization that Rafa had talked to Jo about what happened astonished Jack into momentary silence, but he soon found his voice again. He turned back once more to address Jo.

"Okay, first of all," Jack began in what he hoped was a soothing tone, sensing the distress in the girl's words, "I don't know what he told you, but it's not the whole story, so don't go making assumptions of your own," he said, holding up his palms.

"Secondly, I'm sure whoever it was tried really hard and I'm not going to let it go to waste. Like I said, if you just wait until the end and bring it to me, I'll open it then. But I can't go back now. Not while D'Spacito is there." He shook his head. "You saw his face when he saw me. It's better if I just give him space. At least for now. He looked so happy before and I don't want to ruin this for him when it's obviously something he considers really important."

The Slytherin froze, realizing he sounded like he cared about the other boy. "I mean...it's only because I owe him for trying to save me before. But please don't tell him that. I just...I don't like to be indebted to people, you know?"

Judging by Jack’s expression and words, it sounded like he genuinely thought he was doing everyone a favor by backing out of the event.

He was, however, entirely correct in his assumption that Jo had only been given a brief and probably biased recap of the love letter fiasco.

”You’re right - I don’t really know the truth about what happened. But I do know Rafa’s side of the story, which isn’t pretty by any stretch. I know it because he told me - because he trusted me, because he knows that both you and him are gonna be way too proud to actually apologize to each other. I’m not saying you need to apologize to him, but you guys can’t keep avoiding each other, or you’ll end up in another fight!” Realizing that her voice was a bit too loud, she stopped for a while, furrowing her brow in thought. “Rafa isn’t a bad person, and he’s good to have on your side in a fight.” She smiled, remembering the epic snowball fight they just had that morning. “He’s got a good arm - I wouldn’t want to be on the receiving end of it.”
She spoke from experience, recalling the sensation of being smashed in the face with her own snowball. It wasn’t his fault then - just bad timing.

Intimidating the boy obviously wouldn’t work. She’d have to use logic if she wanted to win him over and get him back to the Great Hall.

”Just think of the impression you”ll leave if you don’t actually come back! Rafa will think you’re selfish and cowardly, and it’s going to be even harder to make up later - which needs to happen eventually. But if you stay, you’ll show that you do care about the hard work of others, and you yourself worked hard with the sole intention of making someone happy for Christmas. Rafa might think twice about his opinion of you.”

Should she tell him the truth? That she was his Secret Santa, and the only reason she wanted him to stay was because she couldn’t bear the thought of him opening the present all alone and having no one to see him or clap when he solved the riddles? She’d wanted him to be praised and remembered by everyone else for his cleverness - that was her real Christmas gift to him, not the crappy thing actually inside the puzzle box.

She also wanted him to be there when she opened the present from him. It would be heartbreaking to have no one to thank and simply nod, collecting her gift and quietly leaving.
This reason was admittedly rather selfish of her, but it was just as strong an argument as her other reasons.

“Jack.” She said firmly. “I won’t tell Rafa or anyone else that you owe him, which is ridiculous because if you owe him he probably knows about it. But if you owe him, don’t you want to make up for it? You’re not solving anything by running away - just leaving a sour taste in everyone’s mouth by leaving someone’s gift unwrapped. The person who made your gift probably wants to see you open it! That’s why they made it for you.
If you made someone a gift, wouldn’t you want to see their reaction to what’s inside?”

She moved aside, only realizing she was standing in the doorway as a tall Hufflepuff boy ducked through with a plate of food.

”You’d also miss a damn good dinner.” She murmured as the scent of the delicious pork loins and sweet cranberry sauce he had heaped on his plate filled her nostrils.

"If you know Rafa's side of the story, then you know it's probably best we're not around each other right now," Jack answered. "Also, what you said doesn't really make sense. If we avoid each other, how can we end up in another fight? Fighting only happens when you don't avoid each other."

He sighed in exasperation. "I already told you, I don’t believe there’s such a thing as good and bad people. I do respect him, but that’s why I’m leaving."

"Just think of the impression you'll leave if you don’t actually come back! Rafa will think you’re selfish and cowardly, and it’s going to be even harder to make up later - which needs to happen eventually. But if you stay, you’ll show that you do care about the hard work of others, and you yourself worked hard with the sole intention of making someone happy for Christmas. Rafa might think twice about his opinion of you."

