Don't Go PV Katrina Walker Finished

Katrina had been quickly swept up into the chaos of the upcoming Blossom Ball. The prospect of getting all dressed up and dancing the night away wasn't quite what Katrina was obsessing over though, it was the safety of it all. Every ball to date had gone down in some sort of disaster. At this point, it seemed like an inevitable trend. However, there was still a chance for change, was there not? Every disaster ended up with increased safety. That didn't quell Katrina's slight anxiety, but it helped her reason why she was planning on going in the first place.

Katrina felt obligated to attend, her third year knowledge included much needed healing spells and with her constant dueling practice, she felt capable. Besides, she couldn't bear to sit on the sidelines, pretend nothing was happening and fall asleep in her dorm, the massive amount of guilt wouldn't allow that. There would be first years, unable to cast most spells, terrified and unprepared. Her friends fighting against some unknown or another, possibly getting injured without an extra person to protect. At the very least, was it really worth skipping a night that might not end in disaster? There were certainly plenty of reasons to attend even if nothing went wrong, the possibility of a date, an excuse to dress up, a place to meet people she hadn't spoken to in a while, maybe a dance or two?

The Third Year found herself walking down on the grounds not too long into her musings. It was too crowded in the castle nowadays. All five schools in the main areas, chatting, exploring, mingling. Then the Common Room was stuffed with those trying to get away from the influx of people only to make the Common Room just as crowded. Katrina felt suffocated. There was always the allure of the Room of Requirement, but she didn't want to be isolated, she just wanted a little space. So out to the grounds she went. Katrina's tree, or at least the one she'd claimed, stood proudly on the far side of the little hill, just out of view of the castle. Perfect as always.

Katrina sat on the ground with one copy of each flier to date and a journal with a pencil. The previous codes hadn't been too hard to crack. The strings of code on each page weren't particularly hard, and once she figured out the first, they were easier to answer. Today's flier didn't seem very different than the last, besides it's odd glitching. Katrina got to work deciphering it and the answer laid on the page beside her.

She then got out a swath of fabric and some sewing supplies. She could easily owl her guardians for a what she needed or buy one herself. Or probably magically put one together. But instead she had decided to do some of the work by hand. Yet another simple wand holster. It was to be sewn into the side tail thing of her dress, the underside of it to be exact. Easy to whip out if necessary but hidden from the clever eye. A swatch of the textured blue fabric lay in Katrina's lap, she had used magical means to separate it from the rest, a 'Diffindo' to be exact, and she intended on repairing it by magical means as well. But the actual holster she was sewing by hand.

Katrina was just sewing the holster to the dress when she heard a familiar voice call out her name. "Hey Bridget! Taking advantage of the escape from people like me?" A friendly smile on Katrina's face, "I'm just working on another wand holster. Did you know this is like my twentieth one? I should really start selling these," A chuckle escaped Katrina.

She took a glance at her closest friend as she took a seat beside Katrina. There was something in her expression, something Katrina couldn't quite put her finger on. The Third Year was fairly good at reading expressions, especially of her closest friend, but she couldn't quite figure this one out, "How are you doing? Is something going on?" Katrina attempted to keep her voice happy and nonplussed but it took a concerned turn at the end. Everything was alright, right? It had to be…

@Katrina Walker

Katrina returned her greeting, expressing a certain need to escape Bridget could empathize with. "More or less, yeah." She wasn't exactly a shining example of hospitality and friendship towards the foreign students; being polite was no issue, but she had no particular interest in interacting with them more than was strictly necessary. If Katrina, who tended to be the more extroverted of the two, needed a break, it was no surprise Bridget felt the same way.

"You should. They work well; I quite like the one you made me." She patted the leather pouch at her side, laurel wand tucked inside. The item of power was rarely outside of arm's reach--did that count as dependence on magic or paranoia? Maybe both.

For all the pleasant talk, it seemed Katrina had sensed there was more to her visit. Her friend knew her well... mostly. "Nothing's wrong," though she did have something on her mind, a motive to be here. In a school of commonplace disaster, it was no wonder that was the conclusion Katrina came to. All the more reason to avoid this ball; they were only thirteen, all this worry couldn't be healthy. "I did have something I wanted to talk to you about, though."

The universe chose that particular moment to flood her with doubts where there had been few before. There was... god, there was quite a lot riding on this. At face value, whether Katrina went to some dance was trivial. So what, maybe she got caught up in some teenage drama. Maybe a boy broke her heart, if she was at that sort of point--Bridget didn't think she was, but Katrina was more involved with that sort of thing than she was and the Slytherin didn't aks about it much. Look a little harder and, well, this wasn't any ordinary dance. This was a blossom ball. Last year there had been vampyr mosps with huge, dagger-like stingers. Katrina herself had been hurt by them, Bridget was pretty sure she still had the scars. That wasn't even mentioning Anastasia and Victor practically burning to death, the beginning of the end for the latter. And the year before. She hadn't gone, but she'd heard about fire and was pretty sure something traumatic had happened to Illowy.

So, really, Katrina going or not meant a lot. Possibly even the difference between life or death, if she let herself go there. Which she wasn't. And- oh, right. She shook her head, pushing out of the convoluted mental mess and into the present. "Sorry about that. Just... got lost in thought." A true enough excuse, her glazed-over eyes had been evidence of that.

She needed to spit it out, before the redhead started worrying about her. She was fine, hadn't had a breakdown or anything since the news Matthew was alright had come. Well, except for when she'd been scared Santario was dead at the bottom of that well. Once she got this over with, she'd be even better, because Katrina would agree with her. Right?

A quick inhale and exhale, as she gave herself a mental countdown to start. It wasn't even like she had to come up with all this on the spot, since she'd drafted what she was going to say beforehand to ensure it worked. She hoped it was enough. "Okay. So the Blossom Ball--Hogwarts balls period--you know how they go. Which is why I was thinking at this point, it would be rather idiotic to go, honestly." The grass had become the unlucky subject of her anxious energy, twisted and torn beneath her fingers.

"I mean, the Fall Ball didn't go horribly, but I think that was thanks to the competency of the planners and the ones this time are..." Not Flash, Ileen, Dee, and Pericles, "names I barely recognize, so it stands to reason they aren't familiar enough with everything to properly keep things safe. The theme sounds cool I guess, but it's pretty much guaranteed to go up in flames by the end of the night, and I don't want to go. I'm not sure if you already had plans, but it's not worth it, is it?

She wondered if any of that made sense. It had sounded a lot better when she'd practiced earlier, but in the moment it had been harder to get everything out neatly, the individual thoughts emerging somewhat incoherently. "I guess the short of it is: will you not go to the ball with me?" Her eyes, fixated on the lake as she talked, looked up to read her friend's expression, and she cracked a hesitant smile.

Bridget admitted she was 'more or less' escaping the crowds in the castle as well. Katrina tended to be a bit more social than her best friend so it made sense that if Katrina was feeling suffocated, Bridget was as well. She didn't seem too stressed about the crowds though, there was something else bothering her, something Katrina was growing with concern about. The conversation continued, Bridget agreeing that Katrina should sell them, perhaps she would look into that soon. A bit of profit might be nice, besides, it was handy to have a wand so easily accessible. Katrina had numerous times when her wand had been inconveniently just out of reach when something bad happened, just another preventative measure to ensure safety.

Bridget admitted that there was something else she wanted to talk about, but assured Katrina there was nothing wrong. For a moment, Katrina's growing knot of stressed stopped its winding, no more attacks, or kidnappings, or creatures, or shadows, or hags, or curses, or any of the things Katrina's mind had gone to first. But it was still serious. Katrina's mind continued to swirl still. If it was nothing bad in that term but still bad? Like a last minute final or a bad grade or another Beckett fight or a secret spilled or a rumor? Maybe something had happened to her brother again? But no, that would definitely be bad. Katrina drug herself back to reality, noticing Bridget's glazed over eyes. She seemed even more lost in thought. Katrina rehearsed conversation over conversation in her mind. 'Oh nothing's wrong but I just figured out my curse is getting worse' 'Wait, what?' 'Yep, and I already feel it's effect increasing' no, that would definitely be something wrong… 'So I heard a rumor about you' 'Another one?' 'Something about the werewolf from your kidnapping being another student' 'Haha, that's absurd of course not' If it was that… Katrina couldn't take lying to Bridget for much longer- but she'd promised.