The Slytherin cast her an incredulous look. "...I guess you haven’t noticed," he said with a wry grin, "But I am actually selfish and cowardly, so I don’t care if Rafa thinks that because it’s the truth. And I seriously think that it’ll be easier to make up later if I respect his space and leave him alone for now."

He spread his arms. "I mean, doesn’t the fact that you were the one who came after me instead of him just prove that he doesn’t want me around right now? Are you sure you aren’t just the one being selfish and trying to bring me back because you want me there to open your present?" Frowning, he remarked, "Sounds to me like you’re just using him as an excuse rather than actually trying to think about his feelings."

Jack exhaled heavily, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose. "No, he doesn’t know that I owe him because he doesn’t know I feel indebted to him in the first place. I’m the one who decided that I owe him, not him," he explained slowly, trying to be patient. "And since you don’t seem to be listening to what I’m saying, let me spell it out for you: I am making up for it. By leaving. That’s what he wants! Ask him yourself!"

He shook his head, growing more frustrated by the minute. "Look, Morgan. I’m not a complete idiot. The only reason you came after me is because you’re the one who was supposed to be my Secret Santa. I’m sure you worked really hard on your gift, but maybe you should read between the lines for once and realize that what you want to happen isn’t what’s best for the majority of people right now.

"No one else cares that I’ve left. The only person who would have a sour taste left in their mouth is you because you probably want to show everyone how hard you worked on your gift. You don’t really care about me or Rafael or anyone else, even if you’ve tricked yourself into thinking you do. I already told you I’d open the thing later, so drop it already."

He turned around again, waving a hand dismissively at her comment about the food. "I’ll come back down for dinner later. At my own house’s table. After the Secret Santa is over."

“You can’t tell me to just drop it!” She called out to him, grimacing.
There was something Jo didn’t like about the way Jack spoke about his negative traits. To her, it almost seemed like he was proud of them. That they weren’t something he needed to fix, but an excuse for running away. Like he not only refused to correct their bad impressions of him, but acted and spoke deliberately in order to further his reputation as a scheming, cowardly person. She’d thought he wanted to be seen as smart and clever - hence his present, of course! But apparently the boy was adamant that he be painted a villain. In which case, why was she even bothering with him? Had Rafa been correct to ignore him and continue opening the presents? It just felt weird to know that someone would be missing. Someone important since there weren’t many of them.
A thousand words danced at the top of her tongue, but she bit them back. She wouldn’t let him leave, not without opening his present! In order to do that, she’d need to be far more careful of what she said. She didn’t know how offended the boy could be, and the last thing she wanted was for him to storm off in anger. He really wouldn’t be coming back then.
”Rafa didn’t come get you because he knows it would be awkward for him to try and persuade you to come back. He’s not going to try and ask you a favor, because you’ll probably refuse and it’s only going to make him even more embarrassed. He doesn’t know that you can be a nice person, and he probably hasn’t fully realized how hard you worked to get me a gift. I don’t know either how hard you worked, so would you come back? I want to thank you in front of everyone, not just pick up your gift and quietly leave! I don’t think Rafa wanted you to leave, either. You just assumed that he wanted you to leave because he didn’t smile at you, which is completely normal considering what happened. But he might have still wanted to go ahead and do the Secret Santa with everyone else! I don’t think you’re doing anyone a favor by leaving, except yourself.”
She took a moment to compose herself, because she knew she was trembling. She wasn’t used to being able to argue with anyone except for Rafa - she was always the one that would run away. But not today.
”And please! Of course we care that you left! Nothing puts a damper on the mood more than someone just up and leaving in the middle of a celebration. What do we do, wait for someone who we know isn’t coming back and then just shrug and leave? Or do we just continue down the line and when Donovan asks for my secret Santa and nobody answers we just quietly move on? No matter what way it plays out, it’s gonna be really fucking awkward when everyone realized you chickened out because you were scared of someone whose day you ruined a while ago.”
Perhaps she had spoken too harshly - she regretted her tone of voice.
”I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings, but I don’t think it’s right or fair for you to just run away like that and mess up the celebration, because Secret Santa is about every one of us and every one of us should be able to open their present and be able to look their secret Santa in the face and say thank you without the mood getting ruined because two people who sent even each others’ secret Santa’s don’t really get along too well.”
She hesitated. It was hard for these words to come out, but she forced them through her teeth. “It was really great being your Secret Santa. I loved being able to ask everyone for help because we were doing something for someone other than ourselves and I really, really liked it. I… don’t really get to do that a lot. So… will you please do me a favor and stay so I… so everyone, and that includes Rafa, can watch you open it? Opening your gift in front of everyone is a big part of the Secret Santa thing. And… I made my gift to reflect that. I promise you’ll get it when you open it.”
She hoped he would stay long enough to understand what that meant. With every riddle she wrote, she’d imagined the applause he would get and smiled! It would be a terrible thing to let such a moment for him go to waste because of Rafa. Of course, now that she’d tried to be on Jack’s side, it would be much harder to try to help Rafa out should the two decide to fight in the Great Hall.