Katrina forced herself out of her thoughts more roughly this time, biting her cheek. She shifted her position, eyes looking back at Bridget who was still out of it. She seemed to come back to herself and apologized. Katrina wanted to assure her it was fine and she didn't need to apologize but if Katrina opened her mouth she was sure she would have pushed Bridget to tell her what she was so worried about and she didn't want to be abrasive.

Bridget breathed in deeply, waiting for something, then she finally started talking. Eluding to the chaos of the previous balls. That it was 'idiotic to go', as if that was a clear thought. Katrina bit her cheek again, this time to keep from snapping. Her best friend basically called her an idiot as she was indeed planning to go. Bridget admitted that the last ball was fine, which would have been Katrina's first counter. But that this ball was organized by people she didn't know. So what? Katrina hardly knew the ones who had planned the last one to begin with, besides, the balls were only getting safer. The professors were still helping plan as far as she knew so it wasn't like the students could make a bad choice without a professor agreeing. Bridget continued to say that Katrina's plans to go weren't even worth it. Worth what? Letting her peers be attacked by who knows what? Or missing a chance on a perfectly good ball with a quite entertaining theme so far?

Bridget finished it off with a comment that would have been amusing at any other point but Katrina was already simmering with emotion. Bridget was asking Katrina to not go to the ball with her. What would they even do? Sit aside while everything when down somewhere else in the castle? It wasn't exactly safe to hide out anywhere else in the castle after all. Was Bridget fine with sitting aside? With a clean conscience while her dueling skills and fourth year spells weren't put in use? Katrina's thoughts simmered until they were boiling, ready to erupt, her face flickering between emotions so fast she didn't know what she was feeling.

Katrina finally exploded, trying her hardest to keep the abrasive tone out of her voice, sarcasm slipping through instead, "You're fine just sitting aside and letting it all go down? What if something bad happens? All of your dueling skills and advanced spells being wasted. My own healing spells as well. And for what, so we don't get hurt? What about the rest of the students, walking into it without a clue?" Despite her efforts, the biting tone slipped through, she waited a moment, letting her emotions die down, perhaps waiting for a response before continuing, "And what if the night is fine? Everything goes according to plan and we miss out on a perfectly good night, finally something good out of this year," Then her mind went to her brother. "Besides, Liam is going, there's nothing I can do to stop him at this point, I can't just let him frolic into danger, you know what happened last time," Katrina had left the ball early after hearing from one of Liam's friends that her brother was missing, it turned out he had just snuck out to the ball but still, she knew now that there was nothing keeping him from going, even her pleading.

Katrina tried to keep the emotion and the personal reasons out of it and just focus on the facts but she was so pent up, instead of tearing at the grass like Katrina noticed Bridget was doing, Katrina was channeling the emotion into the sewing needle in her hand, clenching the metal so hard it started to bend, "This whole year has been so much of a mess," Katrina started, forcing down the burn of tears in the back of her eyes, "I just want something good out of it. Just one fun night,"

Katrina went back to what started her tyrant, her best friend asking her not to go, "I can't Bridget, I'm sorry. I just can't," This last bit, Katrina was quiet, voice even quivering despite her efforts to keep from crying. Katrina looked down at the sewing needle in her grip, avoiding Bridget's gaze, the needle was now bent nearly into a circle.

Katrina already had plans, a dress, perhaps a date, her brother was going, so were several younger students, her dueling skills, healing skills, she couldn't just pretend. Katrina wished she hadn't exploded, wished she'd just lied and agreed to Bridget she wouldn't go and go anyway. It would have been better, Bridget less hurt. But another lie, there was only so much Katrina could keep in. She was guilty to push aside what was clearly something Bridget was trying to say nicely, she was already stressed and had even been smiling before Katrina had gone off. But it wasn't like a little argument was the end of the world. Besides, Bridget was her best friend, she couldn't keep keeping things from her.

@Katrina Walker

Her weak attempt at a joke had fallen flat. Her whole speech had fallen flat, that much was clear when she finally looked up at her friend. Katrina's expression, some indiscernable combination of emotions, all with veritable intensity, made her small smile freeze, teeth clenching. Shoot, she'd messed this up. It hadn't sounded quite like she'd meant it to, exacerbated by a few unfortunate word choices. 'Idiotic to go'? To Katrina, who she'd been trying to talk out of going, that could sound like she was calling her an idiot. Which was not her intention. At all. It was more that the choice was reckless. Opening her mouth, she prepared to backtrack and apologize.

And then Katrina started talking.

Her mouth snapped shut. That expression she'd had, of awkward yet still amicable discomfort, hardened. She couldn't even process what Katrina was saying at first, just the tone, sharp and so very wrong. Like how she'd sounded when arguing with Rose back in January, except that was with a relative stranger. This was bad.

A look of shock faded, brows drawing in, and the words themselves hit her. No, hit wasn't really the best way to put it; it was more like repeatedly being stabbed in the chest. Was she fine with doing nothing? What if something bad happened? That was the point, wasn't it? She didn't want to be there. Because if she was there, and something horrible happened again, she would spend forever trying to figure out what she could have done differently to prevent it. Being there didn't matter. All the horrors she'd been present for--the spider attack, Anastasia and Victor burning at last year's Blossom Ball, Victor getting stabbed--she hadn't been able to fix. She clearly wasn't doing herself any favors, so she might as well try something different, see if distancing herself helped.

She'd been trying to tell herself that, justifying the choice further with the fact it was everyone else's choice. They would go of their own volition, it wasn't her fault they'd be there and so it wouldn't be her fault if something happened to them. But in the back of her mind, she second-guessed herself. Katrina's words pushed at that, on how bad truly thinking about it made her feel. It was selfish. But what was she supposed to do? She was so small and weak and useless, couldn't even properly protect her friends. Her eyes prickled, hot and wet, but no, she was not going to cry.

What made Katrina think she could save everyone? She pivoted in her spot on the ground so they no longer sat side by side, facing her instead and putting some distance between them. No longer was she pulling at the grass, palms instead pushing into the ground at her sides. She shoved the fingernail of her pointer finger into the pad of her thumb, the small sensation of pain a much-needed distraction. "When has being there ever prevented anything? Our spells are never enough." She couldn't help the frustration that bled in. Between feeding off Katrina's tone and how loaded the subject was for her, there was little stopping it. "And yes so we don't get hurt. What if something happens to you? Then you're just dead weight someone else has to deal with while defending themselves." Surely she could understand that; it was how she'd left the last Blossom Ball, after all.

"And what do you mean, 'walking into it without a clue'? The first years have had a year, if they've paid even a sliver of attention they know. None of them have the excuse of ignorance, it's their choice." Their dangerous, misguided, naive choice.

Her argument about Liam... that she could actually agree with. She understood the need to keep him safe; he was family, he was all of that Katrina had left. But that was exactly how she felt about her friends going. She didn't want them in danger. Besides, she didn't think Katrina was trying hard enough. Your sibling didn't do what you asked them to, big surprise. Pleas weren't enough. If Katrina really tried--employed threats, got her adoptive parents involved--she could probably keep him from going.

She stayed quiet as Katrina continued. At least she didn't sound so accusatory now. There was a lot Bridget could say, about how ridiculous it sounded for her to believe she might miss out on a fun, peaceful, completely unproblematic night. Statistics disagreed. How far did she want to go, though? There was a precarious feeling to all of this, and while she was holding out for them to be fine, for this to blow over, this was easily the worst they'd clashed all year. A fight with one of her best friends was not what she wanted.

"What's your idea of fun, Katrina?" The utterance was quieter this time, and something about saying her name felt distant, far more formal than when she'd greeted her a few minutes ago. "Looking over your shoulder all night?" Because that was what she'd be doing, whether the ball devolved ten minutes in or nothing happened at all. If it was just the two of them, they might spend the time worrying about everyone else, sure, but they'd be out of harm's way.

And what she'd said about wanting something good out of this mess of a year also implied Bridget couldn't be that much-needed fun. She probably hadn't meant it like that. It hurt anyway, like Katrina's now-bent needle poking at her already fractured heart.

After all that came the short answer, the no. God, was Katrina crying? She had not meant for that, didn't want to be the reason for causing the redhead pain. Seeing it made her insides twist. At the same time, annoyance sparked. Why was she crying? She'd been the one to escalate! If she'd just answered calmly they wouldn't have gotten to this point, but instead she had to start a rather harsh tirade. Bridget turned away, facing out at the lake, biting down hard on her lip. "Don't delude yourself. You can't save them. Stop trying to be some hero." It was a whisper and yet almost certainly loud enough for Katrina to hear in the silence that had settled between them.