"Don't try to speak for him! Why should I believe you know him any better than I do? Just because you might think you know what he wants or why he's doing what he is doesn't make it true." He glared at the ground. "If he doesn't think I can be a nice person, it's not my responsibility to convince him otherwise. Especially if he's right."

"Don't you get it?!" the Slytherin boy burst out, facing Jo with a hollow, bitter "I'm not like you! I don't want to be thanked! I thought the whole point of this Secret Santa stuff was to be anonymous!"

Forcing a manic grin on his face, he shook his head at the ground as if in disbelief. "God… You have no proof either way what D'Spacito wants and neither do I. So yeah, I am doing myself a favor. I'm going with the only thing I do know - what I want - and that's to be left alone."

When he looked up at her again, all traces of his smile were gone and his gaze was stony. "I don't need any friends. And if that's what that whole thing is about - making new ones or celebrating friendship or whatever - then I definitely don't belong there."

He noticed her trembling and inwardly cursed himself, fighting back a pang of guilt. It had never been his intention to hurt the girl, but she wasn't making this very easy for him, either. He'd tried to reason with her; tried to compromise, but she just wouldn't have it. Jack was at his wit's end.

"Here's a newsflash for you: no one cares. No one. I didn't leave in the middle - I left at the beginning, and I did it in such a way as to try to avoid bringing attention to myself and causing a scene. I also told them not to wait up, which they aren't doing, so if you want to be a part of their little festivities, I suggest you go back while you still can."

Clenching and unclenching his fists, Jack tried to relieve some of his rising tension. "I'm not scared of him. You didn't hurt my feelings. And you really gotta stop fucking making assumptions like that because it's fucking getting on my nerves. I already tried to be fair to you by telling you I would open your gift later, but I am not going back there, so take my offer or leave it."

Jack looked away again. "I know - I know you worked really hard. But being a part of this thing with everyone else is not what I signed up for. I’m sorry." With those words, the Slytherin turned around a final time, determined not to stop until he reached his dormitory.

“I’m not like you!”

The boy has spat at her.

“I don’t want to be thanked!”

I’m not like you…The words stuck like barbs in her mind. Tears rolled down her cheeks faster than she could brush them away. As he swiveled around to leave one last time, she softly called out to him.

“If you don’t want me to assume things, why did you assume I just wanted to be thanked? Why did you assume I was a part of this because I wanted everyone to see how hard I had worked? You seem always to think the worst of everyone. I just.. why?”

She didn’t want him to stay anymore. She felt hurt and confused. She felt like she had lost a battle that she didn’t ask to fight. She just wanted to know where she had gone wrong.

It’s a queer thing, really - when you do something genuinely for someone else, it means so much more to you than to the other person who receives it. They get their present, and you get a piece of happiness back - a piece of Christmas.
When he opened that gift under the tree… the change of his expression would have been so much more magical than any type of Transfiguration.

But something had gone wrong with the magic of Christmas Eve. It had withered under Jack’s icy glare and apathy - the potion of happiness left incomplete and rotting, slowly turning to a festering poison.
She knew she couldn’t go back. She couldn’t look at Rafa and Donnovan and tell them that she had failed.

Jo watched the boy leave, knowing she was powerless to stop him - knowing she had lost.