Katrina knew she’d gone too far. Her best friend’s face was hardened and resolute. Katrina mentally kicked herself, she should have taken it slower, asked questions, or at least taken a moment so she didn’t just flip out. It was too late now though and despite her acknowledgement of what went wrong, she was still upset and not ready to just let it drop. Bridget made a motion, turning herself so they weren’t sitting side by side but facing each other now, she was tense and clearly angry. Katrina matched her motion, pushing the stuff off her lap and turning to face Bridget.

Bridget said that their spells were never enough, “Even if they don’t do that much it’s still something. If everyone thought they weren’t enough to help things would only get worse!” Katrina’s words were desperate, her help extinguishing the flames that first ball prevented people from being burned, dousing the fire roses at the Blossomball had saved Beckett’s life, protecting the boy under the table and taking the attention of the mosps away from River and the rest had certainly been something, they prevented more people from being hurt. Katrina didn’t say this though, it would only be more proof that Katrina was willing to sacrifice herself for other people which was true but would only make Bridget more adamant.

“Something’s happened to me before and I made it out alright. Even if something happens there I’m not going to be ‘dead weight’,” Katrina was defensive now, and quite hurt. She could take care of herself just fine, hadn’t she proven that? The only time she was ‘dead weight’ was after the event and when no one’s life was in direct danger. Then Katrina realized which time Bridget was referring to, last Blossomball, “Well at least I’d been doing something to help other people. And I had been stung twice by the mosps at that point if you haven’t already forgotten,” Katrina subconsciously rubbed the mark on the inside of her arm, proof that it wasn’t just a little scratch, it had been large and plenty valid. Her jeer at Bridget’s actions at the last ball hadn’t been at all kind but she hardly registered that she’d said it.

Bridget’s next comment just stirred Katrina up more. “I’d rather be looking over my shoulder all night than hiding away somewhere like a coward while the rest of my friends might be in danger!” Katrina was angry now-- a wet anger, her voice starting to shake and her eyes burning.

Thankfully, there was a silence. Katrina was pushing down the tears, after making jeers about being a coward the last thing she wanted was to cry, it’d just make her seem like more of a hypocrite. Of course she didn’t want Bridget or anyone else to get hurt. That’s the whole reason she was going. She had enough trust in her capabilities to know when she was dead weight, when she was spent, if she had the choice, that’s when she would leave and gather as many friends as she could. But if she could do something, she’d rather be protecting, putting out fires, bandaging, helping people evacuate, do something rather than pretend nothing was happening.

Then Bridget dropped the bomb. Katrina put so much of her energy into her relationships. Bridget, being Katrina’s closest and one of her only friends—as well as being the person that knew Katrina the best—was by far someone that Katrina held with a high level of regard. She cared deeply for Bridget. But they had never fought before, about anything—sure, they’d had a few disagreements here and there, but they were always trivial things. This was so much worse, and her words cut deeply. "Don't delude yourself. You can't save them. Stop trying to be some hero." Katrina was actually speechless for a moment. I’m a weak fool, a fraud, nothing I do is going to save them. Part of Katrina just wanted to break down and cry, but the overriding part was so deeply hurt that she shut off the compassion and self pity and replaced it with blind anger. “I’m not trying to be a ‘hero’, I’m trying to do something instead of stand aside and let people die. It’s not a game Bridget. If something bad happens, there isn’t a way to undo it. If I’m not there and Liam gets hurt and does something stupid I will never forgive myself. If anyone else I know gets hurt and I did nothing to help it will keep me up and make me feel guilty for months if not longer. I don’t think I can save them but I don’t know how I would live with myself if I just sit aside,” At the end of her words Katrina’s voice was hardened, no trace of the deep hurt and emotion that had previously been leading her words. She had just shut off again.

Katrina stuffed her sewing stuff in her bag, pricking her finger on the bent needle unintentionally. She balled up her hand into a fist, hiding the small wound. Katrina stood up, the small pain from the prick undoing what little composure Katrina had just scrounged up. “Danger isn’t just at balls you know. I got kidnapped walking through the grounds. Hogwarts Express crashed for goodness sakes. Nothing is ‘safe’ anymore. The ball might even be safer than normal life because most of the staff will be there. It’s not an illegal ball or a mysterious invitation or just walking around places you shouldn’t be. Not going to be ball isn’t going to make the school any safer. And the least I can do is go and offer some of my skills, or at least pretend to enjoy myself for one evening,” Katrina lashed out at first and ended quiet, almost like she spent all of her energy. She didn’t even know what was going on. One moment her best friend joined her on a sunny day and the next they were fighting. What had even led to this?

@Katrina Walker

This wasn't working. Katrina wasn't hearing her, unreceptive to the points she made. And that was her own fault, really; she should have been more careful, thinking through every word so she didn't trigger an adverse reaction. It didn't help that those first few mistakes had sparked a fire, getting bigger, worse, which each subsequent utterance. Katrina calling her out on her selfishness had dumped gasoline on the sparks, and now Bridget was caught up in the anger, too.

Of course she still did what she could regardless of her magical knowledge never being nearly enough. Her wand was always out when things went wrong, casting anything she could that might serve a needed purpose. It was more that them being there, specifically, wouldn't be enough to change anything, that their slightly larger arsenal spells didn't make them capable of turning the tides of tragedy.

She didn't say any of that, partly because Katrina had missed her point, probably making any further harping on it pointless, and partly because the redhead had already moved on. Were they even hearing the same conversation? Not once had she stated Katrina was useless in a fight, that her presence was instantly a liability. Far from it, in fact; she was plenty competent with experience as a duellist. But it was something that could happen to anyone. Fate, a god, luck... whatever was pulling the strings didn't seem to care how skilled you were.

Not only was she hearing her all wrong, but Katrina felt the need to imply she hadn't been of any help at the last Blossom Ball. Not true. She hadn't joined in with fending off the mosps, she would concede that--though, really, attacking them only seemed to draw their ire, which likely explained how she'd avoided their attention entirely--and she hadn't cast Extinguo at the burning forms of Anastasia and Victor, which would have been pointless as plenty of people were already on it. But she had unpetrified Tyranni so she wouldn't be left defenseless, she'd done something to stop Vladimir from kicking Flash again, and, most notably, she'd flown an injured Santario to medical attention. Yeah, shame she hadn't been doing anything to help other people. And the thing about her forgetting about the mosp stings? That was bloody it, right there. Even the strongest could succumb to whatever happened.

She'd decided it might be best to keep her retorts to a minimum so she didn't make things worse. It hadn't been so much of a problem and mentally pointing out the issues with Katrina's words was enough to keep her even-tempered. Brushing off that which was just blatantly wrong was easy. But what she said next... it poked at an old insecurity.

Coward.

Just like that, she was transported back to her second year self, early on, before so much had happened. She remembered being at the doors of the ballroom, ready to leave, only to see Thora going back in. A moment of hesitation, wondering if she should stay with her friend or go like that older girl had told her to. She left. Even in the moment, she felt bad about it, and it only got worse once she saw how traumatized the event had left Thora, feeling that in some way that was her fault. For not doing enough, for not standing by her side. Since then, she'd been trying to be braver. She'd shielded Thora from the spiders that night, something she was still paying for. She'd gone searching for answers in places she probably wouldn't have gone otherwise. She spoke out at the fight club because if she didn't, who else would? But maybe Katrina was right, and she was still just a coward, willing to hole up with the few she cared about and leave everyone else.

As the exchange got more intense, a difference between the two of them became apparent. Katrina was getting louder. Bridget went quiet. For everything else said, she'd internalized--the frustration at how much Katrina was missing her point, the hurt at the various jabs. There was something she had to say, though, and so she did. Those last words... she wished she could take them back the second they were out. The casualties of emotions running high and less thinking things through than she tended to, she wondered distantly. She tensed, waiting for the response. Her eyes were still on the lake, she didn't want to see Katrina's expression. The moment of unbearable silence said enough.

And oh, she'd expected much of the same, perhaps something similarly hurtful said back in a voice thick with emotion. Bridget had underestimated. There was barely even hurt detectable, just various degrees of red. Their sparks of an argument had become an inferno.

How far was Katrina willing to go? Because to Bridget, this was too far. It's not a game. She knew that. She knew too well that people could die, that there was no way to undo it, sometimes not even a way to stop it. Certainly, with her experience, she knew that better than Katrina, even. Her arms left the earth, crossing over her torso, gripping the opposite arms. Defensive, closing herself off. "Shut up." The words were not much more than a whisper. Katrina didn't stop. Did she even hear herself? Katrina knew about Victor, was perfectly aware that Bridget had watched him die. And she understood the fear of something bad happening to someone she cared about, of the guilt that would follow. It was why she was here. But she couldn't feel the empathy she might have otherwise right now, couldn't feel much of anything but how hard it was to breathe.

She still wasn't looking at Katrina, afraid of what she'd see. Somehow, in the course of a few minutes, the Gryffindor had come to hate her. Or something like that, she didn't know where they stood anymore. All the same, she could see the movements, hear Katrina gathering her things and standing up. Her stomach sank; she wanted Katrina gone, she wanted this over, but she was also terrified of what might happen if the redhead left right now with this between them. But, god, she wouldn't stop talking. Some rubbish about the balls being safer than normal life. Sure, danger could find them anywhere, but there was nothing safe about the balls, nothing smart about thinking it was a perfectly brilliant idea to attend an event with a perfect record of going wrong.

At long last, it stopped, long after she'd said enough. Bridget didn't know what to do. After all that, she really did want space. It seemed the only way this could go was worse. And if Katrina stayed much longer, or said anything else, she was worried she might start crying. Funny how the person whose shoulder she used to cry on was no longer someone she'd let herself break down in front of.

And so she set her jaw, squeezing her eyes shut. "Is that all?" She managed to keep the tears out of her voice, the words leaving in a cold, even tone. Somewhere in there was a last desperate plea to Katrina to see what she was doing and fix this because Bridget certainly didn't have it in her.

Katrina could visibly see Bridget shut off as she spoke. Bridget wasn’t even listening to her anymore! The least she could do is hear Katrina’s points, they weren’t all out of anger. The fact that Bridget wasn’t really hearing her made Katrina more stirred up. There was a part of her that knew it was wrong, that their fighting was pointless, that she should just close her mouth and leave before she hurt Bridget any more. But the other part of Katrina was wound up, so much in her being stirred up, she couldn’t help herself and part of her was finding it minorly therapeutic to just yell and get it off her chest. All of her insecurities and worries for the last year just out of her mind and into the air. She couldn’t see the flaws in them, the inaccurateness, but she did see Bridget unresponsive. Almost like she didn’t care about Katrina’s worries, not that she knew that’s what it was anyway.

As Katrina rose in volume, Bridget got quieter. The moment Katrina realized this, she was disgusted with herself. She was clearly the attacker in this situation, lashing out to someone else’s expense. It was a revolting feeling, a guilty one, but those feelings that usually shut her down and made her leave just fueled the fire in her, she started almost yelling, making worse and worse jabs at Bridget. Bridget folded her arms across her chest finally, signling to Katrina that she was actually paying attention, even if she had shut off. Bridget muttered something, telling Katrina to ‘Shut up’, but that did nothing, Katrina pretended not to hear it simply for the sake that if she stopped and thought she knew she would be unable to start again and all of their back and forth would have been for nothing.

Katrina stood up, packed her things, she almost saw eagerness in Bridget’s eyes. She was trying to fix things by leaving, but Bridget was glad she was going? Did she really not like her? Did she even care what Katrina felt? Katrina knew she’d cut Bridget deep but she did the same. If Bridget wanted to avoid this whole thing she shouldn’t have started it calling Katrina an idiot. She was only trying to do what was right.

Katrina didn’t want to end the argument like this, feeling so horrible and threatening, her best friend defensive and being attacked. If she’d seen someone doing this to Bridget she’d Flippindo them into a wall. She deserved a good Flippindo, shake herself out of her head, cool down a bit. Katrina was close to apologizing, or at least making some comment about that Bridget was right about some of it. If they could just end on a cool note, or at least not whatever it was the last thing Katrina had yelled. “Is that all?” Katrina wasn’t sure if Bridget actually meant it that way, but her words sounded smug and self-assured, like it was almost amusing to see Katrina loose her cool.

Katrina attempted to make eye contact with Bridget, proving to Bridget that she was dead sure of what she was saying, “You can do whatever the heck you want, I don’t care. But nothing you say is going to keep me from going,” Katrina turned and left, not bothering to look back or give Bridget any other opportunity to set Katrina off again.

Katrina rounded the hill, making sure she was out of earshot before collapsing to the ground. Before she could help it, she was sobbing into her hands, stifling as much of the noise as she could in hopes no one else would hear. How had she said that? Those awful things? Bridget was her best friend, one of her only friends, and she ruined it again. Just like with Thora. Had she just done the same to Bridget? Was it all over now? Was that it? Three years of friendship just gone? It couldn’t be that easy. Katrina curled up into a small ball. The things she had said were so horrible. She wouldn’t forgive herself if someone said that to her. Implying that Bridget was a weak and a coward, that she hadn’t done anything, that it was foolish not to go, a waste of her talents. Katrina forced herself to compose herself after a few moments, the last thing she wanted was to run into Bridget after sobbing, how petty would that be? Katrina shut off her emotions, wiping the last of the tears from her eyes, fanning her face to cool off her red cheeks.

She gathered her stuff and left, looking at the little pin prick on her finger, it had long since stopped bleeding. Katrina put a little pressure on her fingertip, feeling pain bloom out from where the pin prick was, she had to stop after little pressure due to her hand shaking. That’s like what happened today. Katrina was fine, Bridget pricked her finger, then Katrina had bled out her emotions, and now she was left throbbing with guilt and aching whenever she was under pressure, which was constantly now because of her emotions.

The only thing left to worry about was where they stood. Katrina knew she couldn’t make up now, her metaphorical self throbbing with pain. But how long would it take to heal completely? How long before she could fix it between them?

@Katrina Walker

Is it all? Bridget knew it was harsh. That is wasn't going to help anything. But if felt justified, maybe even necessary, after what Katrina had just said. She'd gone way past arguing why she needed to be at the ball, calling her selfish, cowardly. Worst of all, she'd gone there. To the corner of Bridget's mind she tried hardest to box away. People really could just die, a realization come to the hard way last summer. Victor's death hadn't been her fault, but the actions she'd taken to try to help had played a part in it. Maybe by trying to fix things they only made them worse.

Since then, when things went wrong, death was at the forefront of her worries--Matthew in his coma, Santario and Starlee with the well. It was what she was trying to keep Katrina safe from. She didn't want to lose her, didn't know how she would cope with the passing of a friend. In the process of attempting to do something about it, it seemed a friend was leaving her anyway.

I don't care. Nothing you say is going to keep me from going. If there was any doubt about the seriousness of the conversation, those words expelled it. This was no small quarrel; they'd really messed things up. Did Katrina really, truly mean that? Or was she asking, in an indirect sort of way, for her to try to improve things? To apologize maybe, or ask her to stay. She couldn't tell and she didn't have it in her to try. It was stupid, stubborn, but she couldn't muster a sorry, not right now, not after what Katrina had said without any sign of remorse. The opposite, actually; there was the urge to shove her off just as brutally.

Her restraint burst. Jumping up from the ground, she whipped around to look at the Gryffindor. "Then leave!" The outburst, raw with emotion, was easily the most she'd raised her voice throughout the conflict. Katrina was leaving already, back to her as she walked away. Bridget watched, fists clenched at her sides, until she was out of sight.

What had just happened? She'd come with the intention of dissuading Katrina from attending the Blossom Ball. Not only had that fallen through, but she'd gotten into a fight, and a bad one at that, with one of her best friends. But... how? How had she let it come to this? How had she failed so badly?

The last words hadn't been enough, there was still frustration itching for an outlet. Her eyes landed on her wand holster. The one Katrina had made her for. Removing her wand from it and unfastening it from her side, she paused to stare at the object. Yeah, this would do. "Agh!" She threw the holster as hard as she could, away from her and into the brush.

It felt good, at least until logic returned. More irrationality. Getting rid of the gift wasn't going to do anything. She would be the only one to suffer consequence for the loss of it--it was a tool, a useful bit of leather to carry her wand in--and what was she going to do, ask Katrina for a new one?

Bridget sighed heavily. Lifting her wand, she incanted "Accio," gaze set on the approximate area the holster had landed. The leather pouch flew back and she caught it. With all the enthusiasm of a zombie, she reattached it to her pants, tucking her wand back inside. Now what? She wiped the back of her hand under her eyes; she wasn't sure when, exactly, but the tears had started to fall. Directionless, what she did know was that she didn't want to return to the castle and to people yet. So maybe she shouldn't bother going anywhere at all. Sliding down to the trunk of the tree, she tilted her head back against the bark.

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